Page 13 of Down Memory Lane
Felix shuffled awkwardly toward the door. “Sleep well, Auts.”
The door quietly clicked shut as the first tear fell. It was the one that broke the dam, and soon a cascade of moisture was flooding from her eyes. Autumn tried her hardest not to make a sound, not wanting to alert the kind man who’d made her feel safe despite the circumstances to her distress, but Felix couldn’t protect her from her own mind.
She sobbed and sobbed into her pillow, wanting to be patient with herself but so furious over not being able to remember a single thing. Autumn grabbed at the gray, furry throw pillow and crushed it against her chest as she squeezed her eyes shut. If only she could close out the horrible reality that she had awoken in, then maybe she would actually be able to get some sleep.
After her gut-wrenching sobs slowed to only the occasional wet hiccup, Autumn blinked her eyes open to see a stuffed blue bunny half-buried under the mountain of pillows on her bed. Grabbing it, she brushed her fingers over the mostly matted fur and the ear that looked half-chewed off before pulling at a string on the cheek that made it look like it was winking at her. Chuckling lightly, she pressed the well-loved stuffy against her cheek and breathed it in. The bunny smelled like baby powder and dust, but to Autumn, it smelled like a dream come true.
“Hey there,” she whispered to the animal.
No name came to mind when she looked at the ragged bunny, but some random images floated through her brain. Some were clearer than others, but all of them featured her and the bunny she held in some form or another. The pictures never really landed, but stayed untethered in her mind. There was still a feeling of uncertainty about her, but one thing felt sure. This bunny had seen her through times in her life, both good and bad, and as Autumn held the unnamed stuffy in her arms, she felt a little less alone.
Chapter Seven
Felix
Felix stood rooted to the spot just outside Autumn’s room as he listened to her sob quietly. It felt like he was being torn in two pieces. Part of him wanted to charge back in there, gather her in his arms, and assure her that everything would be okay, but the other part of him wanted to run as far away from the apartment as he could. Comforting his best friend whenever she was down was something he did as automatically as breathing, but she had no idea who he really was anymore.
Felix’s heart broke a little more each time he thought about it, something he’d managed to do just about every second since he walked into that hospital room. Every memory she had of him, of their friendship, had been wiped from her mind as easily as he mopped up spills from the bar top. It was so unfair, and as horribly selfish as it felt to be thinking of himself at a time like this, Felix couldn’t help it. What if she never got those memories back? Just when they were going to take things to the next level, they were back at square one.
When the two parts of himself that had been warring with each other finally calmed down, Felix brushed his hand lightly against the wood of her door before stepping quietly over toward the kitchen. If he couldn’t comfort her with words or with the strength of his arms as they cradled her, Felix could at least make sure she had a decent meal when she decided she was ready to face the world outside her bedroom again.
Autumn had been so brave at the hospital, allowing him to distract her with card games, books, and television, but it seemed that the reality of coming home and not recognizing a thing hit her hard. Felix couldn’t imagine what it would be like to wake up in a strange place surrounded by unfamiliar people and not know a damn thing about what was happening. The one bright side seemed to be that she didn’t remember her accident. The fact that Autumn had walked away with no bodily injuries other than a few bruises and scratched skin was a miracle, though the trade-off of losing everything she knew was a price he wished she’d never had to pay.
Felix berated himself for the millionth time since he’d gotten the phone call. He should have insisted he go with her, drive her in his car that was far better equipped for the trip and for an accident. If he’d done that, she might not even be in this mess and the two of them would be planning a date night instead of playing theget to know yougame all over again. Then there was the issue of how much to tell her?
Felix had pulled the doctor aside at one point and asked that very question, only to be told to answer Autumn’s questions about her life as honestly as possible without overwhelming her with too much information too quickly. Her brain was still healing, and inundating her with everything might make things worse before they got better. It was a tight rope Felix wasn’t so sure he could walk successfully, but he would have to try his hardest.
Wandering into the kitchen, Felix opened the pantry and searched for anything he could find to put together a meal. They had plenty of ingredients, but he wanted something that would make her feel comforted as well as possibly trigger some memories for her. Pushing aside his various bottles of hot sauce, Felix nearly yelped with glee when he spotted the blue box of stovetop macaroni and cheese.
No one in existence hadn’t had this dish as a kid, and it happened to be something Autumn enjoyed well into adulthood as well, Felix often finding her on the couch with a big bowl of the yellow-orange pasta on her lap as she read or watched television. Grinning at the little cartoon macaroni noodle on the front, Felix went about gathering the rest of the ingredients to make the dish and the rest of the meal complete.
As he chopped romaine and shaved carrots for a side salad, Felix brightened at the prospect of this simple dish helping Autumn gain a little of herself back. He wasn’t so naïve to think that one bowl of macaroni and cheese would bring all her memories rushing toward the surface, but wouldn’t it be great if it did? Felix had always been optimistic, probably to a fault. Even if this didn’t work like he hoped it would, he would try something else, anything else that might help bring his Autumn back to him so that they could start the future they’d been intent on creating.
Felix had already wanted to try a romantic relationship, and almost losing her in the accident not only solidified that, but made him want to accelerate his plans. The moment he thought he’d lost Autumn, Felix knew that what he felt for her was the real deal, the kind of once in a lifetime love that makes you buy a ring, get down on one knee, and propose. The sooner they got her memories back, the sooner he could make that happen.
By the time Autumn ventured out of her room, the living area was dim from all of the clouds that had rolled in and blocked out the sun, the only light provided by the overheads in the kitchen. The air smelled of butter and powdered cheese, and he desperately hoped that sense memory was real and would help get his best friend back what she’d lost. Whatthey’dlost.
