Page 40 of The Way Home
“Did I sleep for a long time?” I asked. Even though he’d handed me my phone, I was in a panic at knowing who had been on the other end of it and never looked at it.
Jeremy gave me a look of adoration. “A couple of hours. You always did conk out pretty hard after sex.”
I was going to have to live with the fact that my cheeks would be in a permanent state of flush around him, especially since I could vividly see everything we did in this kitchen. “Not always. But that was…athletic.”
“Mmm. You surprised the hell out of me, Ri.”
“I surprised myself, too.” I gave an awkward laugh. It was true. I'd been thinking about it the entire walk home from the monument. Hearing Jeremy tell the legend again and the conviction in his voice as he said the right person would be worth fighting for, I felt it. I let go of all the voices in my head that said we couldn't, and I focused on his voice that said we could.
Jeremy reached across the table, holding out his hand to me, and I took it. His playful expression turned serious. “You’re really okay, right? I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything you're not comfortable with.”
How was someone so hot and so sweet at the same time? And how had I gotten lucky enough to have it all directed at me? “Yeah, I think I am. Besides, I kind of took charge the second time.”
Heat flashed behind his eyes, the same as they had when I straddled him on the floor. It was what had given me the boost of confidence to take what I wanted. “You sure did, and it was hot as fuck.”
“You didn’t mind?” I asked carefully.
“Not at all. You can take chargeanytime you want. I loved the hell out of it.”
Jeremy made me feel like I had power. I’d been with a few partners that assumed since I preferred to bottom that I was naturally the submissive one. Not that we were kinky or anything, but that they were usually the ones that led things in the bedroom. I’d had a hard time speaking up and taking what I wanted.
When Jeremy and I were young and still learning what we liked, it had been an open and safe space for us to explore together. I trusted him, and even though he liked to tease or joke around, he’d never made me feel like I couldn’t speak up. In fact, he often encouraged me to find my words. In those words, he gave me power, and I liked it.I’dbeen the one to tell him to fuck me, but he’d helped me get the words out.
“Thank you, Jem. That means more than you know. It might not be all the time, though. Sometimes, it’s nice to not be in control, too. I mean, I was the one waiting all come-hither-like with my ass in the air.”
Jeremy grinned. “What a beautiful sight it was, too. I hope I get to find you like that again, and if I do, I promise I am not wasting the opportunity.”
Again. It was a tiny little word, but it carried a lot of weight. It made my heart flutter to think about. “Soooo… are you saying you want it to happen again? Us, I mean.”
“I thought it was pretty obvious, but let me be as clear as possible. I wantyou, Riley. Any way I can have you. Sure, I would absolutely love to spend more naked fun time with you—I'm dying to explore every inch of your body, but I will take whatever you are willing to give me. Even if it means just being friends. I've just missed you so damn much, and I can't bear the idea of losing you again.”
Jeremy sniffed and wiped at his eye, looking away. I squeezed his hand to draw his attention back. “I've missed you, too, Jem. Inever stopped thinking about you. It's why it was so hard for me to be around you all these years.”
His hand left mine and he folded them in his lap. “I was here the whole time, Ri. Waiting and hoping you would see me or talk to me. I never even knew what happened, why you ended things.”
The hurt in his words made my chest ache. I had been in such turmoil over having to break things off with him that I pushed him away, hard and fast. A clean break, except it was never clean and never a real break that could mend over time. It was a sprain that reinjured itself every time I allowed myself to admire Jeremy.
“You remember why we moved out here in the first place, right? My dad was awful and my mom did everything she could to take care of us, including moving across the country for a new start. She worked so hard, and she deserved so much. When she brought me over to introduce us, I saw how happy she was. For the first since I could remember, she was truly happy. I… couldn't mess that up for her. How could I tell her she couldn't be with a good man who loved her and treated her right because I loved his son? After all she'd been through, I had to put her happiness first.”
“I wish you would have talked to me about it. We could have figured something out.” Jeremy pushed his plate aside, half his sandwich uneaten.
I folded my arms over my chest, trying to shield myself from the emotions of the past. “I was young. I didn't know how to talk about it. Besides, it didn't feel worth it. You didn't seem like you were all that upset about it anyway.”
Jeremy sat up straight, his brows pinched, and he bit out, “What do you mean?”
“Come on, Jeremy. It was like the bed was barely cold before you filled it with someone else. I had to watch you parade person after person in front of me. It hurt. A lot.”
“I…” Jeremy held up a finger, and then slowly lowered it. “I was young, too. And I was hurting. I lost someone I loved, and even though you were there, you weren't. Being with someone,anyone, was easier than being alone.”
So much anger and hurt, years of it. Too much. “I'm sorry, Jem.”
He gave me a half-smile. “I'm sorry, too. Who knew teenagers weren't the most sensible and reasonable people who use their heads to work out problems?”
I huffed a soft laugh. “Someone should probably get the word out about that.”
Jeremy's smile stretched wider. “We can't change the past, but we can honor it and move forward.”
Love honors the past and love is the way forward.He'd said the same thing about the pathfinder legend. We couldn't change what was, but we could look ahead. “So… where does that leave us now?”
