Page 26 of Hero & Villain
I looked away in disgust. “Lack of hygiene is not a sign of manliness.”
“What is a sign of manliness? I’m not sure manliness is what you think it is. Come on. Eat your sandwich. I apologize for getting my spit on you. You’re right, most women wouldn’t mind my spit.”
I turned and caught his wink before he took another bite. Fury built inside me along with this sense of being completely out of control. I wasn’t ever out of control. “If I wanted your spit, I’d take it.”
And then I grabbed his shirt, yanked him across the seat to me, and kissed him.
The rest of the world disappeared. He was the sun, the moon, music and pain. His arms wrapped around me, holding me too tight as he kissed me back, as desperate as I was. He felt so good. He tasted like mint and chocolate, felt like safety and desperation. I melted against him, goosebumps rushing over my arms and down my spine. I shifted, head against his shoulder as I kissed him, curling up around him and holding on like he was the only thing that kept me from sliding off this world and into dark cold space. I’d had the hero as my screensaver for years. I fell into the fantasy, hook, line and sinker, the hero carrying me away to somewhere no one would ever hurt me again.
For another few seconds, there was nothing but a growing sense of contentment until an image popped into my head of the first time I’d ever put a pair of handcuffs on Clint, the first time I’d ever…
I broke away and slid across the seat until I was pressed against the door. I gripped the handle and stared out at the desert while my thoughts tangled into a mess and my body went through a whole roiling whirl of heat and cold, desire and revulsion that I couldn’t stop or control. Something was seriously wrong with me, and it wasn’t heat stroke.
Dirk cleaned up lunch and put the cooler back into the truck bed without saying anything.
I didn’t look at him. I just clung to the door and stared out the window, willing my heart and body to stop aching and revolting. Dirk probably thought I was insane. Maybe I was. Did I love Clint? Was it loyalty to him that kept me from doing what I wanted with Dirk? How could I be loyal to someone who betrayed me? I wasn’t a fool who let men take advantage of me. When I thought of Clint, I felt horror, shame, anger, but not loyalty. There were a lot of emotions though.
It wasn’t intelligent to try and have a relationship with someone when you were so messed up from the last affair. Iknew that much, but nothing with Clint had been real. Nothing with Dirk was supposed to be real either. What was the difference as far as my body was concerned?
It felt real. I’d kissed him in anger at first, but then I was swept away to completely different emotions that weren’t me at all. I didn’t want comfort and safety, I couldn’t want something like that, couldn’t need it, or I’d be broken the next time I wasn’t careful. I had to save myself. I had to be in control of this situation, to break him and take back my respect.
I clenched my fists and tried to breathe. Iwouldown this. I would get my revenge no matter what it took. I wasn’t going to get lost in him or my own head.
The next two stops, the sky grew darker and the wind blew harder. It looked like night was falling, but it was only four-thirty. The last cliff was the hardest to climb, with longer straight drops and overall forty-feet up to the top.
“I can do this one on my own,” he said, glancing up at the darkening sky. “I need to get up fast before this rain breaks. It’ll ruin the sensors if they get wet.”
I walked around him, rubbing my hands before I started up the rock. I’d had a little practice by now. There were straight drops, but not one long descent. I’d drop and roll and drop and roll a half dozen times until I got to the bottom. I refused to be completely useless on this miserable job. No wonder they’d sent me with him, being the stupidest job a human could possibly do. Still, I did help Dirk move faster, unless I was paralyzed in the middle of a cliff, and I wanted to get this job finished so I could go somewhere to process the kiss, the recoil, the heights, all of it.
The wind buffeted me, whipping my pink hair into my eyes. I ignored it and kept climbing, moving fast until with a pounding heart, I reached the top. I pulled on my gloves even though the air was cold now.
Dirk moved quickly, pulling down the platform and checking the ports without any hesitation. His hands were so strong, but gentle and precise, the hands of a tech geek who knew how to break bones. Maybe it was the contrast that was so attractive to me. Maybe I’d just lost my mind. I didn’t have time to lose my mind.
“This one needs a new breaker. Pinkie, come and hold this piece in place right here while I fuse it together.” He grabbed my hand and placed it inside the unfurled charger. I held the tiny piece of glass coated wires in place while his forehead brushed mine. His tiny tool glowed blue and small pale blue sparks swirled between us. I glanced up at him, studying the way he focused on what he was working on, with so much more intensity than Clint had ever given anything. If he looked at me like that… He glanced up and I stepped back, flustered from what I saw in those eyes. Was it regret, apology, or something else?
The piece was already fused. He closed the device and remounted it, working the wrench while I held the base in place.
“You’re a funny girl,” he said.
“You do seem to laugh a lot at my expense.” Was that bitterness or just defeat?
“Sometimes it seems like you want me, other times like you really do hate me.”
“Is this really the best time for this conversation?” I glanced up at the swirling indigo clouds.
“I’m used to working with hard women who know what they want. You have no idea. I’m not sure what to do with you.”
“You shouldn’t do anything with me.”
“No? I thought you wanted me to speak for you, watch your back, pay for my crimes.”
I frowned and shook my head. He wasn’t working as fast in spite of the rising wind and the spattering of raindrops thatreminded me of his spit, and our kiss. “I don’t know what to do with you. You’re too real.”
“No, I’m just a mirage, like everything in the desert.”
I looked up at his eyes instead of focusing on his hands, and for a moment I wanted to tell him everything, to ask him to protect me and wrap me in his strong arms forever. I gasped and stepped away from him. I was definitely losing my mind. “You can do the rest on your own. I’ll head back now.” I rushed to the cliff edge, less terrified of the height than I was of that utterly insane impulse to put myself at Dirk’s mercy.
Men didn’t have mercy, and he’d said it himself that he wasn’t a hero. Maybe he was a villain and that’s why I was attracted to him. That made sense. Not really. Nothing made sense. The skies opened up and water poured down, drenching me and leaving the rock slick under my fingers.
