Page 91 of The Devil You Know
“I’d never met another woman who made me want to know my fate before,” he says softly. “I just wish… it could have been different.”
All the times he started to say to me “I wish…” then couldn’t complete the sentence, that was what he meant. He didn’t regret his life. He just wished that he wasn’t doomed. That Huntington’s wouldn’t inevitably claim his mind and body.
I hate that this happened to him, but I’m not sorry that I ended up with Ben. If Ryan were cured right this minute, I wouldn’t leave Ben for him. Ben is my husband. He’s my soulmate. He and Leah are my everything.
I can’t help but wonder though. If Ryan’s test had been negative, if he had gotten to me while my relationship with Ben was still brand new, if he had gotten down on one knee, would I have said yes?
I don’t know. I very well might have.
“What will you do when you start to get sick?” I ask him.
He glances back at his bedroom. “Well, they won’t let me take a gun on the plane, so I’m not sure about thatone.” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out when it happens.”
Or maybe he’ll change his mind about ending it all.
We hear a crash in the other room and Ryan jerks his head back. “Damn it,” he mutters. “What the hell is Nick doing in there?” He sighs. “I’ve got to go check on him. You should probably, you know, go.”
“Okay.” I bite my lip. “Will I ever see you again?”
His blue eyes meet mine. “No,” he says.
_____
I drive home after that. I’ve got another hour before my afternoon clinic, and I don’t want to be alone. I cross my fingers that Ben chose to work from home today. When I see his Prius in the driveway, I feel a flash of relief.
He’s sitting on the couch in a T-shirt and boxers, his laptop on his legs, a jar of peanut butter beside him. It’s so classic Ben that my eyes fill with tears. Jesus, what’s wrong with me? I’m sobbing at the sight of my husband eating peanut butter. This is embarrassing.
Ben looks up and notices me standing there. A surprised smile spreads across his lips. “Jane!” He tosses his computer to the side and stands up. “Hey, what are you doing home?”
I’m still struggling not to cry. “Oh, you know. Had a break in my schedule.”
He wraps his big arms around me and I get lost in the warmth and smell of my husband. I lean my head against his shoulder and he holds me tighter. Ben gives the best hugs ever. It’s one of so many things that I love about him.
“Is everything okay?” he asks me.
The question somehow puts me over the edge. Tears spill over and now I’m crying. Actually crying. He looks startled but he keeps hugging me and kissing me, which just makes me cry more.
“Jane,” he says softly. “What’s wrong? Please tell me.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes the best I can, although most of them are on Ben’s shirt. Plus a lot of my snot. Oh well. That’s the great thing about having a husband. You can get snot all over his shirt and he doesn’t get (too) upset.
“Jane?” he says again. “Why are you crying?”
“It’s happy tears,” I tell him, trying to smile. “I’m happy to see you.”
He raises his eyebrows. He appears skeptical. “I’m happy to see you too. Um, is that all?”
“No,” I say. I take his warm hand in mine. “I think I’m pregnant.”
Ben’s eyes light up. He grabs me again in a hug, and for a moment, I allow myself to feel happy again. Except a second later, something occurs to me. And I get a horrible, sinking feeling in my gut…
Crap! I was supposed to drive Alyssa back to the railroad station.
Oh well.
Epilogue
Ten Months Later
