Page 18 of Vow of Vengeance
One of the last times Wes contacted me, he sent me a link that I should have ignored. I didn't, though, and I had to watch as he tormented a young woman to prepare her for an auction. It’s her face that has tormented me for years, when I let myself sink too low. A year later, he reached out again, asking for me to help find someone for him. I’d agreed, only because he’d sworn to never reach out to me again.
That video hadn't been as vile, but it's the one that's kept me from sleep the most. It's the numbers on the side of the screen, the bids for more money than I even have in my checking account, the comments of what heinous things the bidders wanted to do with her.
I thought that was bad, butthisis worse.
And I just made Soren watch it happen.
The regret is immediate, almost as consuming as the guilt.
She's stock still, a hand pressed against her mouth like that will help fight back any vomit that may fight to get out of her. But she hasn't eaten today, so there won't be anything to throw up.
I swipe my arm into the table, knocking it over and sending my laptop crashing to the floor where it busts, shattering like Soren’s entire world just did.
It does nothing to assuage the anger, but I need to reign it in. I need to stay composed for her. I drop down to my knees before Soren, who still sits in the chair, staring at the spot the computer was a moment before. She didn't even flinch at my outburst, andshe doesn't move when I reach for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Ren,” I swallow past the dry feeling like gravel in my throat. “I'm sorry, baby. I-I’m sorry I made you watch that."
She's quiet and still, pale as a ghost.
"I know that I just ruined the idea of the man you loved." The words feel like a knife between my ribs, but I know they're true. She loved someone before me. She may never love me, and who could blame her? "But you needed to know that you weren't married to the man of your dreams. You were sleeping next to a monster."
She just shakes her head a little, looking dazed. She opens her mouth, but her voice cracks before anything comes out, choking on whatever argument she was going to make.
Soren coughs, but it sets off a larger problem, making her cough harder until she's gasping, struggling to take a breath. I brace my hands on her shoulders, forcing her to stay still as she tries to stand, pushing against the arm rest.
"Breathe, Ren."
"I- c-can’t- ”
"Yes, you can. Focus."
She shakes her head and tries to push me away, but I force her back down. No chance am I letting her get up when she looks like she's going to pass out.
There are tears in her eyes, but when she looks at me, they don't brim over. Instead, she nods, taking a breath in through her nose as I nod.
"Good. Do it again."
She does it as immediately as I suggest it, and I weave her hair between my fingers, soothing little circles against her scalp as I pull her against me.
"Breathe with me." I tell her, taking a deep breath that she copies without further instruction.
She lets it go too soon, so I take a deeper one. This time when she mimics me she doesn't let it go ‘til I do.
We stay like that, matching breaths, holding tight to each other like we can keep one another afloat. We're both drowning, both fighting to right the wreckage of our lives. And I think we can do it with each other.
Because when I hold her, all that pain is gone.
ten
Soren
IthoughtIknewwhat it was like to feel empty. I thought after losing the life I so desperately wanted that nothing would ever feel more hollow. But right now, I feel less than a shell. I'm a ghost, breathing out of habit because I forgot that I died somewhere along the way.
The last of who I thought I was is shattered like Declan's laptop at my feet in chunks. I was a girl when I fell in love with Vin. He was kind and funny and he treated me like I was mature, unlike my grandmother who coddled me in my mother's death. When my classmates looked at me like a dying animal, he understood.
We met on the internet before my grandmother understood the dangers of such a thing and then arranged to meet for a movie a few months later. I'd considered that he could be a creepy old man just using fake photos from someone else, but when we met in person, I was so relieved. He was exactly who he'd claimed to be. Handsome, tall, real.
He was older, but not so old that he was creepy, and he was a good friend. He let me talk, he paid for things because he was the only one of us with a job, and he made me feel seen.
