Page 67 of A Light in the Darkness
“I found him.” The words make my throat ache, but I take a sip from the water next to me and try to make the rest of the words come out smoother. “But he knew I was coming.”
Because he led me to him, like Gretel following breadcrumbs to the house made of sweets so she could be stuffed into the oven. I’m so stupid. “I gave Dimitri access to my location, and he knew that meant to useit.”
She stares at me for a moment, contemplating it. “Who was this guy? Just some sicko?”
It would be easier to just admit to that than to say he may have been my fucking biological father, but I shake my head. “He raped my mother.”
Rhea stills so completely I wonder if my brain is glitching. I’m not sure if she even breathes as she lets the words marinate. “What? How do you—?”
“He told me. He said it could be him or thirty other men who got her pregnant with me.”
I’m being indelicate, insensitive to her feelings. But I don’t have the energy to sugarcoat the ugly truth, and the parsed words I do give her feel like I’m swallowing a cheese grater.
Her jaw falls open and she presses a hand to her stomach. I watch her mouth move for a minute, floundering around for words that won’t mean anything. “I-I’m so sorry. Did he—?”
He hurt me in many ways, the worst of which was telling me that I came from a place so sinister, a person so despicable, that it’s shaken everything I know about who I think I am. But I shake my head anyways, because I know what type of hurt she’s asking about.
I don’t know if it is luck that he had something to deal with, or if that was just part of his sick game, to leave me stewing in my terror, my hatred, my disgust. She’s obviously relieved at the news, but she doesn’t let too much of it show. “Are you okay?”
Rhea knows that’s a stupid question to ask, but it doesn’t stop her. I know it’s rude to tell her that was a stupid question, but it doesn’t stop me.
When the words leave my mouth, she looks like I’ve slapped her. Shock pulls at her lips, parting them for a moment before she shakes her head. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry, that was dumb. I haven’t slept much. I—”
“You haven’t slept much?” I laugh, and then wince at the ache itcauses. “Boo-hoo.”
A crease forms between her eyebrows as she stares at me, trying to decide whether I’m playing with her or not. But I’m not joking. I can’t muster sympathy for her inability to sleep when I can barely muster any sort of energy to feelanything else.
I suppose I could have kept that to myself though.
“You aren’t serious? I’ve been worried sick about you!Again!”
“I’m fine,” I say, because that’s the only thing I can think to settle things down. It doesn’t work, though.
“No, you’re notfine, Claire! Look at you! This isn’t fine!”
“Stop yelling.”
My head hasn’t stopped hurting since the chain tried to pull it off my shoulders. Honestly, I think it may have pulled me apart a little inside, done damage that didn’t show up on the outside. I haven’t even gotten the shrill fire alarm out of my ears… it’s ever-present, a low hum or a wailing cry. It interrupts every thought I try to put together.
“No!” Rhea snaps. “I don’t think I will, because I don’t know how else to get it through to you that you fucking matter to me! You keep putting yourself in danger like you don’t have anyone who will suffer for it. It’s like I don’t even matter to you.”
“Of course you matter.” I say, though my tone is the same flat whisper, hardly convincing.
Rhea must agree, because tears well in her eyes. “Stop doing this, Claire! Stop running full speed at brick walls.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means you’re hurting yourself on purpose… making stupid decisions, doing dumb shit that is only going to end up bad for you and all of us!”
“I’m sorry,” I say, blinking. “Are you blaming me for what happened?”
It’s my fault. I know that. It was negligent at best and foolhardy at worst to think that I could trust a stranger, to think that I could find Wes and put an end to Davos. But to hear her put the blame on me? That hurts in a whole new way.
“Yeah, you know what?” She crosses her arms, doubling down on her statement. “Yes, I am. You are only thinking about yourself here!”
“That’s not true.”
“Oh?” She sneers. “Isn’t it? Because if you were thinking about me or even Remy, you never would have abandoned me like that!”
