Page 87 of A Light in the Darkness
I can tell that the anxiety of that is enough to make him want to put his fist through a wall. How do you go for an entire month between sightings?
“Okay.” I nod. “So, what do we need?”
“It doesn’t look like we need anything. I’d run surveillance if we had more time,but—”
“I know.” He doesn’t need to remind me again. I know it’s been years since he saw her last, since she disappeared off the face of the earth. We’re doing this the best that we can as fast as we can.
“The three of us, Michael and Rook? A five man team seems like a bit of an overshot, honestly, but—”
“It’s better to be overprepared.” I agree. “Let me track down the others.” I take two steps toward the door and come to a dead stop when I see Claire standing there, watching us. I wonder how much she heard.
“Where are you going?”
I don’t know if it’s fear in her eyes or just a general distrust, and when I say nothing, she turns to the others.
They have no allegiance to her. Kent’s honestly been more of a dick to her, pretending she doesn’t exist, then I’ve seen him be to anyone. Sensing that she isn’t going to get an answer, she walks past us and sets about making another pot of coffee. Rich even fills the decanter with water for her.
As he passes it to her, Rich takes it upon himself to tell her the truth. “We’ve got a mission. Gotta get Kent’s wife back for him.”
“Your wife?” Claire turns to Kent, whose stare softens when she faces him. He nods, and then decides to tell her everything.
“She was kidnapped when I was in the service. Her entire life was just wiped away, like she never existed, but now we’ve found her.”
“Oh my God.” Claire breathes, clearly startled by that information. She nods curtly, and then her eyes meet mine. “I’ll be ready in five. I just have to go change.” She glances down at the pajamas she’s still wearing, a shorts set that is a remarkable improvement over the sweats. I didn’t mind those, really, but I hated how she hid her legs from me… legs I have thoroughly enjoyed her wrapping around me. Now I wish she’d put on the damn sweats before coming down, especially because Rich lets his eyes linger on her for just a touch longer than I like.
“I agree that you need to change,” I say gently, “but you’re not going with us.”
Claire frowns, her lips jutting out into a pout that simultaneously makes me want to shake her and kiss the frown away. The last week has been the longest of my life, waiting for signs that she’s still in there, and suddenly, she’s coming back to me, little by little.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s dangerous.” Rich answers for me. “She was kidnapped… whoever took her might decide they like you, too. You’re a distraction.”
“That’s rude.” Claire laughs, not seeming too put out despite herself. The coffee pot begins to churn, the only sound in the room as we all watch her. When she turns to Kent, her face is serious. “You’re a military man, right?” Kent nods curtly, looking none too impressed with however she managed to discover that. “So, you’re not exactly a paragon for safe and soothing.”
“I’m herhusband.” Kent snips, his shoulders squaring like he’s getting ready to fight the woman in front of him despite the fact she’s over a foot shorter than him and far too thin. I noticed that she seemed smaller when I first saw her in the hospital room, but seeing her stand before Kent is a reminder of how much she’s slimmed, losing unnecessary weight that softened her figure. I guess Moose was right, when he said that Claire wasn’t good. I should have believed him. I wasn’t good either.
“You were. Legally, youare. But you don’t know what she’s been through. She could be confused, scared. Depending on what she’s been through, just the sight of any man could trigger her, and yet you’re going to go after her with four other men?”
I step quickly in front of Claire, just in case Kent acts on the look he’s fixing her with, which tells me he’s considering punching her in the throat. I can’t imagine he’s the type to ever lay a hand on a woman, but I’m not taking chances.
“You think I haven’t thought about that?” Kent scoffs. “All I’ve thought about was her and what she’s going through! Whether she’s still holding on for me, or if she thinks I abandoned her, whether she’ll ever let me hold her again…” His voice is dangerouslyclose to breaking, and before he turns away to compose himself, I see the tears in his eyes.
“She will.” Claire assures him, stepping around me to move to his side. “But maybe not today. Maybe not this month. She’ll come back to you if you wait for her, but don’t do her the disservice of expecting her to fall right back into the way you were. Because she won’t be the same person she was before, either.”
There’s a pause as we all consider her words. They resonate, in a way I’m not even sure Claire realizes holds true for us. She isn’t the same girl she was that first night I met her, when I first began to fall for her even though I was too stupid to realize it. She’s not even the same girl she was before I broke her heart by refusing to give her the life she wanted from me. I’ve fallen in love with her a few times, each time not realizing it was with a different iteration of her. Even when I wanted to hurt her for her reckless compassion, I was falling harder for her.
But I don’t just love the versions of her that she’s been. Even in this moment, stubbornly trying to argue us into submission, I love her light. She can’t even see it, but I can’tnotsee it. It’s still there, despite how many people have tried to take it from her.
Loving her, I realize, isn’t enough. I have to tend to her light… to keep it burning instead of just admiring it. Even when doing so may not always be to my taste.
Kent turns back to meet my eyes, seeking my permission to confirm what he’s already realized. “She’s right.”
“She usually is.” I agree, waiting for her to turn to me. When she does, there’s a little smirk on her face. “Go get ready while I gather the others.”
The minute she’s gone, Rich lets out the laugh he’s at least been trying to hold back. “God damn, Rem. You’ve got it bad.”
He isn’t wrong. This love I have for her? It’s the strongest thing I’ve ever felt… and the most terrifying.
