Page 109 of A Light in the Darkness
“That wasn’t my finest moment.”
“I told you that you were free to do whatever you wanted,” Remy says, “but I texted Moose that I’d slit his throat if I found out another man so much as laid a hand on you. Not my finest moment… but I’d do it over again.”
I’m not sure what possesses me, but this feels like a good time to come clean. “I tried to seduce him.” I rush out. “Moose. Not because I wanted him, but because I wanted to feel…wanted.”
To my surprise, Remy doesn’t look angry about that. Instead, he traces the side of my face with gentle fingers, outlining my cheek, my lips, my jaw. “You’re wanted, baby. I’ve wanted nothing but you since I saw you in my room.”
I nod, refusing to let that admission make me swoon. “But only me. Not a family, kids…” I gesture to the home in front of us, which is tall and almost palatial. It has a smaller blueprint than Remy’s home or the Boudreaux’s Oregon residence, but it’s probably just as huge in terms of square footage. “How am I going to have anything with you when I have to make a commitment to these kids? What am I going to do, alternate weekends and splitholidays? You’re willing to share partial custody of me with your sister?”
“Partial custody?” He laughs. “No, I wouldn’t consider that. I’m never letting you out of my sight again. I’ll be installing your GPS tracker soon.”
“It’s not funny.” I shake my head, staring out at the building before us.
“I’m not joking.” Remy assures me, catching my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
“I’m about to be responsible for thirteen children.” I shake my head. We were able to reunite eight children with their families after the crew scanning through pixelated missing children’s photos for the better part of a week, but there are still a baker’s dozen who can’t be traced, who have no one… except me. “Me. I didn’t even finish college. I can barely take care of myself, and I’m going to play mother to a bunch of kidnapped children? That’s fucking insane. You realize that?”
Despite telling me he wasn’t joking, his lips twitch as he appraises me. And then he sobers for a minute. “You know you don’t have to do this? We can back out and no one would blame you.”
“I’m not backing out,” I shake my head.
“You want to do this?”
I hesitate for only a minute. I do want this. I’ve always wanted this—to rewrite my story for someone else. I want to be someone’s safe space, their port in the storm. The thing is, I always imagined being that for a child, but I think I may be that for Remy, too.
“I want you, too.”
He lifts a brow, glancing out the windshield for a minute before turning back to me. “You have me. I’m not going anywhere.”
I roll my eyes at him, appreciating the sentiment, but it does nothing to solve our predicament. He may think he’s in, but he already told me, pretty much from the start, that he didn’t want anything like this.
“You don’t believe me?” He pouts.
“Do I believe that you want to raise other people’s kids as your own? Do I believe that you want to give up your bachelor lifestyle to play Papa Bear?” I laugh. “Sorry, but no.”
“I thought that I couldn’thavethis life, Claire. I pushed you away because it wasn’t fair to string you along with promises of what you could have, but I wouldn’t give you.”
“Is that not what you’re doing now?” I challenge.
“No.” He shakes his head. “Because I’ve realized I’d rather hurt every day of my life for one perfect day with you. I realized that I’d give you the heart in my chest even if I knew you were going to stomp on it, because it’s fucking worthless to me without you. I realized that the only reason I didn’t want a family was because I thought I’d just be breeding soldiers for this fucked up Brotherhood my parents sold me into. I want it all, Claire, and I want it with you by my side.”
I swipe at the tears that broke free from my eyes and slipped down my cheek, sniffling. “I’m supposed to believe that six months changed your mind?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Not six months. It took one single moment for me to realize that I should have built you a fucking rocket and brought you the moon back in pieces. It took one single moment to realize that if anything happened to you, I’d never forgive myself for letting you down. It took one single moment for me to realize that I want what you want, because all I want is for you to be happy, because that’s what love is. I didn’t know it before, and that made me scared to have a family, because how could I love them if I didn’t even know what it was supposed to be like? My parents never had that to give me, you didn’t have anyone to give it to you. But I found it in you, and now I know that I’ll be a good father to thirteen kids or thirty-two or forty-five, because your love is infinite. It feeds mine.”
I feel like I could choke on the air, and I’m pretty sure my heart skips several beats before it returns to a normal rhythm, though I feel it pounding against my ribcage, like it’s trying to break out ofits restraints and get to him. My throat is thick with tears I won’t shed, because I’m putting on a brave face, pretending that all of what he just said isn’t downright terrifying.
Guess it’s my turn to even the score. I let out a caged breath and find the courage to glance at him from the corner of my eye.
If he’s going to run, I bet this will be the moment.
“I’m pregnant.”
Chapter sixty
Remy
I only stare at her, not sure I heard her right. I thought she was going to say she was scared, that she didn’t know how to do this. But I think she just told me…
