Page 81 of A Light in the Darkness
“I’m not great around people in general right now,” Claire says, so quietly I wonder if it was just meant for herself. Kent and Rich have fallen away a little, and I’m out of her line of sight, just enough that she’s in arm’s reach of me.
Luca smiles sympathetically. “Where’d they find you? You weren’t with us,”
“No,” Claire agrees with a laugh. “Remy found me in his room, actually.”
Something about the way she says it almost makes me want to laugh with her. It’s not much, but it’s the sweetest sound, and I’ve just now realized how much I missed it.
“Did someone put you there?” Luca asks, glancing from her to me.
“I’ll tell you the story sometime,” Claire promises, standing up and letting his hand slip from hers finally.
“I’ll hold you to it, new girl.” He grins, turning with a flourish to swim toward Pietro. She watches them together a minute, something more than a friendship hanging between them, and yet something untested, new.
When she turns to face Kent, I see something in her that I haven’t seen in months. Excitement isn’t the right word, though it’s something akin to it. Maybe eager, as she asks, “What else is there to see?”
Rich and Claire lead the way, and I should have realized that was a mistake. It gives Kent the perfect opportunity to fall back at my side.
“I’m surprised you haven’t gone yet.” I tell him, before he can say anything to me. “You know the jet is at your disposal.”
“Yeah,” Kent agrees. There’s less vitriol in his voice now than there’s been since I betrayed his expectations of me. Bringing up his wife has disarmed him, and now rather than him coming for me the way he’s been all day, he’s on the defensive. “I wanted to. Really, I did.” He laughs a little bitterly. “Rich told me it was a badidea, and he was right. Every cell in my body wants to go to her, but she’s been in the same place for months. I saw her… photos.”
I watch him chew his lip, wondering how Wes’ friend helped him find photos of her. We’ve scoured the internet for even a trace of her, and we’ve got nothing every single time. “She looks good. Not broken or scared. She doesn’t have bruises or scars, and I don’t want her to—” He hurries to add that, lest he think I’m judging him. “But it’s got me worried about what they did to her mind. Just because she looks like she’s in one piece, doesn’t mean she is.”
I nod, knowing that all too well.
“You’re scared?” I surmise.
“Fucking terrified.” He snorts. “Wouldn’t you be?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I absolutely would.”
For a moment, we share the silence. And then I ask, “So, when do we leave?”
“I don’t need your pity, Boudreaux.” Kent snips, turning away from me. “You said you’re done. Don’t break your principles on my account.”
“It’s not breaking my principles.” I tell him. “It’s unfinished business. I can do this one last thing for you, because you’ve had my back these last few months. Let me have yours.”
Kent considers me a moment, and then nods. “Dimitri is already working on a game plan. I’ll fill you in tomorrow.”
Chapter forty-nine
Claire
It’s weird, lying in bed next to Remy. We haven’t done anything more than innocent touch since the night I told him I can never love him. Maybe he took that to mean that I didn’t want him in my life, but I’m not sure how I even meant it… or if I did. I wanted to push him away, wanted to push Rhea away, wanted everyone to just fucking leave me alone so that my black hole heart wouldn’t rip them apart.
And now, suddenly I don’t want to be alone anymore.
It's why I’m grateful that he insisted if we were going to stay here, rather than going back to his house together, that we were going to share a room. I don’t think there’s any danger to be had here in their little compound, but after a week of having him just across the hall from me, the thought of having two separate rooms feels lonely.
The only problem is, now he’s asleep next to me, wearing nothing but his boxers and I can’t think about anything other than how badly I want things to go back to the way they were before I left. Given the chance to do it over, I wouldn’t have left in the first place—not because of everything that came after, but because it was a mistake to begin with.
I’ve always loved to swim, but I never realized I was drowning until he pulled me against him and helped me fight the tide. I thought I knew what I wanted, what I needed to do to get what I wanted. I thought a life with a husband and kids, and a stable home would feed the part of my soul that’s always been empty, and I justified leaving him because he couldn’t fill that hole.
Now I know the hole was never just for the normal life I thought I wanted—it was for the other part of me… the space where my sister should have been. I might never have known about her if I hadn’t left him, but now I know that the problem wasn’t him or me. The problem was the bitch who separated us, the one who made sure I would never have the love of a family because she stole me from everyone who ever cared about me up until Rhea.
The bitch is gone, but it’s not as if that magically fixes everything.
I’ll work on the whole sister thing in due time. Twenty-one years apart is a lot to try and make up for, and we’ve both got our own shit to work through, clearly. The more pressing matter is the man sleeping inches away from me. I briefly entertain the idea of climbing atop him and waking him with his cock in my mouth, but something tells me that wouldn’t move the dial after it was said and done.
