Page 14 of Down Memory Lane
When Autumn peeked out of the door to her room, her pink hair slightly mussed and her eyes still red-rimmed, Felix’s breath caught at the sight of her. She was still the same woman he’d loved as both a friend and as a potential lover, but the meekness and naked vulnerability evident in her body language were entirely new.
Seeing her cry and comforting her when she was upset were things he had done before, but even during those times of crisis, she retained a gentle strength that was just part of who she was. In the past, it had always seemed like he wasn’t the one making her feel better, but was more of an accessory to her own journey toward centering herself. Now, how could Autumn possibly get back to center on her own when she didn’t even know where that was?
Not wanting to upset her with another sad puppy look, Felix smiled and waved her over to the kitchen. Autumn’s mouth ticked up slightly as she hesitantly stepped toward him, her thick, striped socks padding softly against the light hardwood floor as she fidgeted with the hem of her sweater.
“Um, hello.” Her voice shook slightly, the uncertainty in her voice and the respectable distance she kept between them as she stopped at the table was another of what felt like thousands of tiny cuts to his spirit over the last five days.
The foot and a half of space may as well have been a canyon, for the look in her eyes was as distant as it had been just after her accident. Felix reminded himself that he was still a stranger and that he was lucky she let him stay at the hospital with her, something she could have easily and understandably denied him. The fear of being completely alone had been written all over her face when she’d agreed to that, and even though it wasn’t the reasoning he would have liked for her wanting his company, Felix had jumped at the chance. It had been easy to ignore in their little hospital bubble, but now that they were at home, the evidence that she didn’t feel completely comfortable around him as she once had was evident.
“Hi,” he choked out.
Glancing away so she couldn’t see the pain written on his face, Felix grabbed a plate for her, willing his heart to stop splintering at every moment. It would only make her feel bad and that was not his intention, the furthest thing from it. For someone as open with his emotions as he was, it was going to prove incredibly difficult for Felix to hide away his feelings, but he would try his best for her.
Pulling himself together, he pasted on another false smile. “I made one of your favorites,” he explained. Plopping a heaping spoonful of macaroni onto her plate, he passed it to her before nodding at the salad and water glasses on the already set dining table. “If you want something other than water, I’m afraid all we have is milk and apple juice.” They also always had plenty of his cider on hand, but she was under strict orders to not imbibe alcohol, and Felix planned on following her discharge orders to the letter.
Autumn returned the smile he’d flashed her, but like his, it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m good with water. Thanks, Felix.”
She shuffled over to the table and sat down in the chair facing the window. It was the one she usually sat in, and watching her do something that was fairly typical helped settle the tornado of grief and sadness that had been swirling inside him for the last six days. After plating up a bit of salad for herself, she stared at the bottle of vinaigrette for a moment before shrugging and putting it on her plate.
“Sorry we don’t have avocado,” he remarked as he took his own seat. “My mom went to the store to get us a few staples so we didn’t have to worry about it first thing when we got home, but I forgot that we were out of them.” He shrugged and dumped some vinaigrette onto his own leafy greens. “We can go shopping tomorrow if you want.”
Autumn speared a forkful of romaine and pushed it into her mouth. “That’s okay,” she mumbled around the bite. Chewing thoughtfully, she bobbed a shoulder and stabbed at the salad again. “This tastes pretty good.”
Felix’s fork paused halfway to his mouth. “Really?” Autumn nodded and continued to enjoy her salad. “Cool.”
He stuffed his mouth to prevent himself from saying something about how she never liked it before, never liked any dressing really, and had always commented on how vinaigrette tasted like paint varnish. Felix was pretty certain she only enjoyed the cider he produced out of support for him because she’d never been one for strong flavors.
Autumn assessed him, her blue eyes studying his face before she blinked and turned to the window. “Looks like it might rain.”
“Yup,” Felix replied automatically.
It could have been sunny and eighty degrees outside and he would have said the same thing. The conversation was so stilted, and he couldn’t remember the last time they talked about the weather unless it was in regards to how it would impact the plans they were making. He looked at her untouched macaroni and tapped her plate with his fork.
“Eat it while it’s warm. You hate cold macaroni.”
Autumn nodded and dug into the pasta. Felix did the same, stopping momentarily when he saw Autumn frowning as she chewed. She looked over at him, her eyes wary as she put down her fork. “Thank you for making dinner. It was really sweet of you.”
Felix could tell there was more to that sentence, but she remained quiet. “But...?” He prompted. Autumn rolled her lips inward. Her hesitation at speaking her mind around him was also new, and something he instantly disliked. Her memories were missing, but parts of her that he recognized had seemed to disappear along with them.
With a polite smile on her face, Autumn finally spoke. “It’s kind of bland. Do you have anything I could add to it to maybe punch it up a little?” Before he could answer, she pushed back her chair and moved over to the pantry where she rummaged around until she emerged with his bottle of Screaming Dragon Hot Sauce. “Can I try this?”
Felix nodded dumbly and watched as she returned to the table and dumped a shitload of the green sauce all over her pasta. “It’s pretty spicy,” he warned. Screaming Dragon was his favorite, but it would destroy the palate of anyone who wasn’t used to spice, a category Autumn definitely fell into.
Autumn smiled and scooped up a bite, shoving it into her mouth. Felix waited for the inevitable tears to well in her eyes, for her to start fanning her tongue, or for her to scream for milk or any other dairy to numb the pain, but none of those happened.
Instead, she smiled and took another hearty bite. “Thanks. This is so much better.”
Felix took the bottle from the table and looked at it. Not expired. Twisting off the cap, he poured a generous amount onto his own plate and took a large bite. The sting that always came from the sauce that was high enough on the Scoville scale to scare off even the most ardent spicy food aficionado was there, as was the heat that lingered long after he’d swallowed his bite.
Autumn continued to enjoy her heat laden macaroni with a genuine smile on her face. “Wow. I guess you like spicy food now.” Felix scooped another forkful, only to pause again when he was met with silence.
Apparently, that had been the wrong thing to say, and to some extent he knew it the moment the words left his mouth. Autumn took a large gulp of water and stared at him, her eyes uncertain and a little glassy. “Did I not before?”
Felix smiled sadly and shook his head. “Not really, but it has been a while since you tried it, so maybe you would have liked it before anyway.” Felix seriously doubted the validity of his statement, but when she looked so sad, he couldn’t just sit there and say nothing.
“Maybe,” she said quietly. Her blue eyes met his. They were still the same stormy blue they always were, but the look behind them was more contemplative than he’d seen from her in a long time. “I wonder what else I like now.”
Felix gulped. “Yeah, I wonder.”
