Page 10 of Vow of Vengeance
Declan may be obsessed with me, but my friends love me. I know the two things aren't the same. It's why I have to be honest with them about his presence in my life... about what we did. I'm actually glad, as the phone rings, that I don't have a mother to worry about breaking this news to. Waiting for Marissa to answer and trying to figure out how I'm going to explain this to her is agonizing enough, and I don't expect the entire third degree from her.
Marissa thinks with her heart and her libido, rarely with her head. If anyone will tell me I'm not insane for fucking Declan Evers, it's her. And if anyone will tell us we're both certifiable, it's Khan. I patch him in the second Marissa picks up, yelling about me not answering any of her texts.
When Khan joins the call, his voice is full of urgency. "Ren? You okay?"
"Yes," I assure them, opening the refrigerator absently. I don't know what I'm looking for, but my anxiety is too great to sit still,so I busy myself pulling Tupperware out of the fridge, assessing the contents.
"Where have you been?" Khan snaps angrily. "I went by your place twice, and it looks like you haven't been home in days. Your phone went straight to voicemail, and you ignored all of our texts."
"You're a former psych patient, in case you've forgotten!" Marissa adds. "You can't just ghost us, okay? Khan thought you jumped off a bridge with a cinder block tied around your ankle or something. This man called every hospital in the city. He even had Tony put out a reward on any information that would help us find you."
I laugh, unable to help myself. "You didn't have to be so dramatic about it."
"Dramatic?" Khan snaps. "Dramatic?" I recognize by the pitch of his voice that he's angry, which helps sober me a little. "You wrote a hit piece on Declan Evers, then he bought the company you work for. He showed up at your house unannounced and you told me you were his bitch. And then you just—poof—disappear off the face of the planet. When we talked to Tony, he said that he suspected Evers of being the one behind your attack. He told us someone was outside your window. I thought you were dead or something! I thought—"
"Calm down." Marissa huffs, and I can picture her rolling her eyes at him. "Soren's an adult. She doesn't have to tell us everything."
"Thank you." I say. But I've barely gotten the last words off my tongue before she speaks again.
"But you'resupposedto tell us everything! What the fuck is going on, Ren? Where are you? Are you... withhim?"
I cast a glance behind me at the room where I left Declan asleep. "Yes."
"What? How did that happen?"
"It's not important. Work trip. Listen, I just wanted to level with you guys. I know it won't make any sense, so don't ask questions, but... I slept with him."
Literally slept with him. I figuratively slept with him too, of course.
They're both so quiet that I have to look at my phone to be sure we're still connected.
"What the hell?" Khan asks, at the same time Marissa asks, "Youfuckedhim?"
"I can't explain it to you." I sigh. "I can't explain it to myself. I just need to know if it was wrong. Should I stop?"
"Oh, it's definitely wrong." Marissa laughs.
"Hard agree." Khan intones, cutting in before Marissa can finish the rest of her sentence.
"But you definitely shouldn't stop. Are you doing it right now?"
"No!" I laugh, because it's so very typical of her to think I'd do something so risky. There's no way I'd be able to carry out a conversation while Declan was inside of me... he consumes me too much.
"How was he? Is he huge? I've heard he's huge."
I groan, regretting my spur of the moment decision to come clean on this. But I also can't ignore the question completely, not when I'm looking for some sort of validation.
"It was amazing." I whisper, hoping he hasn't gotten up yet to hear my confession. Not that he would know what I'm talking about anyway. "It was like... a huge weight being lifted off my chest."
"I told you months ago you just needed dick." Marissa says proudly, referencing one of the million times she told me to create a dating profile. I argued with her every time that I wasn't ready yet, and she argued back that I just needed a release. Maybe she was right.
I don't bother arguing with her that a random hookup probably wouldn't have given me the same results.
"Khan?"
"Ren?" Khan sounds tired, his voice unamused. He tolerates our girl talk well, but I can tell he's not enjoying this conversation. What I don't know is if it's because I've chosen to try and move on or because of who I chose to try and move on with. "What do you want me to say?"
I bite my lip, debating on giving a voice to the question I've been ignoring. "Is it a betrayal? Am I dishonoring my husband and our baby if I do this with someone else?"
