Page 39 of Hero & Villain
“It’s uncomfortable to let other people know what I’m doing. What if I change my mind, or what if they’re following me? You can’t lose a tail if you signal.”
“You have to lose a lot of tails? I withdraw the question. Left lane. Signal first. Three seconds before you change lanes- you signal. Slow seconds, not fast ones. Signal to get into the left turn lane. You do know your left from your right, don’t you?”
I shot him a hard glare. “Right now, you’re about to get thrown out of a speeding vehicle. There won’t be much left of you. How is that for right and left?”
He patted my head. “We’ll work on it.”
I bit down my smile and took a left turn nice and slow. Unfortunately, the car barreling towards us wasn’t going slow. Dirk stomped on my foot, and our car shot out of the intersection in a cloud of white smoke.
I coughed and glared at him. “I signaled!”
“Yes, you also had right away. The other car was driving recklessly.”
“Oh. So I should also drive recklessly?”
“No, you should drive defensively. Pull into the next driveway on your right.”
I turned and found myself pulling into a restaurant, using the term loosely. Young girls on roller blades were bringing out trays to cars parked around a little island with fake grass and a few bushes. “What is this?”
“Lunch. You’re buying. You owe me for teaching you how to drive.”
I frowned at him. “I guess I’m glad you’re cheap.”
“You can’t afford much. Jezebel went through your clothes and told me your net worth.” He whistled and shook his head.
“I’m going to shoot you.” I took the hair band out of my pocket and shot the elastic at him, hitting him on his taped nose.
He caught the elastic and stared at it before looking at me. “Just for that, I’m going to order twice as much. You did say you wanted to fatten me up.” He pulled out his cell phone. “I’m in parking space eight. I’d like your turtle burger with a gravel malt and two servings of curly fries, plus a blooming onion and fried mushrooms and a side salad. Hold on.” He put his phone to his chest. “What do you want?”
I shrugged. “Make that two.”
He grinned and said, “Double that order. We’ll wait.” He put his phone away and put his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.
“Give me back my hair thing.”
“Is that the technical term? Sh. I’m tired.”
“Don’t sleep around me. That’s a sign of disrespect.”
“It’s not disrespect, it’s exhaustion. I had a very long night.”
“That’s the ninja gig, or didn’t anyone ever warn you about job hazards? Poor Jerk Badger.” I patted his head.
He snapped his teeth at me, but didn’t open his eyes.
With nothing to do, I closed my eyes and sank down into the seat. Mm. There wasn’t anything wrong with the cushioning cream leather. I didn’t expect to sleep, but after that night I couldn’t help drifting off. I woke up with a start to find a perky blond smiling at Dirk like he was an appetizer.
“Thank you,” I said, holding out my hands for the tray, but she kept smiling at him.
He opened his eyes and gave her a lazy smile. “Hey, Tansy. I must have drifted off.”
“Death-Hammer shouldn’t work you guys so hard, but it is why you win so much,” she said with a giggle that made me literally nauseated.
“Hey, Tansy, I’m paying, so if you could look at me long enough to take my money, I’d appreciate it. Yes, you have to stop staring at Dagger like he’s pizza. He’s not pizza. I’ve tasted him and he’s much closer to chocolate. Am I supposed to shove the money down your bra and pat your butt, or is that a stigma?”
She blinked at me until I finally had her full attention.
I smiled and leaned closer to her while I took the tray. “I’m a female in a car with a male. That means you address me, or you don’t get a tip.” I dumped all the bags on Dirk’s lap and shoved the tray with a wad of cash back at the girl. “Now run along, sweetheart.”
