Page 12 of The Way Home
“Do what?”
“You don't have to put on an act, not with me.”
His hands went to his hips, his brows creased. “What act?”
I waved my hand over him. “The teasing. Just drop it and be real for a minute.”
“Youwantmeto be real?”
My mouth hung open for a moment, searching for some sort of excuse, but I didn't have one, couldn't give one, not arealone. “Right. Maybe we should rewind a little. Can we do that?”
Jeremy relaxed, and he bobbed his head. “Yeah. I would like that.”
The heavy quiet between us was like an ominous figure creeping through the woods. Goosebumps prickled my skin and a bead of sweat pooled at my hairline as I thought of letting my guard down and letting him back in. A figure in the woods seemed far less scary in comparison.
I rubbed my hand on my neck and steeled my nerves—well, tinned perhaps, because I wasn’t feeling as strong as steel. “So, I, uh, I’ve been struggling…for a while. I just feel like I’m missing something, a piece of the puzzle that isn’t fitting and is throwing everything off.”
Jeremy’s hand brushed over my arm, sending a different sort of shiver through me. My tin nerves crumpled easily beneath his touch. I hated how much he affected me, and at the same time I longed to draw nearer and give myself over to it. With whatever strength I could muster, I stayed still, neither pulling away nor leaning closer.
“I’m really sorry to hear that. I always figured you were the one who had his shit together. I mean you had a plan from the day I met you, and you went out and grabbed it by the balls. It was devastating when you moved away to college, but I admired the hell out of you for it.”
It was strange to hear thatanyonewould admire me for something. I wasn’t the kind of guy people usually looked up to, not like him. “You did?”
The hand on my arm gave a light squeeze. “Of course I did. I know it was a huge ordeal when you had to move across the country and start over, so when I knew you were doing it again to pursue your education, I was in awe of your strength.”
“Strength? Speaking of strength…look atyou.” Deflection? Perhaps. This whole candid thing and the closeness of the man I’d been running from was making me feel some kind of way.
Jeremy scoffed and looked down at his body. He lifted his shirt, even though his rock hard abs were already on display, as if I needed another reminder of how incredible he looked. “What? This?”
I nodded, trying not to let any drool slip out.
He let go of his shirt and his lips turned down. “It’s a shell, Ri. It makes me feel good to be able to see the results of my hard work, and I like what working out allows me to do, but it’s surface stuff. Any room looks brighter with a fresh coat of paint, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a crack or two behind it.”
My brows furrowed with concern at the realness of what he said. I never expected to hear him talk like this. But then… I really did suck at listening and had been actively pushing him away for over a decade. “Jeremy…”
He waved me off, and sadly his hand left my arm, leaving it colder than I wanted it to be. “It’s fine. I know what I look like, and I like the way I look, but that’s not all I am either.”
Jeremy turned away from me and began jogging down the path. I was frozen for a moment, stunned by the force of his words. Hurrying to catch up, I shouted, “Hey, wait!”
“Nope. You keep up.” He flashed a too-big grin over his shoulder at me and took off. It wasn’t even worth trying to meet his speed—I was very much not a runner—so I slowed down and found a comfortable walking pace.
It was a single path, but once it got nearer to the lake, it split into three directions. If you continued to follow the main path, it would lead to a small beach with an old boat dock. To the right, it followed the path to the monument, and to the left, it led to the bigger, busier beach area.
It wasn’t the time of year for tourists necessarily, but the main beach wasn’t somewhere we’d spent a lot of time when we were younger, unless we were hanging out with friends. The monument was… well, there was a sort of eerie, sacred vibe toit, and it didn’t feel right for this moment. I continued my brisk walk ahead, following the path to our spot.Our spot.
The ease with which the idea came to me frustrated me to the point of kicking a rock on the path. Sadly, a jock I was not. I managed to hit the rock, but it knocked into a dead branch, which swung back at me. I yelped and covered my face just in time for the branch to hit my forearm. I cursed at the sting and pushed the branch aside. While I was wishing I’d worn my hoodie after all so I could have avoided this mess, I was mildly grateful for the distraction. Anything at this point to get my mind off the past.
The temptation to simply turn around and return to the cabin was extremely strong, but it wouldn’t be fair to Jeremy. Not with him waiting for me and without a way to let him know I changed my mind. It hadn’t even occurred to me to bring a phone this morning, though service had always been sketchy in the woods anyway. It was funny how little that mattered when I was a teenager high on love and willing to follow a hot boy anywhere. As an adult, I always had my phone on me. I felt naked without it. And yet, here I was: naked—metaphorically—and bleeding.
It wasn't terrible, but it stung enough to keep my focus as I forced my feet to move forward. After a while, the tree line broke, and the dock appeared before me. A wistful smile tugged my lips up at the bittersweet sight. It had been a special place, one I fell in love with as much as with the boy who'd shown it to me.
The ocean had been my solace back in California. There was something about the sound of the water and the smell in the air that always seemed to soothe me, even when things were shitty at home with my dad. Thousands of miles away, I'd been able to find the same kind of comfort by the water here. There weren't any gulls or crashing waves, but the lapping of the water against the dock and the pebbly shore worked well enough.
There he sat, at the end of the dock, leaning back on his hands with his legs hanging over the edge.Sigh. Jeremy looked so completely at home and at peace. What I would give for even a fraction of the serenity that seemed to permeate from him.
I'd walked miles to get here, but now this last hundred feet were the hardest. After years of trying to keep my distance, I was purposely walking right toward him with no idea of what would happen when I got there.
Step by careful step, I followed the old wooden dock, with my muscle memory helping me navigate the loose boards. Jeremy knew full well that I was here and slowly approaching, but he didn’t move, not even to look back at me. He simply stared out at the water, kicking his feet, his toes splashing through the surface. His casual attitude drew me in, a gravitational force I couldn't resist, even while my stomach tightened in knots.
