Page 41 of A Lesson in Deceit
I brought my chin down on top of the pillow. “You said you wouldn’t do that, remember?”
He pushed the door open more, raising his hands up. “I know. And I won’t. It’s just me now, gorgeous, so can you at least tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “Does he hate me? Do you?”
River’s face contorted into utter confusion. He closed the door behind him and rushed over to the bed, sitting beside me. “One, we could never hate you. And two, what the hell are you talking about?”
I groaned, letting my face fall into the soft cotton of the pillow. My voice was muffled when I answered. “You guys were so ready for this.Iwas so ready for this, and I just fucked it up by freaking out.” I lifted my head up and looked at him. “I liked it, I didn’t want it to stop. My head, it just…I don’t really know what I’m doing, River.”
River licked his lips, running his fingertips across his forehead as if he was trying to understand what I was saying. He was considering my feelings and what all transpired downstairs. His smile that showed his dimples made an appearance. “There is nowere; we arestillvery ready for this. Let’s just settle that first. You fucked up nothing, Riley, as you can see I’m here trying to understand and Grayson is downstairs trying to figure out how many snacks he can get delivered so that you’ll want to be in the same room with us again.”
I snorted. “He is not.”
River rolled his eyes. “You underestimate our affection for you.”
I threw the pillow at him and ran a hand down my face. “I don’t want you guys to think you did anything wrong.” I turned, bending my knee so I could prop it up on the bed and look at him straight on.
River flicked his eyes over to the door and then back at me. “Don’t worry, he knows that now.” I knew he had just used his powers to tell Grayson what I’d said through his mind. I opened my mouth, but he cut me off. “He’s not up here talking to you, so he deserves to know that you don’t hate him, just like we don’t hate you.”
I hummed. “I just….in theory this was a good idea. I couldn’t help but imagine this moment sometimes and well, when it became reality, it was a little too real, I guess. I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted you guys to touch me and for you to touch each other. I want you to be happy while also…” I fingered the end of one of my braids. “Making me happy.”
River rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at the ceiling. “Believe me, baby, we want to touch you. We want you to lean into that touch so much you are begging us to never stop. We want to make you happy, so let’s rewind and tell me what made you unhappy. Or actually let’s go back to something yousaid earlier.” He placed his hand gently on my knee. “You said that you didn’t really know what you were doing. From where I was sitting, you were doing just fine, but clearly you think otherwise.”
I placed my head in my hands, refusing to speak. I squealed when I felt hands gripping my thighs and pulling me across the bed. I peeked between my fingers, noticing River’s face much closer than it was before.
“If you want me to leave, I can, gorgeous. Just say the word.”
I dropped my hands, sighing. “No, don’t.”
He reached up and grazed his knuckles along my cheek, remaining quiet.
“I just meant that…I…we…” I took a deep breath and mentally counted to five. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been with. I only know how to be with you in that way and you know how I like things, you know how to make me feel good, you were…my first.” I could feel my nerves increasing from being so open. River had made our first time together an experience filled with a million kisses and way too manythat’s what she saidjokes that had me laughing and forgetting my nerves all together. He stopped when I needed him to, going slow at first and checking in whenever I’d tense up or have an ounce of hesitation on my face.
River was all smooth talk and no filter, but in that moment, he was sweeter than I’d ever seen him. He was pleasantly surprised that an hour later I was climbing on top of him and begging for him to let me be on top, which he eagerly obliged, watching me guide him where I wanted him. I went at my own pace, while he sat back and let me seek my own pleasure. That was always his goal.
I trusted him. With my heart and with my body.
I wanted to trust Grayson too, but that was proving difficult.
My boyfriend’s laughter was soft, and he had this charming way of making any situation comfortably casual. “I was and that’s an experience you and I share that is private to just us. I like knowing that I got to understand your body, Riley. You trust me enough to let out sounds you would probably think are embarrassing and you feel confident enough to tell me what you like or don’t like when we’re having sex so that your orgasms are authentic and utterly perfect.”
I nodded. “You and I are really good together. I just…I want that same energy with Grayson.”
River kissed my forehead. “I don’t think you could recreate whatwehave with Grayson, but I do think you need to have your own thing beyond your friendship. The same sexual comfort you feel with me, you need to feel that with him and maybe….”
I tilted my head to the side. “What?”
“Maybe me being right there next to you isn’t allowing you to do what you need to do.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “What are you talking about?”
He gripped my knee, jostling it from side to side. “If you’re up for it, how about you go downstairs and be alone with him. Have a little date or whatever.”
A laugh erupted from my throat. “You want me to go and be seduced by your best friend?”
He laughed, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t sell yourself short, gorgeous. You can be very seductive when you aren’t even trying. You wantusto touch you, but you only really know what it means to be touched byme. You’ve made it clear you want to have sex with both of us, but you’ve never really given yourself the chance to view Grayson in that way, so maybe it’s time you did.” He got off the bed, my eyes following him. “I won’t bother you, although I may creep in from time to time.” He winked at me. “Only in Grayson’s mind though.”
I licked my lips, jumping off the bed and pacing. “And if something happens…like things that don’t involve clothes?”
