Page 115 of A Light in the Darkness
Her laugh is dismissive, and she turns her attention back to our daughter, so I give her a minute before trying again. “Youare astounding.Youamaze me.”
I’ve seen a lot of shit but watching her birth a little human was probably the most intense thing of all. Being completely helpless was new to me, and it was a special sort of agony to not be able to take away her pain. We’ve both taken lives, watched a soul exit the world, and now we’ve both seen a new one come into it. There aren’t words other than the ones I’ve already given her.
And yet, as she glances back up at me, her eyes are filled with tears that are too heavy to be the tears of joy she first shed when the doctor placed Elena against her chest. They strike terror through me, and I glance her over, looking for the call button.
“Are you in pain? Do you need something?”
She shakes her head, but as fat tears roll down her cheeks, it’s obvious that something is wrong.
“Claire,” I say gently, setting my hand atop hers that’s splayed across the blanket bundling our baby. “Talk to me?”
“It’s stupid.” She sniffs, shaking her head like that will clear the tears. But her arms are full, so I wipe them away for her, slowly, stroking her cheek until she draws in a shaky breath. “I’m scared.”
I only blink at her. “That’s not stupid at all, Claire. That’s completely normal. We’re in charge of a human. I’m fucking terrified.”
She shakes her head again, and I wonder if maybe I should have pretended I’m not scared.
“It’s not just that,” she sighs, nipping at her lower lip as she tries to decide the words she needs. “It’s just… we both got fucked up by the adults in our life. Who’s to say we won’t do the same to her?”
“Claire…” I sigh, moving onto the bed and taking the space next to her so that I can tuck her head against my chest. “We won’t fuck this up because we’re different than our parents. Her story isn’t ours.”
“We don’t know that. We don’t know what the future holds.”
“We know that she has thirteen brothers and sisters so far who would do anything to protect her, a father that would kill for her, a mother that would die for her, aunts and uncles who will dote on her every breath. This child will want for nothing, Claire, I promise you.”
“I’ve just been thinking about my mother…” Claire ventures, her breath hitching with a sob she suppresses.
My stomach twists, because of course she has. It got lost on me in all the joy, but how can she not be aching for her own mother in a moment like this? “She grew up without parents, and at one point, she probably thought she was going to have it all with my father. And then…” She shakes her head and then burrows against my chest. “I mean, Violet and I grew up completely separate, and yet we both suffered. What if it’s in our DNA? What if we passed that down to her?”
I stroke the top of her head, pressing my lips against her and breathing her in. “It doesn’t matter where any of us came from. We’ve all broken the generational curses of our parentage, Claire. You, me, Rhea.”
She nods, recognizing that as real as the fear is, we are not our parents. The circumstances are entirely different. And honestly, given how fantastic her father has been since he pulled himself out of the spiral, I don’t doubt that if Lauren’s story had ended differently, if Claire’s had started differently, that he’d have been a fantastic father. And Lauren, from everything Victor and his sister have told us about her, would be the world’s best mom.
“Even on the days where it’s too much, our network is too big to fail. Dimitri, Kent, Elaine, Taissa. This baby in your arms? This beautiful, innocent little thing? She’s the light that will keep us on the right path. No one can dim her light, baby. And no one will take her from us. I promise you that.”
I expect her to argue that I can’t promise that, and I’ve already been preparing my counterargument. Our house, as chaotic as itcan get, has practically become Fort Knox as I’ve taken the process of babyproofing quite seriously. But Claire doesn’t offer me any further discourse, simply holding Elena a little tighter.
There’s a faint knock on the door, and then a moment later, my sister is creeping in. I expect to see Dimitri follow her in as she holds the door open, but instead, a blonde head pokes tentatively around the space.
“I don’t have to stay, if you want me to go.” Violet says, looking at me first, and then Claire.
“I told you,” Rhea says, ushering her inside, “You’re family.”
“Of course you can stay.” Claire says, mustering a smile that’s only a little hesitant. I’m not sure yet how much I trust my sister-in-law… or my half-brother. He saved my life apparently, but I’ll never forget that he nearly took Claire from me. And his wife? Well, I’ve encouraged Claire to kill, but something about the way Violet did it sticks with me.
Claire killed to silence her demons, but I almost get the feeling her sister kills to feed hers.
Despite the invitation, Violet hesitates until Rhea drags her forward. When her eyes fall on Elena, my sister stills entirely, her mouth falling open as if she forgot the whole reason she was even here.
“Oh my God,” she whispers, closing the distance to where we are. I can see the tears shining in her eyes, the little quiver of her lips. “You did it.”
“Didn’t really have a choice.” Claire teases, her lips curling into a grin. “She had to come out one way or another.”
Spurred on by Rhea’s gushing, Violet creeps closer until she stands at the edge of the bed, her eyes wide with awe.
“She’s beautiful.” Violet breathes.
Claire tears her eyes from our daughter to smile at her sister, more genuinely this time. “She is.” She agrees. “Would you like to hold her?”
