Page 38 of Hero & Villain
He patted my head. “Let me guess who taught her.”
I grimaced. “Were you going to teach me or just keep laughing? Apparently, keep laughing. Fine. Not like I have anything else to do. You know, you snort a little when you laugh. It’s very unattractive.”
He snorted loudly, and for a second I smiled, but I did not laugh. Eventually he wiped the tears from his eyes and leaned back to study me. “Do you have a driver’s license?”
“Of course.”
“Is it legal?”
I frowned. “I don’t know. It’s Toni’s, so probably not.”
He laughed again, but not nearly for as long. “That’s a no, Princess. Other people’s IDs aren’t legal when you use them. Why don’t you use your name? I know you aren’t Toni, and Nix is still letting you work for him because he doesn’t care who you are.”
“That’s only part of it. If I use my real name, there’s a possibility that- no, not a possibility. I’ll be tracked down.”
“The abusive lover?”
“And my family.”
He made a noise. “Which is a bigger threat?”
“Family.” I shouldn’t have said that. I chewed my bottom lip before giving him a bright smile. “So, are you ethically compromised and incapable of teaching someone with a fake license how to drive?”
“No. Morally, it’s a balance between legality and the greater good. Having a criminal on the streets is less dangerous if the criminal knows how to drive. This car is a machine of destruction in the hands of someone who knows what they’re doing. In your hands, it’s a bomb waiting to blow. There’s jet fuel in one of the tanks.”
“I could just ride a bike.”
“Bikes are harder to handle, and car drivers don’t see them. You wouldn’t last an hour.”
Oh, he thought I meant motorcycle. Those I knew how to ride very well. It had been a point of honor with Philippe, who thought his motorcycle skills made him a better potential heir. “I meant bicycle. Never mind. Sir Badger, would you do me the honor of instructing this criminal in the ways of legal driving in a way that will make me less of a nuisance to society?”
“Princess Pink, it would be my honor. I mean, if I had honor, it would be my honor, but I’m not a hero so…” He elbowed me and then proceeded to give me a lesson on how to start slow and brake gently.
“All right, let’s take it on the road,” he said after we’d gone around a dozen times without hitting anything.
I shot him a look. “A public road? Is that morally conscionable, Sir Badger?”
“What’s with the Badger and the Sir? I thought I was your hero prince.”
I smirked. “You aren’t my anything. You’re the one who likes rhyming. I dubbed thee Jerk Badger of the Incompetent Ninja League.”
“I’m not yours, but you’re already coming up with pet names for me? Long pet names are a sign of how bad you have it for someone, particularly if they rhyme with their actual names. Face it, Princess, you’re smitten.”
“My knee was smitten, also my face. Like Dirk Dagger was your actual name. I can just see you at Harvard. ‘Mr. Dagger, what did you think about the lecture on colonialization in Western Africa?’ ‘Harold Bingham the fifteenth, why I thought it had a lot of merit if you compare it to the obviously morally unconscionability of similar colonialization in Eastern Asia.’ ‘Why, you’re a genius, young Dirk. You must come to the Pork Pie Festival this Thursday. You can admire my chess set.’”
“Bocce court. Harolding Bingham the Fifteenth was incredibly proud of his Bocce court. You admire my chest set.” He winked at me.
I snorted and almost ran a stop sign. There wasn’t much traffic out in this corner of the desert far from the Strip. “Is that where you pack your lead?”
“I don’t carry.”
“I meant weight. Last night made it very clear that you need more fat and less muscle. Fat is lighter, you know.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. I always think about those unfortunate enough to carry around my unconscious body after they knock me out.”
“Good. That’s the Sir Badger in you.”
“Take a right here. Don’t forget to signal.”
