Page 5 of The Way Home
Funny how the same feeling of panic could return all this time later as I drove up the driveway. Would this ever get easier? Maybe I should have just stayed in a hotel. But then hotels didn’t offer the views and quiet isolation that came with the cabin, and the price was right, too.
Deep breath. It was just a building, not a living, cursed thing, and I really could use some time to myself. I parked my rental car, grabbed all of my luggage, and made my way to the door. As old-fashioned as the house was, Javi had installed a keyless entry, so we all would have access to the cabin whenever we wanted or needed to. He always insisted it was a safe house, a place of refuge, and even if your pockets were empty, you could still return home.
Javi was a great guy, and I couldn’t ask for a better stepdad. He’d always made it a point to include me. He’d been a far better dad to me than my own father, which made the whole Jeremy thing even harder.
Opening the screen door, I set a bag down to tap in the code, unlocking the door. It always seemed funny to me to see the newer tech on an old cabin, but it was nice not having to worry about a key.
The door screeched as it opened, a strangely nostalgic sound. I used to wonder why Javi hadn’t bothered getting it oiled or cleaned, but it worked pretty well as an alarm system too. No one was coming in through the front door without you hearing it.
I let the screen door close but kept the front door open to air out the cabin. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as musty as I expected. Maybe someone had been out here recently, though my mom hadn’t mentioned anything when I talked with her last week.
It wasn’t a big place, but it was homey, comfortable. It had two bedrooms, which had been fine when it had just been Javier and Jeremy. Once my mom and I moved in, though, it got a little cramped. Even more so trying to livearoundJeremy. I thought of going to our old room—it was where we stayed when the whole family was here—but I wasn’t feeling the whole bunk bed thing. I’d outgrown it. Years ago, really. I’d grown into my lanky legs and kept right on growing. Now, at six-foot-three, I wasn’t going to force myself into the top bunk if I didn’t have to.
I walked down the hall, past the only bathroom in the cabin, to the slightly larger main bedroom the parents used and set all of my stuff down. I sat on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands, recounting what brought me here.
I’d been living in Oregon for the last couple of years, working off and on with local environmental agencies, but the work was always seasonal or by contract for certain projects. At times, I really loved it, but it came and went too quickly, and it wasn’t consistent enough to be able to live on.
In a rather low moment with a long lapse between contracts, feeling lonely and sorry for myself, my thoughts returned to Jeremy. Not my stepbrother who I couldn’t bear to see paradinghis nonstop train of lovers, but the boy who once pressed me against the bathroom wall in a church and gave me my first kiss.
Whenever that summer came to mind, I would do the logical thing and call my mom. It was effectively an emotional cold shower, dousing my lust-filled memories with the reminder that I’dhadto give him up. She was the one who’d suggested this trip to get me out of my funk. Only, now that I was here, the funk had come with me.
I scrubbed my hand through my short black hair and decided to take an actual shower and not just an emotional one. Traveling always made me feel grimy anyway. After unpacking my toiletries, I went to the bathroom. As I waited for the shower to get hot, I took off my glasses and scrubbed a hand down my face, feeling a huge mix of emotions. It was weird to be back here, especially alone, but it wasn’t all bad. There were good memories here, too.
Jeremy
Driving by my alma mater always evoked a strange mix of nostalgia and longing. I had few complaints about my high school days at Stony Creek School. In fact, I missed them most of the time. Nothing in my adult life compared to the high that came from a crowd cheering your name when you scored a touchdown.Almostnothing.
I pulled into the parking lot and stared at the school office. This wasn't my first time back since I graduated. I'd participated in several alumni events over the last eight years, including an alumni football game that featured returning players from every generation since the school opened in the eighties. Playing against my dad had been a blast; the old man still had moves.
He'd grown up here in our family cabin and left after high school, much as I had. Once I was in the picture and he foundhimself as a single father, he decided the small town life would be better and safer for me. I could admit cabin fever was a very real thing, and there were times I felt like I would crawl out of my skin from being in such a small place without much to do, but it wasn't all bad.
Having the same group of friends and the same class of students all through primary and secondary school had been pretty cool. We were still tight, even with everybody spreading out into the big wide world. I knew I could call any of them, and we would pick up right where we left off. Loyal, forever friends, that's what they were.
Being here now, though, wasn't about reuniting or an alumni event but a potential big life shift, one that left me buzzing with both excitement and uncertainty. What would it be like to be here permanently? If I could handle the small town as a teen, surely I could handle it as an adult. Except I would know something was missing.Someone.
Nope. Not going there. He’d made it clear there was no hope of anything between us, but this wasn't about him. This was about me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was taking back some control and pursuing something I could love. I'd done a lot of pursuing in my life, to be honest, but it was mostly for immediate gratification, not for passion or for something I had a heart for. This was true for both my professional and personal lives.
I’d gotten my AA degree but was bored and unmotivated to continue. I might have loved my high school experience, but it wasn't because of my classes, and I just didn't have the desire to pursue further education. Instead, I started working, hopping from one meaningless job to another. With my thirties getting closer, I was ready to stop wandering and find a path. Maybe, just maybe, the path would start here.
I blew out a breath and got out of the car with butterflies in my stomach. When I reached the door to the office, it was locked, which shouldn't have been surprising, considering it was almost five on a Friday afternoon, but it didn't occur to me when I parked. I let out a heavy sigh and prepared to head back to my car after a wasted trip.
I heard the door open and a voice called out, “Can I help you?”
When I turned back around, I found my lips pull up at the sight of my old principal. He had less hair, and his belly was a little rounder than the last time I'd seen him, but he smiled warmly, transporting me back to being a student.
“Well, I'll be. Is that Jeremy Rodriguez?”
“Yes, sir. It's good to see you, Mr. West.” I offered my hand, and he shook it enthusiastically.
“Please, you can call me Gary.”
I chuckled, “Sure…Gary. I don't know… it feels pretty weird.”
He barked out a laugh. “Believe me, I get it. It's just as weird seeing my former students being actual adults. Weirder still to have them show up for parent conferencesasthe parents. But, you know, that's just how it goes. What brings you by? I mean, I wasn’t expecting to see you for another week.”
“Yeah, I came out early. I thought I would take a little trip down memory lane and maybe make a vacay out of it.” Really, I had nothing else going on, so it seemed as good a plan as any, but I wasn't about to tell him that.
“That's a great idea. Some folks have a hard time adjusting back to small town life after living in the big city, so it's probably smart to see if there's enough here to keep you happy.”
