Page 23 of Poisoning Ivy
I close my eyes and stick a hand in the bag, sifting through the pills until I pinch one between my fingers. When I open my eyes to watch as I draw it out of the bag, my fingers are closed around a little blue one. It looks innocent enough, but a little bit of fearslithers in my stomach as I stare at it. My eyes flicker to Monty, seeking reassurance, but he just shrugs.
"I'm not sure. Could be Molly, could be Valium."
It doesn't really matter what it is, I decide, because I don't want to be me tonight anyway. And that little pill promises that I won't have to be.
When I place it on the tip of my tongue, it doesn't immediately disintegrate, so Theo passes me the Vodka bottle he took off me to chase it down. It goes down smoother than any of the other times, and in spite of myself, I feel myself truly beginning to relax.
Chapter fifteen
Ivy
Age Eighteen
The railroad tunnel ahead of us swallows the night as Killian flips the headlights off and kills the engine. The half second we sit in silence is part peaceful and part eerie, and then Killian and Theo share a look. Theo opens the door for me and smirks when I let him help pull me out of the seat.
I realized, as we drove here, that I felt a deepening sense of peace. I didn't realize that I was feeling that because my body was relaxing into the seat, my limbs going into sleep mode. When my feet land on the ground, I can't tell if I'm standing on the cracked asphalt or on a cloud... I feel like I'm floating.
I've never felt so light, so uninhibited. I know it's stupid. I should not be trusting these guys enough to be inebriated around them. But really, what's the worst that can happen?
"Come here, flower." Theo chuckles, lacing his fingers through mine and using the grip to reel me close to him so he can slip an arm around my shoulder.
"Flower?" I slur, taking offense to the name. They've very rarely called me by my name, which is just as well since I absolutely shouldnotlove the flutter that it sends through meevery time one of them uses it. I'm usually Bambi, Tiger Lily, or Poison. The first two, I understand, I guess. Bambi was meant to be an insult because I'm always running like a deer. Tiger Lily, because of how my hair looked orange in the sunlight when I was younger, and the splash of freckles across my nose apparently sealed the deal for Theo. I still haven't figured out why Monty calls me poison other than because my name is Ivy, and he thinks he is original. He isn't, but I won't bother telling him that.
"Because you look especially delicate tonight." Theo grins, leading me around the front of the car, where Monty takes up on my other side.
Killian steps ahead of us without even glancing back at me, and the realization settles over me that I shouldn't follow them into the train tunnel. I'm pretty sure it's abandoned, but that doesn't mean it's safe.
Although a moving train may be preferable to what other things could be waiting in there... snakes, a bear, my father...
"Where are we going?" I ask as we step into the tunnel and all the light in the world is sucked away from us. High above my head, the cold stone closes us in, blocking out the light from the moon. "This the way to your secret clubhouse?"
Monty chuckles at the reference to how they used to tease me, telling me I wasn't allowed at their clubhouse because I was a girl, because I was an outsider, because I wasn't one of them. I think I hid it well, as a kid, how much I wanted to be one of them. It's hard not to belong anywhere. I didn't fit in with the kids at my school, or my parents’ friends' kids, or them. I was always a loner, an island unto myself. But eventually they quit teasing me about not being welcome in their clubhouse and invited me there... If I wanted to take my top off, or give Killian a blowjob, or similarly degrade myself for them.
"You too good for the clubhouse?" Theo whispers, his voice crawling inside me and stroking the inside of my spine. I shiver despite the fact I'm not cold and focus on moving forward.
"Maybe not tonight." I say, surprising myself when the last word is off my tongue.
I shouldn't give them any ideas, because I don't know how far they'll try to take it. They've never been good at controlling themselves when it comes to their jokes and pranks, and if I open a can of worms like that, I may not be able to get the lid back on it.
And yet, somehow, the thought of sucking Killian's cock doesn't repulse me the way it did the last time he asked me about it. I wonder if Monty would do the same for Theo if I dropped to my knees and sucked Killian off. I've heard that they like to fuck around. Of course, that information has come from gossip between my parents and their friends who visit the cabin in the summers, so I'm sure it's all a lie. And yet, the thought of watching Monty suck Theo and learning what to do to Killian makes me feel slippery with something I don't understand.
"Talking a big game, Bambi." Killian's voice echoes around us. "Wanna put your money where your mouth is?"
I stare at the back of his head for a minute, wondering if he somehow knew what I was thinking of moments before. Their laughter bounces around us, making me shiver with excitement.
There's a thrill to being here with them, and I don't quite understand it. I do know that I shouldn't feel this way. I should be so scared I never would have gotten in the car, so scared I never would have taken that pill, and so scared that I'd run into the woods alone rather than follow them into the dark.
And yet, for some reason, I'm not.
"I thought you didn't want my daddy's dirty money?" I say, putting an arm out to balance myself as I straddle the railroad track.
"You're right." Killian agrees. "Just his daughter's dirty little pussy."
"Fuck off." I roll my eyes, refusing to let him ruin the mood as Theo trails behind me, his hands ghosting over my hips in case I fall.
We walk for a while in silence, water splashing underfoot, and I'm grateful that I pulled on my sneakers rather than my sandals.
I'm just opening my mouth again to ask what we're doing here when a sound from ahead of us makes me freeze. Looking up, I see the light illuminating Killian's menacing grin.
