Page 37 of A Light in the Darkness
As much as I want to do this, I’m not stupid. I could be walking right into my own demise, trying to trap him like this. But it’s a risk I’ve decided is worth taking. Too many people hold my freedom in their hands. Too many people are keeping me from figuring my shit out. Wes, Davos, Remy, Moose.
I only want to kill one of them, but I need all the others to stand back and let it happen… or I need to evade them all until it’s done.
Tapping on the icon, a series of numbers pops up on my screen, giving me a moment’s pause. And then realization sets in that I’m looking at a set of coordinates. I’m just tapping on them to see where they take me when the door opens. I nearly jump out of my skin to find Moose staring at me from the doorway.
“What?” I demand, covering my misdeeds with irritation.
He raises his hands like he can deflect my attitude. “Just checking on the birthday princess.” He says, his eyes roving over me. I already locked the phone and dropped it on the bed, making no attempt to hide it, which would only look suspicious.
“And I’m just taking a moment to myself.” I force a smile. “You’re interfering.”
That doesn’t bother him, of course. He eases into the room, leaving the door open. “You don’t want the attention?”
“Nope.” I pop my lips. “Despite what you may think, I’m not an attention whore. And those people downstairs are not my friends.”
“Harsh.” Moose chuckles, dropping down on the bed at my side, making me dip with the weight of him on my mattress. He laces his fingers behind his head and leans back contentedly, as if he isn’t overstepping some boundaries right now. “They care about you.”
“They don’t know me.” I snap, moving away from him and sliding the phone onto the pillow on the ground, lest he make a grab for it.
“Doyouknow you?”
“Fuck off, Moose.” I roll off the bed, standing up. “I came here to get away from you, not for a philosophy lesson.”
Moose only grins, rolling over onto his side and propping himself up with an elbow. “No philosophy lesson here, princess. Just curious.”
“Well, don’t be.” I shrug. “Nothing interesting here.”
Almost a year after nearly having a breakdown about my lack of direction in life, I’m still just as lost, a single ship in a vast ocean without a lighthouse to guide me away from the rocks. That realization hurts more than I want to admit.
“I disagree.” Moose says softly. “I think you’re interesting.”
“Do you?” I mock, my voice bitter. “What is it you find so compelling about me? Is it the way I zone out in class and stare into space? Is it the way I’m so social? Or have you fallen for my sparkling personality?”
His soft lips tip into a smirk. “None of the above. You’re just not as bad as you think.”
“Wow.” I simper. “You’re really great at this. You missed your calling as a life coach.”
Moose chuckles, rising off the bed so that he can stand flush with me. “Stop thinking, Monroe. Just start doing.”
“You stopped me when I tried that.” I snap, reminding him of his intrusion on my date.
“I don’t mean stop thinking altogether. And I don’t mean do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences. I mean, stop thinking about who you are and start doing stuff that will make you who you want to be.”
It’s quiet as I stare at him, wondering where the hell that sage advice came from. It is good advice. The only problem is, I don’t really know who I want to be either. But I know who I don’t want to be, and that’s probably a good start.
“It’s not too late to go back to college and switch your major to psychology.” I tell him. “You seem to like messing with people’s heads.”
“I’ve got an engineering degree collecting dust back home.” He grins, waving me off.
Silence falls between us as I contemplate what our relationship is. I’m not interested in him, and I don’t think he’s interested in me. Maybe it’s just the sheer amount of time we’ve spent together over the course of the last few months, but it feels like something has shifted from where we began. Imightactually have another friend besides Rhea.
“Thank you,” I say finally. “I appreciate you.”
Moose makes a face, looking disgusted. “Ah, that’s it.” He takes a step back, shaking his head. “You’ve discovered my only fear.”
“Being… thanked?”
“Nope. Making me nice.” He shivers to illustrate his point, and I reach for the pillow still on the bed so I can chuck it at his head.
