Page 26 of The Way Home
Riley gave me a grateful smile and lifted his head slightly. His cheeks were still a lovely shade of pink when he asked, “So… your interview? How did it go? Was it bad? Is that why you were upset?”
A loud laugh barked out of me. He was just going to sit there and pretend like we didn't just get off together, but that was fine. At least he was talking to me and not hiding or catching the next flight back to the West Coast.
“In retrospect, I think it went well. I just got myself really worked up and in my head about it. It's hard to be this close to something and have it all depend on how you answer a few questions in front of a panel of people. Playing under the stadium lights with a big crowd was ten times easier than being under the microscope and feeling scrutinized for everyumor hesitation. That's what the run was about. I was trying to clear my head and gain some clarity. Sometimes I do the best thinking when I can't think at all.”
Riley gave me a half-smile. “Yeah, I understand that. I mean not about the running, because I will never understandwantingto run. It's the same, though, when I try to focus on something Iknow, something factual and true, and not whatever my brain is trying to tell me.”
“Like your firework dust?” I suggested as I took another soupy bite of sandwich.
His half-smile grew a little wider. “Yeah, like that. I'm sorry you got stressed out over it. If it helps… there's nothing you can do about it now.”
I snorted. “I'm not sure it does.”
“I just mean, it's done, and worrying and stressing over it won't change anything on their end, but it will only make it harder on you in the waiting.”
Pointing the last corner of my sandwich at him, I said, “That's actually a fair point.”
“It's easier to say than do. Believe me, I'm pretty great at worrying, too. If it was an Olympic sport, I'd be on the podium.”
“I knew there was an athlete in there somewhere,” I said with a tease. We both shared a smile, and it felt… really nice. If I had known that a little dual rub out action was all it took to get him talking to me, I might have suggested it earlier. Although it had to be his idea. I knew if I pushed him sooner than he was ready he would clam up again.
“Thanks for the soup and grilled cheese. It was perfect.”
“Yeah. Sure. I mean, I'm no cook, like you, but at least I can put cheese and bread together and open a can.” Riley shrugged.
“You open a can so good, darling,” I winked as I stood with my plate and mug, making the color that finally faded from his cheeks rise to the surface again.
We ended up watching a movie after we cleaned up, something to keep my mind off things, and maybe his, too. It was a light comedy, which was exactly what we both seemed to need. Riley sat on one side of the couch, and I leaned against the other arm with my legs tucked up.
Halfway through the movie, I stretched out until my foot bumped against Riley's leg. He didn't flinch or pull away so I left it there. After a few minutes, I decided to test things a little and stretched further, putting my feet in his lap. He didn't try to move away from me or push my legs off him, so I left them, feeling even more triumphant. We had come a long way since last week.
I wasn’t totally sure if he was simply tolerating it, but then his hand hovered over my shin for a moment before finally resting on my leg. I sighed happily and relaxed into the couch. Riley's thumb brushed lightly against my leg, sending warm shivers through me. The simple touch was everything. It was something he waschoosingto do, which made it so much sweeter.
I didn't draw attention to it and neither did he. We simply existed, connected, as we watched the movie. When it was over, we put on another movie, and Riley's hand stayed on my leg the entire time.
Riley
We were fine. Everything was fine. It was no longer a mantra I was repeating to myself. I actually felt it. It had been a couple of days since the whole… bathroom incident, and I thought it would make the situation worse with Jeremy, but it didn't.
I didn't know what compelled me to go in, but when he came back from his run all revved up and feral, I couldn't stop hearing him say how horny he was, and how much I’d been feeling the same and trying to deny it. The curtain helped me pretend it wasn't him. It could have been anyone. Like a hole-less glory hole. A fuck for the sake of a fuck and nothing else… well, the idea never really appealed to me.
With the help of some friends in college, I'd come to understand I was demisexual and needed a connection withsomeone to want to get to the naked bits. I'd tried to have casual hook-ups, believe me, I tried, but I couldn't get into it. I needed more. I needed to know the person, to know their heart and feel drawn to it. Which was a part of what was so frustrating to feel this unruly desire I couldn't seem to shake when it came to Jeremy, but I knew his heart and was drawn to him.
For one moment, though, I could sink into it and give my body and my mind what it desperately craved. The anonymity of the curtain was a joke, really. There was no hiding who was there. Not with the sounds he made, or the silhouette I could see through the mostly-opaque material. It was him. It was Jeremy, and I let go. Holy shit, it felt incredible, too.
It was like years of pent-up need released out of me. Who knew a little shared solo time with my stepbrother was exactly what I needed? With that out of the way, I felt myself relax and didn't have to brace myself every time I was in the same room with him. Jeremy's flirting and casual touches didn't make me flinch or go instantly hangry—horny and angry.
Was there still some guilt over it? Of course, but it no longer ate away at me. Besides, Jeremy's attention made me feel like I stood in the sunlight on a perfect, spring day. He'd given me a few quick kisses on the lips over the past couple of days. Nothing that needed reciprocation or suggested he was wanting more. The first one surprised me when he came back from his run and apologized. After that, though, I couldn't help the way my lips tipped up every time he did it.
Jeremy had always been a touchy, affectionate person. I didn't realize how much I'd missed those casual moments. They made me feel seen and valued. I'd only had one guy I dated that was openly affectionate. I thought it was what I wanted at first, but it became more smothering and performative than anything, like I was always expected to respond and take things further. A kissnever came without a squeeze or a grope, and, for this demi, it tended to kill the mood instead of crank it up.
With Jeremy, it was different. I knew he wasn't trying to push me into anything. It was just who he was, and I savored each slight brush against my mouth. Was it still murky ground considering our relationship? For sure. While it was just the two of us here, I decided to allow it. Siblings could kiss, right? It was just like hugging, no big deal.
If nothing else, it reminded me of something I needed and would have to find the words to ask for in future relationships. I deserved to feel the way Jeremy made me feel. That was a problem for future me, though. For now, I was going to do my best to enjoy our time together, however it looked.
Jeremy came into my room as I was checking my emails on my phone and flounced down on the bed making me bounce. “Gahhh! I'm getting cabin fever. I don't think I can sit around another day while I wait to hear from the school.” He flipped over and propped his head up on his hands, looking up at me. “Do you want to get out of here? Maybe we can go into town and check out some of our old haunts?”
I couldn't help but smile at the hopeful expression on his face. That he wanted me to come with him didn't hurt either. “That sounds nice. I've been wondering if everything looks the same. I didn't really look when I was driving in because I was exhausted after traveling and just wanted to get up here.”
