Page 65 of All the Ways You Save Me
“She’s with us constantly,” he continues. “You think they don’t know about her? She’s the first person they’d go after.”
With shaking hands, I reach for the back of a chair to steadymyself. If they came near Madeline, I’d kill them. With my bare hands. But I can’t protect her every minute. At school, when she’s at home with her mom. This is a nightmare.
He looks up at me from his position on the couch. “They’ve seen her coming in and out of this house, and I bet they think she’s my girlfriend.”
Jason’s words drift through the air like smoke, slowly suffocating me.I bet they think she’s my girlfriend. They’ve seen her coming in and out of this house.Of course they would have checked Jason and me out before handing over hundreds of thousands of dollars in inventory. Watched the house, paid attention to who came and went. It would have been their insurance policy for a situation exactly like this.
But it’sJason’s house, not mine. It’s possible they think Madeline is Jason’s girlfriend. I can still hear Jason’s dad’s voice implying that I don’t have a future to ruin, not like Jason does. He’s the type of guy she’d come over here to visit, not me. Even a bunch of shady criminals would see that clear as day.
And if it means his life is at risk, then so is hers.
I whirl on Jason, anger pulsing through me, and I want to grab him, shake him, make him feel the sort of physical pain that’s ripping through my gut. How could I have been so stupid and naïve as to trust him? But as I take a step in his direction, fists balled, I see the tears streaming silently down his cheeks. He’s facing the same loss of everything that he loves as I am.
I turn away.
Can I really blame Jason for this? I was so happy to collect handfuls of cash that I didn’t think very deeply about where it was coming from. I wanted to be the kind of man who could support Madeline, who deserved someone like her. Given the life I was handed, this was the only way I knew how. But I could have looked into CyTech. I could have asked questions—to Jason, to his dad. I could have been honest with Madeline,but I was afraid she’d confront me on how shady everything seemed. That she’d see me in a different light.
How did I not consider what would happen if she got caught up in this? It could have just as easily been me driving tonight. What if I’d had one of those boxes stolen from the back seat of my car?
My heart slams to a stop, and the room tilts. I wish Ihadbeen the one driving.If it were me, they couldn’t go after my family because I don’t have one. And maybe they wouldn’t go after Madeline if they don’t know she’s my girlfriend. I’ve always had so little except for Jason. And Madeline.
And now they’re both in danger.
I pace across the living room and back again, considering all the angles, looking for another way out. But I know what I need to do. It will put me at a terrible risk, but at least I’ll be the only one. And maybe nothing will be as bad as Jason says. This isn’t some mafia movie, and the boss likes me. I can negotiate, make promises if I have to. I might be shackling myself to years of working for him, but eventually I can dig myself out.
I turn to face Jason. “I’m going to take care of this.”
Jason uncoils from his ball on the couch and sits up. “What are you talking about?”
I hesitate for a beat to gaze around the place that’s been my home for the past year thanks to my best friend. The place where I’ve spent so much time with him and Madeline. The place where I finally allowed myself to dream of a better life.It doesn’t have to be over, I tell myself on repeat.I can still fix this.
“I need you to trust me. I’ll take care of everything.”
And then I head out the door, praying to God that it’s true.
THIRTY-SEVEN
TEN YEARS AGO
Adam
I pull open the door and enter the lobby of CyTech Electronics Systems. I’ve been here dozens of times before, maybe hundreds at this point. I usually pull up in the back to grab a package from one of the guys working in the warehouse. But I’ve come in the front door, too, carrying lunch, dry cleaning, whatever else they want me to deliver.
For the first time, though, I study the name of the business hanging over the desk. Does CyTech Electronics Systems actually distribute any electronics systems? Or are there only drugs coming in and out? I have to admit that on the surface, it looks pretty legit, with a nice-looking sitting room and some offices in the back. But all of that could be a front. The sign obviously isn’t going to announce that you can buy your cocaine here.
On unsteady legs, I follow a hallway to the offices. I’ve been back here before, too, though never empty-handed or when I’m sweating this much.
I peek into the first office and find my boss sitting behind his desk, a cell phone pressed to his ear and a stern look on his face.The wrinkles across his forehead deepen as he nods along to whatever the person on the other line is saying, and my hands begin to shake. Jason should have delivered that package a couple of hours ago. Is someone in Glassport calling because it never arrived?
I study him, searching for evidence that he’s the kind of guy who’s been running a front for drug trafficking this whole time. But like the CyTech sign in the lobby, nothing in his appearance announces his criminal activity. He’s a regular middle-aged white man with broad shoulders and a little bit of a belly. A man who, up until today, I absolutely believed was Jason’s dad’s wealthy friend. He’s always been nice to me, and during the times I’ve interacted with him, I’ve got the impression that he appreciates me working here and thinks there could be a future for me if I keep it up. On Christmas Eve, he handed me a card from him and his wife with a hundred-dollar bill tucked inside.
When he hangs up the phone, he smiles up at me, and my mood lifts. Jason never actually looked in those packages, did he? Is it possible he’s wrong about all of this?
“Adam, how are you? I didn’t order dinner tonight.”
I clear my throat. “That’s not why I’m here. I’m sorry to bother you. There’s… a problem.”
His brows knit together. “The dry cleaning again? Listen, next time I want you to find a new company. I don’t care who, just someone who won’t mix up my shirts.”
