Page 9 of Down Memory Lane
Felix nodded dumbly before remembering that the person was not directly in front of him and he needed to actually use his words. “Yes, this is he.” A short silence followed, but the few seconds where no words were uttered spoke volumes. Something wasn’t right.
“Mr. Kemp, this is Nurse Pendergast at UW Medical Center. We have an Autumn Banaszynski here and you are listed as her emergency contact.” Felix continued to nod at no one in particular, his mind snagging on Autumn’s last name. All through school people would mispronounce it. Autumn hated that people couldn’t ever get her name right, and the nurse on the line had done the same, giving the a’s the long vowel sound they shouldn’t have.
“It’s Banaszynski.” Felix made sure to say it correctly, even as his throat got tight and his lungs seemed at half capacity. Something had happened, and it wasn’t good. A hospital wouldn’t be calling him to say that Autumn popped by for some mediocre cafeteria food and dropped her phone. “Where’s Autumn?”
Felix listened to the nurse as she explained that Autumn had been in a car accident and that she was then airlifted to the hospital where she was now in surgery. The nurse couldn’t go into more details, only advised that he get to the hospital as soon as possible. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll be there.” Felix ended the call, a drop of water falling on the screen that he didn’t realize was one of the many tears on his face until Lottie was handing him a tissue.
Felix wiped at his eyes and nose that had also started to leak, trying not to see Lottie’s brow that was knitted together or face that was drawn as she looked at him. Seeing her looking so serious made everything he’d heard even more real when he wished it was nothing more than a horrible prank.
“What happened, Felix?”
Felix stared down at the phone that was still clutched in his hands, hoping it could explain everything to Lottie so that he didn’t have to put into words the terrible thing that had occurred, or that it would melt from his hand and he would realize this was all just a bad dream. Neither of those things happened. This was reality, and he had to face it, whether he liked it or not.
Felix gulped and pulled Lottie toward the back. “Um, Autumn was in an accident.” Lottie gasped as she had earlier, but this time the shock wasn’t coming from a happy place. “I need to go to the hospital.” Felix patted his pockets before pulling out his keys, the trembling of his hands causing them to jingle.
Lottie stilled his hands with hers. “Let someone else drive you,” she commanded. Pulling out her own phone, she smiled sadly at Felix. “Who do you want me to call?”
Felix mentally flipped through his family calendar to try and remember who was available before uttering the name of the one person he knew he needed there and would be regardless of her schedule. “Can you call my mom?”
Lottie nodded and made the call. Any of Felix’s brothers or even his dad would have been an equally wise choice. All were more than capable of lending him their emotional strength and were the most supportive men you could ever come across, but right then he needed his mom.
Felix had never felt as helpless and childlike as he did in that moment, not knowing exactly what to do or how to process the complexity of emotions that had already started to run through his mind and body. Times like that called for Mom.
Lottie hung up the call and gripped Felix’s shoulder, steering him to sit on a stool before pouring him a glass of water. Water, food, and even breathing were things that he couldn’t be bothered with at the moment, but he forced himself to drink it anyway. He was of no use to Autumn if he was falling over from dehydration, and helping her in whatever way she would need it was his number one priority.
****
The drive into Seattlehad been a long and torturous one. Luckily, Felix had plenty of people to lean on whenever he felt like he might dissolve into a puddle of tears or rage against the unfairness and cruelty life could show a person. Not only was someone he loved in pain, but Felix wasn’t even sure what the extent of her injuries were. Surgery equaled serious, but even knowing that, he tried to remain as hopeful as possible. Keeping your fingers crossed foronlya few broken bones was a strange phenomenon, but it’s what he was doing as he sat behind his mother as his father drove the family Suburban to the hospital.
It had been a long time since he’d been in the big car, but something about being in the space he’d gone on many a family road trip in was comforting. Just like in the past, his dad was at the wheel while his mom was in the passenger seat, only instead of conducting a game of “I spy” for her kids, she was sniffling as she texted with Autumn’s mom in Phoenix. Felix was grateful that his mom was keeping Autumn’s parents in the loop because he was so worried he doubted he could even type. They too were waiting to hear about the extent of Autumn’s injuries. They’d called the hospital but gotten about as much information as Felix. He hoped they’d all have more answers soon.
As the large building where Autumn was located came into view, Felix was almost disappointed that it looked as mundane as it did. Shouldn’t significant life events at least warrant something more than a tan brick building dotted with run-of-the-mill windows? At least there were plenty of trees, though the sight of them made Felix slightly nauseous as the memory of what they’d passed on their way threatened to resurface. The last trees he’d seen were the evergreens that surrounded the sight of Autumn’s accident. The moose had been torn to shreds, but it was the sight of the broken glass and red paint all over the road that had caused Felix to throw up in an old take out bag.
Thinking about Autumn’s accident again sent a shiver through him, but the feel of his brother’s large hand on his back helped. Peeking over at Travis, Felix nodded his gratitude as they pulled into the parking garage. Felix had never been to this hospital before and he hoped to God he wouldn’t have to stay there for long. There was a smaller one two towns over in Redbrook, but that was basically a glorified doctor’s office. As convenient as it would have been to have Autumn closer, Felix was glad she was somewhere that was far better equipped. With any luck, he would get to take her home that day, though the closer they got to the emergency entrance, the less hopeful he became.
As they stepped through the automatic doors, the strong smell of antiseptic hit his nose as bright lights were reflected into his eyes from the fluorescents hitting the white walls and white linoleum. Felix knew that there was a reason that hospitals looked the way they did. Cleanliness and efficiency were both qualities anyone would want in their care facility, but at that moment, Felix would have welcomed a soothing blue accent wall or plush carpet to make it feel less like he was stepping into a medical drama where life or death was constantly hanging in the balance.
Ignoring the nausea resurfacing again, Felix allowed his mother to drag him along as she approached the nurse’s station and got all the information necessary to find Autumn’s room. Time moved both too quickly and too slowly as they wound their way through the hospital maze. He wanted to be with Autumn as soon as possible while also wishing to put off finding out just how bad things had gone.
Felix lost track of the number of turns they’d taken, his body feeling everything and nothing all at once. The air stirring as he walked raised the hair on his arms and the constant chiming followed by hospital staff calls rang in his ears, but Felix was numb to it all. It wasn’t until they finally found a nurse that knew where Autumn was that he felt like he was able to breathe properly.
After sucking in a lungful of air that burned in his chest, Felix approached the counter. He tried to smile at the woman, but he was sure that with his puffy eyes and red face, he looked more deranged than anything else. “Can we go see her?”
The nurse’s expression was somber as she looked at him. “I think it’s best to let the doctor explain everything to you.” She grabbed a clipboard from a box on the wall and handed it to him. “In the meantime, if you could fill out this paperwork that would be extremely helpful.”
Felix ignored the clipboard, the numbness he’d felt moments ago dissolving into righteous indignation over not getting to see Autumn immediately. “Why can’t we see her yet?” He demanded. His father took the paperwork, passed it to Felix, and started steering him toward a seating area. “Why can’t we see her, Dad?”
Felix’s breath left his body once again and it felt like someone ripped his heart right out of his chest. No air, no heart. His torso was an empty cavity that could only be filled once more at the sight of the woman he loved more than anything. Didn’t anyone understand that? Didn’t they know that he needed to be there for his best friend? She was probably scared out of her mind, and Felix needed to be the one to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Why weren’t they letting him do that?
“Take it easy, son. We’ll find out soon enough.” He pressed Felix into a chair, handed him the clipboard, and patted his shoulder. “Travis, I think I saw a vending machine down the hall. Let’s go get something for your brother to snack on.” Travis clasped Felix’s shoulder and squeezed before following their dad.
Felix peered down at the paperwork, staring at the words on the page. He wasn’t sure whether he would be able to decipher a single one before they disappeared completely. When he looked up, his mom was smiling sadly. “I’ve got this, Sweetie. You just try to take some deep breaths.”
Nodding dumbly, the only thing he seemed to be able to do that day, Felix peered around the seating room. Other people sat with their hands clasped between their knees, looking worried and sick to their stomachs as they waited for news just as he did. He watched as an older man spun his wedding ring idly, looking like his world had just fallen apart. Felix wondered what they saw when they looked at him. He felt broken, like those vases in the documentary Autumn had made him watch, but there was no amount of gold or other precious metal on the planet that would be able to put him back together. The only thing that could make him feel whole again was her.
Travis and his father returned a few moments later, passing Felix a bag of trail mix that he just put on the seat next to him. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate, but food was the furthest thing from his mind. The four of them sat silently as they waited, with the scratching of his mom’s pen on paper and the dialogue from some romantic comedy that played on a television on the wall as the only sounds.
It seemed perverse to show a movie about people falling in love through happenstance in the same room where people sat anxiously for their loved ones, but Felix couldn’t fault the hospital for doing it. At least something was ending happily in this place. He continued to stare into space for a while before glancing outside, watching as the light faded into dark when the sun disappeared below the horizon. His parents had started making calls to the hotel across the street to try and get a room when finally, a woman in a lab coat came out and called for the family of Autumn Banaszynski.
