Page 17 of Down Memory Lane
All that managed to happen was that Autumn’s hands went numb and she nearly dropped the carton on the counter, but luckily Felix was there to help her out. “I’ve got this.”
His words stirred the air between them and as she looked up at him, suddenly the few inches that separated them were too much. Her eyes flicked to his lips, and she felt the sudden urge to trace the edges of them with her finger, then her tongue before nibbling at them with her teeth. Autumn licked her own in response to the rampant desire that was suddenly burning through her, but before she could do anything about it, Felix swiftly stepped back.
Glancing around in a panic, he suddenly shoved all of the ingredients toward her. “Brownie sundaes,” he blurted.
Trying to blink away the confusion at her emotions and his random announcement, Autumn shook her head and looked over at him. “Brownie sundaes?”
Felix nodded quickly before snatching a box of brownie mix and holding it up in front of his chest almost protectively. “Yup. Whenever either of us has a bad day, a bad breakup, or just needs a little pick me up, we have brownie sundaes.” He grabbed a couple of bowls that looked like the stoneware he’d shown her from her website and started to pile ingredients into them, looking at her with a wry smile. “I figured if there was ever a time for some emotional eating, it was now.”
“Fair,” she remarked. Joining him at the counter, Autumn stared at the ingredients. Not wanting to make another misstep like she had with dinner, she gazed up at Felix hopefully. “Do you want to put one together for me? I don’t really remember how I used to do it.”
Felix’s brow furrowed for a moment before his eyes brightened. The swirl of blue and green was mesmerizing, and Autumn idly wondered how anyone was ever able to look into those mesmerizing, lake water eyes and walk away not half in love with him based on them alone. “Well, that’s the thing, Auts. After I left, I took some time and with a few words of wisdom from a friend, I realized that instead of trying to get back to what we were or who you were, maybe we could just start fresh. Figure things out as we go along.”
Autumn nodded as she processed his words. It seemed counterintuitive to getting her memories back, by just forgetting about the past altogether, but if this new, lighter, bouncier Felix was the result of that, she was all for trying. “I think I can swing that, or at least attempt to anyway.”
“Well, that’s all any of us can do.” Chuckling he pulled out the last ingredients and tossed the canvas bag aside. “And in that vein, I present to you every ice cream sundae topping Beecham’s Market had on hand at closing time on a Friday evening. We’ve got hot fudge, whipped cream, and maraschino cherries.” Felix went on and on, presenting each item to her as if he were a game show host. His smile widened with each new ingredient until it was nearly splitting his face in two. “And finally, my favorite sundae topping. Butterscotch.”
Autumn sputtered a laugh as she looked at the golden syrup. “Butterscotch? That’s funny.” Her eyes raked up and down his lanky form, taking in the firm and distinct muscles of his biceps, his sinewy forearms, and strong shoulders. “You certainly don’t look like an eighty-year-old man.”
Felix continued to light up the kitchen with his megawatt smile. “Glad you noticed,” he said, winking at her. “My octogenarian preferences aside, I thought it could be fun to try a little of everything and see what you like tonight. Maybe it will be your old favorites or maybe it will be something new. Hell, it might even change from day to day.” He stepped closer to her and tucked a strand of her pink hair behind her ear, his finger skimming her cheek and sending another fissure of pleasure through her body. “We can hope that your memories come back, and while we do, we can have a good time making new memories together.”
Autumn’s throat caught at his words, the desire to make a whole batch of new memories, specifically in her bedroom, pressing her forward, but she managed to stop herself. Felix was herfriendand even though she was feeling things that were more romantic than platonic toward him in that moment, she didn’t want to disrupt the lightness that existed between them by making a misstep.
“I like that.”
“Good,” Felix said, nodding curtly. “Now, let’s get started or we’ll be up ‘til midnight.”
Autumn nodded, though the prospect of being up late with Felix wasn’t a horrible one. In fact, as the evening wore on, she was finding herself hoping for as much time with him as she could possibly get.
****
Much to Autumn’s dismay, more time with Felix didn’t happen after their night of dessert debauchery. They stayed up later making sundaes, with her settling on brownies, ice cream, walnuts, and hot fudge. The mix of salty and sweet had been delicious, and in the spirit of making new memories, Felix copied her sundae. After the first few bites he did end up adding a generous helping of butterscotch, even allowing her to tease him about his old man tendencies as he dug into his improved sundae with gusto. He’d taken the ribbing in stride, even joking along with her that at least enjoying butterscotch syrup into old age wouldn’t require that he keep all his original teeth. Felix’s ability to laugh at himself and joke pushed away the storm cloud that had hung over her earlier that evening.
Unfortunately, the grey clouds were back as Autumn sat on the couch of their apartment, staring at the chairs across from her where her parents sat. They’d arrived late the evening prior, and insisted on coming over first thing that morning. Autumn had looked forward to their coming when she was in the hospital, hoping that the presence of her lifelong caregivers would put her at ease, but it was having the opposite effect.
Mom and Dad, or Regina and Joe, stared at her much like Felix had those first few days. As if boring their eyes into hers could excavate the memories from whatever dark mine they’d fallen into. The longer they sat and stared, the more apprehensive she felt, like she was a science experiment gone wrong. Sliding her hand over the couch cushion, Autumn felt an immediate sense of relief when Felix grabbed onto it, squeezing tightly. Her dad’s eyes flicked to hers and Felix’s joined hands and his mouth twitched in the corners.
Their arrival had been a little odd. The bottle blonde hair of her mother looked more familiar than any of her facial features, and Autumn had no recollection of her father ever having had a mustache, but that wasn’t a surprise. What was surprising was that when they embraced her, she felt comforted, but not nearly as much as she had when she hugged Felix.
Autumn had assumed that the moment she saw her parents, a rush of images of growing up with the pair would invade her brain, but like everything else that seemed familiar to her, it swam just out of reach. They resembled the parents she’d pictured at the hospital, but that had been so vague that the people sitting in front of her now could have been hired actors for all she knew. Still, there was at least something about her mom smelling like bread flour and her father like leather-bound books that at least stirred feelings of friendliness toward the older couple.
“So,” her mom said, breaking the weighted silence. “Your father and I were talking and we thought it would be best to take you back home with us.”
Autumn panicked and held Felix’s hand tighter. She wasn’t sure why she felt tethered to him as much as she did, but the thought of leaving him filled her with dread and despair. Those emotions had already been experienced in abundance these last few days and Autumn wasn’t keen on feeling them again.
“Does that really make sense?” She glanced at Felix, letting his reassuring smile bolster her confidence. “I mean, my doctors are here, and I’ve lived here almost my whole life. It seems like if anything is going to bring back my memories it’s staying where everything is familiar.”
A sad smile came over her mother’s face. “Is it really all that familiar if you don’t remember it though?” Autumn could see her mom’s point, but that didn’t make it hurt any less that she’d said it out loud.
Rubbing at her suddenly achy chest, Autumn looked away from her parents. “It’s not my fault I don’t remember anything,” she whispered.
Felix pulled her into his side and rubbed his hand up and down her arm. Leaning against him felt nice, his sturdy body lending Autumn the strength she just didn’t have at the moment.
The expression on her mom’s face was a combination of guilt and hurt. “I know it’s not your fault, sweetie.” She came and sat next to Autumn, and patted her leg. “And I wasn’t trying to imply that it was, but maybe since none of this is known to you anyway, you could come home. We have all your baby pictures, school photos, and some of your toys from when you were younger. Maybe looking at all of that would bring something back to you.”
Autumn nodded. The idea had merit, but for some reason she just couldn’t get on board with it. “This feels like home.” Felix relaxed against her, his breath rushing out in an audible whoosh. She had the feeling he didn’t want her to leave either, though she also knew he wouldn’t stop her if she really wanted to go.
“Okay then,” her dad said, slapping his knees. “Your mom and I can get a rental in town until you’re either feeling better or ready to come home with us.”
