Page 52 of The Way Home
Ifelt as nervous as I had before my first varsity game as a player, only this time I was the coach. My first official game and a crowd full of parents who were going to hate me if I screwed this up. Working with the team had been great. I loved it, and I felt like we’d been connecting well, but why did they have to come with parents? The thought made me shudder.
I woke up this morning with my stomach in knots and my chest tight, but Riley helped me relax in a little pre-work shower session, one where we were on thesameside of the curtain. Though, months later, it still got me hot thinking of when he snuck into the bathroom, hearing him jerk off without seeing him. Riley surprised me then, and he continues to surprise me now.
We’d reached the point where our current relationship had been going longer than our previous one, and for me this was all new territory. With other people, I couldn’t fathom how things wouldn’t get boring when I barely could handle sleeping with the same person twice. Not with Riley. Now, every day was one I looked forward to, and every night was one I craved, even if it was simply sleeping and getting to hold him in my arms.
Riley knew me, too. Oftentimes, it seemed he knew me better than I knew myself. Whenever I started to get overwhelmed, he was there. It was comforting to know I didn’t have to face it alone, and he had this natural understanding of what I needed, whether it was exertion through running or sex, or soothing me and helping me breathe. This morning, Riley opted for the naked, wet exertion variety, which I was a big fan of.
Unfortunately, the high didn’t last as long as I hoped. I was dressed and getting ready to leave for work, and the nerves were creeping back in. The game wasn’t until the evening, but I worked at the school during the day as well. Most of my team were in weight-training classes that I supervised. Riley stopped me before I headed out.
While I donned what had become my traditional uniform of a polo shirt with the school logo and slacks, Riley wore a white lab coat over a T-shirt with Mr. DNA from Jurassic Park. His black-frame glasses highlighted the golden flecks in his green eyes, and his—wickedly sexy—trimmed beard completed the look. My adorably hot nerd scientist.
Soon after we moved into the cabin, Riley started looking for work around town, not sure what he could do, given his background. I suggested he apply at the science museum. His eyes lit up at the idea, and the more he thought about it, the more excited he got. Riley had been a little uncertain about it after we’d gotten caught making out, but he managed to pushthrough it. They were impressed by his degrees and experience and hired him on the spot.
Riley absolutely loved it. It wasn’t what he thought he would be doing, but he got to share his passion for science with kids in a way that had been so important to him when he was younger. I loved seeing him happy and loved the stories he came home with.
He straightened the collar of my polo shirt and said, “We have a field trip coming this afternoon, but I promise I’m going to make it for the game.”
“Good. I’m not sure I can do it without you.”
“Youcan, but you won’t have to. Just remember what you tell the team. It’s not whether you win or lose…”
“It’s how you play the game. Yeah, yeah. Integrity and intention over points on the board. It’s easier to say for someone else.” I grimaced.
“You have done an amazing job. Your kids have worked really hard. Now it’s time to let them play. It’s agame, after all.”
“It’s a game,” I repeated. Acknowledging it didn’t take away from its value, but it was a good reminder. It was hard, but it was also meant to be fun.
“Oh! I got you something for your first big game,” Riley said with a playful expression.
“You did?”
“Yup. Hold on.” He ran to the bedroom that used to hold our bunk beds and now acted as our storage space. When he came back, he was holding a big, flat box.
“What is it?”
Riley shoved the box at me and shifted on his feet excitedly. “Open it.”
I yanked the top off and untucked the tissue paper to reveal a jacket. I tilted my head and pulled it out of the box. It had the school colors on it with our mascot on the front, and on the backit said “Coach.” A wide smile stretched across my face as I took it in. It would have been nice enough if it was just that, but the fact that the letters were all blinged out, covered in crystals was ten times better.
“Riley, this is…”
“A little dramatic?” He prompted with amusement.
“Ha. Maybe a little, but it's perfect. I love it.” I tried to be as open as appropriate boundaries allowed with the students, recognizing I was in a position to be able to create a safe space and foster an inclusive and supportive environment for them. I wasn't afraid to show off a little bling.
Riley took it from me and helped me put it on. He grabbed the front of it and looked me in the eye. “Now everyone else can see you sparkle the way I do.” He kissed me and sent me to work with a smile, thinking how incredibly lucky I was to have someone who got me and saw me like that.
Of course, the sweet send-off had worn off throughout the day, and now that the game was about to start, my nerves were cranked up even more. I tucked into the windbreaker, which I'd gotten several compliments on, and tried to focus on him.
“Hey, Coach, can I talk to you for a minute?” My quarterback stood in front of me, looking pale. I recognized that look—hell, I probably had a degree of it at the moment, too. First game jitters.
“Sure, Colton, what's up?”
He held his helmet in his hand as he stared at the ground. “I'm not feeling so great. I don't think I can do this.”
Something finally clicked, and I shut down all of my nerves and doubt. It wasn't about me or how I felt, it was about the kids. They neededmysupport. “The lights, the crowd, it's a lot, I get it. This is why we put so much time in practice, though. We do it over and over until it becomes automatic. You know the plays.You know what to do. Trust yourself and focus on the field, not on the stands.”
He nodded slowly. “I know the plays.”
