Page 10 of Down Memory Lane
Felix stood immediately, the rush of blood to his head blacking out his vision momentarily. Travis grabbed his elbow and helped him into the private room where he was certain he was going to get bad news, the pale blue walls offering less comfort than he’d thought they would. Felix’s mom stood on one side and Travis on the other, two sentinels ready to attack anything that threatened to harm him, but that harm had already been done. His father leaned over and stuffed the trail mix into his hand as the doctor started speaking.
Felix wasn’t going to eat it, but he was grateful to have something to crush in his hand as he listened to the doctor explain Autumn’s condition. Words like cerebral edema, corticosteroids, and shunting were completely foreign to him, but among the medical jargon that spewed from the doctor’s mouth was one that Felix had heard before.Amnesia.It was one of those things that seemed possible only in television shows as a way to retcon a storyline that was poorly received by the audience, but this wasn’t TV, and Felix wasn’t an actor.
Felix pushed down the lump of panic that had steadily been rising in his throat from the moment he answered the call from the hospital. Grabbing his mom’s hand for support, he looked at the doctor. The wordsGive it to me straight, doc,nearly burst from his mouth, but again, not an actor. “So, she has amnesia. What exactly does that mean?”
The woman who looked barely older than him smiled and pushed up her thick rimmed glasses. “Unfortunately, there is still so much we don’t know about the brain. There are many types of amnesia, but the two we’re looking into with Autumn are retrograde amnesia and traumatic amnesia. The accident wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but Autumn’s brain did take the brunt of the hit.” She looked down at the file she had been holding and shuffled a few papers, but Felix knew she wouldn’t find the answers he was looking for in there. He needed to see Autumn for himself before he could even start to feel even the slightest bit better.
“So, which one does she have? And how long will it last?” Felix felt bile rising in his throat at the thought of Autumn having to go through this and a wave of guilt crashed against him for not being there with her, then another at not knowing how long it would take her to recover.
“Honestly, it’s basically both. Her brain did go through quite a bit of trauma, not just with the accident but with the surgery after. Both retrograde amnesia and traumatic brain amnesia are caused when the brain takes damage, the real question is how long it’s going to last. When asked for basic information, Autumn knew her first name and the month she was born in, but she couldn’t tell me the current year, her exact age, or where she lived.”
If Autumn didn’t knowwhereshe lived, did that mean she didn’t knowwhoshe lived with? The thought that she might have forgotten him made Felix sad, angry, and sick to his stomach. He looked over at the doctor helplessly, wishing she could reassure him while knowing that was impossible.
As if reading his mind, she smiled sadly and gestured to the door. “The full extent of her memory loss will become more apparent with time. The brain swelling has subsided and her other injuries required only minimal treatment, so at this point we’ll keep her here for a few days under observation while we wait and see if her condition improves.”
With heavy feet, Felix followed the doctor down the hall. His family stayed behind to not overwhelm Autumn, especially given her injury, but as he glimpsed his best friend’s name written on a whiteboard just outside of her room, he wished they were still with him. Felix had the feeling he would be needing their strength. Before stepping inside the room, he took a deep breath and pulled his shoulders back, wanting to at least appear strong for his friend even though he was feeling quite the opposite.
Watery eyes obscured his view as he opened the door, but even through the tears that swam in front of him, Felix could see the bruises on Autumn’s body, the scrapes along her left arm, and the gauze wrapped around her head, but despite her ashen skin and the weariness about her, she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever set eyes on. Felix sent up a silent prayer of thanks that she was alive and would get down on his knees and repeat that every day for the rest of his life if it meant she stayed that way.
“Autumn,” the doctor said. Felix watched as her eyes moved from the IV bag a nurse was checking over to the doctor. “We’ve got someone here to see you.”
Felix held his breath as her eyes traveled over to him, hope filling his chest that she would not only recognize him, but remember him, remember their friendship, and remember the love they were going to take to a whole new level, but it was not to be. When Autumn’s stormy eyes met his, there was no light of recognition, no speck of awareness or understanding of who he was and why he was there.
The longer Autumn stared at him like that, the more Felix’s heart shattered. Pain gripped his chest as the pieces fell, the beeping of her heart monitor the only noise in the room. It was the soundtrack of his pain, something he would remember for the rest of his life as was the look on her face, devoid of anything other than confusion.
Felix hadn’t known it was possible for his heart to break twice in such quick succession, but it happened again as she uttered three words. “Who are you?”
Chapter Six
Autumn
Autumn stared at the man who’d just walked in the door as she willed herself to remember who he was, hoping that by taking in everything about him, she could spark some memory that was buried in a place she seemed unable to reach. Earlier, she’d listened to the doctor ask her absurdly easy questions that should have rolled off her tongue without hesitation. Instead, her mind seemed like a canvas, not blank, but smeared and spattered in paint colors she couldn’t name or recognize. The experience had been terrifying, so much so that she wasn’t sure she’d even begun to process the feeling.
At least Autumn knew her name, but that was about the only thing about herself shecouldrecall. When she had successfully conjured up the information, it had been an almost automatic response, but at the same time there had been no memories attached to the name, no picture in her head of going to school and writing it down on a test or seeing it on a birthday card from when she was younger. Everything in her mind existed in a fog of bewilderment.
It was scary and disorienting. To stay grounded, Autumn clung to the steady beeping of her heart monitor like a rope from a ship as she was tossed among the turbulent waves of confusion that threatened to drown her. If her heart was beeping, at least that meant she was alive. That was something to be grateful for, even if that life was one she seemed to know nothing about.
