Page 98 of Cupcake of the Month
He walked over to the hanging bag and smoothed his hands down its sides, anything to keep from facing her. “I fucked up.”
She stood next to him, one hand making small circles onhis back. The physical touch was a comfort, but his body craved more. So did his heart.
“Josh, you’ve done everything you could for your brother.”
She had misunderstood. He kept his face averted and held the punching bag still. “Not with him. With you.”
The movement stopped and Jordan sucked in a soft breath. “Yeah. You did. Big time.”
Josh turned from the bag, his eyes drinking her in. “I love you, Jay. From the moment you stepped into my life eight years ago. It’s always been you.”
She gave a soft snort of disbelief. “You’re kidding me. Now? Now you say something?”
“I couldn’t keep it in anymore.” He took her hands, feeling her erratic pulse.
“You couldn’t keep it in. You. Mr. Stoic.” She tugged and he released her hand. She strode away from him. “I’m not a prop for you to use, Josh.”
What was she talking about? “I know that.”
“You can’t act on your wants only when it’s convenient for you. Loving someone can be damn inconvenient.”
“I can’t pretend Zach won’t come first, Jordan.”
“Zach should always come first.” She shook her head. “Geez, is that what you think I’m saying?”
“Then what are you saying?”
“It still comes down to trust. You said it plainly yourself the other night. You avoided me and your feelings for eight years. It was enough. But now there’s something else.” She swallowed. “This time it’s trust in yourself, not in me.”
“That’s not true. I avoided you because I was trying to protect you.”
“You should have let me decide that. If you loved me, Josh, you should have been open and honest and built a relationship on mutual respect. It can’t grow unless you grow, too.”
Her voice filled with conviction. This was what she wanted. And it wasn’t him.
“I don’t want to go back to a life without you,” he ground out.
Jordan’s eyes blinked rapidly behind her brown glasses. “You’re saying that for the wrong reasons. I’m not your crutch.”
A painful ache radiated in his chest. “You wanted declarations of love and desire? And now you’re bailing because I didn’t give them to you when you thought you should have them. You never gave them to me, either. It works both ways.”
“You’re right. I didn’t. And maybe that should tell us both something.” She lifted a hand toward his cheek, then switched directions and pushed her hair back behind an ear. That small change of movement ripped him up.
“I’m really glad things worked out with Zach. Really glad. But now it’s time for me to say goodbye.”
“My life is better with you in it.” He didn’t care if he sounded desperate. “I’m sorry I didn’t say the words sooner, Jay, but that doesn’t make them any less true. I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything?”
“Of course it does.” Tears shone in her eyes. “And another time, another place. We could have had a different life. But this one, Josh, I don’t know if you know what real love is.”
Chapter 20
Jordan tightened her seatbelt as the plane touched down in Atlanta’s airport, preparing for its rapid slowdown on the runway. The rush of sound couldn’t drown out the echo of her heartbeat in her head. It had been almost two months since she’d last seen Josh. Brandi, Wendy, and Rob, too, but really Josh. She had one more day to prepare before Rob’s book release party put Josh in her line of sight again.
The plane taxied to the gate, and she waited while other passengers grabbed their bags from the overhead bins. She was in no rush, letting those who possibly had connecting flights go ahead.
She had packed only a carryon, a far cry from the mounds of luggage she had brought with her to Fountenoy Hall at the beginning of the summer. Soon she was behind the wheel of the rental car, starting the journey that would bring her back to the place she had called home for a few months.
Even though it was after the new year, the temperatures were more like early autumn for her. The trees on the drive south still sported green leaves, though a few of them boasted yellow and red hues. Nothing like her New England feast of colors or now naked trees.
