Page 58 of All the Ways You Save Me
“Are you okay?” Madeline asks, grabbing my arm.
“Uh.” I rub a hand across my eyes.Bald man with back hair. Bald man with back hair.But the dude on the beach is not coming through for me this time. “Yeah, just a little bit of saltwater in my eyes.” I take a few giant steps out into the water and pull the surfboard between me and Madeline. “Hop on.”
Madeline slides her body across the board, and I reach an arm across her back, holding on with both hands while she steadies herself. The ocean water gently rises and falls, and she clutches the sides of the board, her knuckles turning white.
“Okay, you’re going to have to trust your balance. And when the wave comes, I want you to paddle.”
“How do I know when to go?” She turns her head to the waves behind us.
“I’ll tell you when. All you have to do is trust me.”
Madeline’s head jerks around at the wordstrust me.Sheeyes me for a moment, almost as if she’s weighing whether or not she can. I want to reassure her that I’d never let anything happen to her. That I’d sacrifice everything for her. That I already have.
I look away, scanning the horizon for the swell that tells me that a perfect wave is coming. “Okay, get ready.”
Madeline shifts on the board.
“Paddle,” I tell her, giving her a little shove toward the shore. She does as I say just as the wave rises up, lifting her and pushing the board along. Her arms pinwheel with strong strokes, and then she grabs onto the board, presses herself upward, and immediately pitches sideways before her feet can land on the board.
I splash through the water to get to her, remembering her panic attack in the waves a few days ago, but she hops to her feet, droplets pouring down her front like a waterfall, and laughs. “That didn’t go so well,” she calls.
“Try again!”
I help her back on the board, and she paddles again, and then again, pitching one way while the board flies the other. But she keeps trying, brows knitted in determination, and on the fifth or sixth wave, her feet land on the board and she skims along on the top of the water for a few seconds before she goes sideways again.
“Woohoo!” she yells when she’s found her footing, a huge grin on her face. She grabs the board and makes her way back. I lunge through the waves and meet her in the middle.
“It was only a second, but did you see me stand up?” Her face glows with pleasure, eyes sparkling behind wet, inky lashes.
I laugh. “You were amazing.” When I reach for her, she drops the board, throws her arms around me, and presses her mouth to mine.
I watch the firelight glint off Madeline’s copper hair and shine in her eyes. As much as I pushed her out of my head these past ten years, I never stopped loving her. And I probably never will.
I close my eyes and listen to the sound of my friends talking and laughing around the fire. After our surf lesson earlier today, Madeline and I spent the afternoon lying on a blanket in the sand, letting the sun warm us. She mentioned that one thing she’d missed the most about Sandy Harbor was beach bonfires, and all it took was a quick text to get everyone here. Anne from the bookstore came with Ryan, who owns the boat rental place, and Elijah and Oliver rolled in a few minutes ago with marshmallows and a portable speaker. Ian brought a woman he just started dating, and since the bar is closed and Ellery is at a friend’s house, even Chloe was able to make it. As the sound of guitar music drifts across the sand, I throw another log on the fire, and I realize I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
This is the life I always dreamed of. I never needed it to be fancy or complicated. All I wanted was good friends, a job that allowed me to support myself, and Madeline by my side. Every part of my life is infused with her… The beach, the bar, my friends. I don’t know how this happened in only a short time, except it wouldn’t be the first time. If I believed in woo-woo shit like fate, I’d say Madeline and I were meant to be. How else can I explain that we found each other twice in one lifetime?
But we’re in an impossible situation.
We may have been fated to find each other, but our love is so thoroughly doomed, and maybe it always has been. I can’t go back to Maple Ridge. There’s a reason I disappeared all those years ago, and that danger will always lurk around every corner. And Madeline can’t stay here. Even if she was willing to give up her entire life—friends, family, job—it’s impossible to think that she could move here and keep it hidden from everyone. To think she could keepmehidden from everyone. Word would get around a small town like Maple Ridge. It always does. Peoplewould want to know where she’s moving to, what she’s doing. Someone would see a photo or video online.
Just like the video that brought Madeline here.
So, today I’m going to enjoy every minute of this day with the woman I love, and tomorrow, I have to tell her the truth. Hopefully she can understand why I did what I did. Even if we can never be together, she deserves the chance to move on and to stop spending her life wondering what happened to Adam.
THIRTY-THREE
PRESENT DAY
Madeline
The warm glow from the flames is nothing compared to the heat smoldering between me and the man to my left. I can’t seem to keep my eyes off of him, can’t keep from reacting every time I remember the feel of his body pressed close to mine in the water. All I could think about out there on that surfboard was leaning into him, wrapping my legs around him, feeling his hard, wet body against me. If we hadn’t been on a public beach in the middle of the afternoon, I would have let those kisses go so much further. And I know he wants me as much as I want him. I can see his desire in every glance, feel it in every brush of his hand.
I watch the firelight flicker in his aquamarine eyes. This attraction to Garrett isn’t only physical. Every day that I spend with him, I’m more drawn to his humor, his kindness, his heart. I haven’t felt this way about anyone since…
Since Adam.
But it’s not Adam I’m falling for. It’s Garrett. The more I get to know him, the more I see the differences.Adam was always an introvert, a little bit insecure, always in Jason’s shadow. But as I look around the group gathered at the bonfire—Chloe and Ian and all these other friends—I can see that Garrett is right in the center of it all. He’s so confident and outgoing, joking with everyone, a huge part of this community. They love and respect him, and he fits right in.
