Page 43 of All the Ways You Save Me
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m completely fine.”But am I really?My entire world tilted the moment I saw that video, and now I’m not sure I know which way is up.
“Well, then we’ll have a little vacation together. I haven’t been back to Sandy Harbor since we left either.”
I hear Josie’s coffee pot percolate, and another breeze blows in, bringing the salty sea air with it. For a moment, I’m back at the old beach house having breakfast with my sister before school. We’re only a year apart and rarely fought like other siblings I knew. She always seemed to know what to do in any situation and even my friends used to go to her for advice. I know she’s using this as an excuse to come and boss me around, but maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing.
“I’d love that, actually.”
“Okay, let me look into flights. Do you have room for me to stay?”
“Yes!” I find myself getting more excited. We could rent bikes and ride up to the lighthouse, stop at the bakery with thebest donuts anywhere, and hang out on the beach together, just like old times. “I rented a two-bedroom cottage from that Ian guy. He gave me a huge discount.”
She’s silent on the other end of the phone, and I wonder if the call dropped.
“Josie? Are you there?”
“Yeah, I heard you.” Her voice sounds distant, distracted. “Just… googling flights. I’ll text you when I know more.”
We hang up the phone and I swing the back door open and step outside again. The breeze from the ocean a few blocks over teases my hair, and the morning sun shines through the trees, warming my skin. I can’t believe how well this all worked out. With Garrett right next door, I’ll have plenty of opportunities to get to know him. And if he’s Adam, he won’t be able to hide it from me forever.
TWENTY-FOUR
PRESENT DAY
Garrett
I intentionally chose to work on a house on the farthest end of the island today, as if putting physical distance between Madeline and me would somehow sever the hardwired attraction humming between us. But if a decade and hundreds of miles couldn’t make it happen, I don’t have a lot of hope for this strategy. The first thing I did when I stepped outside this morning was turn toward the cottage next door, searching for a glimpse of her shining hair and the curve of her hip in another one of those dresses.
I don’t know what I would have done if she’d been outside on the deck, but I suspect that I wouldn’t have kept walking. It’s a dangerous game I’m playing, staying so close to her, knowing that every minute I’m near her could tip her off to my true identity.
Knowing that every minute I’m near her makes me want her as much as ever.
I’ve never been so stunned as when I looked down and saw that the woman I’d pulled from the waves was Madeline. It wasthe worst thing that could possibly happen. Except it was the best thing that could possibly happen, too. Even better than all the ways I’ve dreamed it for the past decade. Madeline, in my arms again. Her hair teasing my cheek in the sea breeze, her scent surrounding me, her breath warm on my neck.
I knew from the minute I arrived on Sandy Harbor that it was a terrible idea for me to make my life here. If the wrong person were to discover me, it could put everyone I love in danger, and I’ve sacrificed too much to keep them safe.
I remember back to those early days after leaving Maple Ridge. I swore I wasn’t going to search for Madeline’s or Jason’s names on the internet, but it was a struggle every day. And an even bigger struggle not to pick up the phone and call them. Only knowing that I’d done the right thing to keep them safe held me back. I knew Madeline had grown up here, that despite all she’d said about not coming back, Sandy Harbor wasn’t a safe place for me.
But I’d met Ian in that diner, and he was the first person I’d had a true connection with since the day my Bronco went over the cliff. That hour at that counter represented the first real conversation I’d had in over a year. I finally felt like I might not be lost and alone forever.
So I stayed.
And then months went by, and years, and Chloe and Ellery came along. For the first time since Madeline, I had a place where I really and truly fit. And maybe living on Sandy Harbor was a way to be close to her, to be in the place that she loved, even if I could never be with her again.
And then, all of a sudden, she was here, in my arms. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. At seventeen, she was stunning, and I used to believe I’d be happy looking at her for the rest of our lives. And at twenty-seven, she’s even more beautiful. I’ve thought about this woman every day of my life for the past decade, hoped she was happy, prayed that I made the rightdecision all those years ago. Leaving her once was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Running from her a second time is proving to be impossible.
But I know these days with her are numbered, and one of us has to go. It kills me to imagine abandoning the island and community that I love. I’ve built a life here that finally felt like it could be forever. How could I leave it all behind? I’ve lost everyone I love too many times in my life. Which means that Madeline has to go back to Maple Ridge where she belongs. And the only way to get her to do that is convince her I’m not who she thinks I am. I may look like Adam, but appearances are the only similarity left between that scared kid and the person I am today.
TWENTY-FIVE
TEN YEARS AGO
Adam
I pull open the door from the garage to the basement, still buzzing from my date with Madeline, when I hear a voice yelling from upstairs, “What thehellis this?”
Recognizing the angry tenor of Jason’s dad, Phil, I close the door behind me as quietly as possible. I’ve only heard Phil yell a handful of times in the years that I’ve known Jason, and it’s usually when Jason really screws up. The last time I remember him sounding this angry, Jason sideswiped a parking column and left a huge dent down the side of Phil’s BMW that cost thousands of dollars to fix.
“Jason!” Phil roars. “Get in here right now.”
