Page 54 of The Back Forty
Okay, that’s a lie. I know exactly how he could end this debate, but I can’t picture Lawson crossing that line tonight. His silence isn’t helping my already-frantic pulse or the creeping fear that I’ve just wrecked everything good between us by suggesting something way outside the bounds of boss and employee.
“First,” Lawson finally says, turning to face me. His eyes look different, way more intense than they did when I first walked inside his house which I didn't think was possible. He looked like a stiff board sitting there in the darkness and when I finally sunk down onto the couch next to him, he’d visibly relaxed. "I need information."
“Oh, good,” I say lightly, masking the way my heart has just jackknifed in my chest. “I was sitting here thinking I’d thrown you into cardiac shock.”
His mouth twitches. It’s just a flicker, but it’s enough to tell me he’s still in there somewhere. The guy who enjoys me ribbing him and dishes it back just as good. The guy who I've somehow become best friends with.
“No. I’ve just been gathering my thoughts.”
“Is that what we’re calling it now? You’re usually quicker on your feet.”
“Dani,” he says, voice low and edged with frustration. “My patience is hanging by a thread here.”
I nod my head because what does that mean? Am I annoying him? Or is there a possibility that Lawson wants to cross this line as badly as I do?
I go with the former and stick to what I know. What we know. Banter, playfulness, teasing each other to lighten the mood. Not whatever sexual tension I'm feeling pulsing through all my limbs.
I lift both hands in mock surrender. “Don’t blame me for that.”
His eyes flash, and then God help me, he lets out a growl. “You’reexactlythe reason for that. You're the beginning and the end of my problems. You’re the solution and the source, Dani.”
My mouth drops open in shock. That sound, that look, his eyes are locked on me like I’m the only thing he wants. Which… can’t be right. I mean, sure, we flirt. We banter. But this? This feels like something else. Something dangerous.
Maybe I should stop egging my boss on before I screw this job over. This job that I hoped for, fought for and need more than anything. I'm already in dangerous territory ever since my panic attack.
“Okay, okay,” I whisper softer, holding his gaze. “I’ll stop. What do you want to know?”
“I have a question,” he repeats. “Something I’ve been wondering about.”
I nod slowly, suddenly nervous about what he wants to know. “Sure…”
“Dani, was that your first panic attack?”
My breath catches at the way he says my name so tenderly. I wet my lips to buy myself some time because I should have seen this question coming. “No. I've had them before.”
Please don’t ask how many times.
Please don’t ask for my full medical history.
Thankfully, he doesn’t. He nods slowly, processing my response, then clears his throat. “Okay.”
And thank fuckfor that. For the fact that he knows me well enough and could probably read the panic that’s blooming behind my eyes to stop before prying further.
I shouldtell him more. About the panic attacks and the medication to manage them. About the stroke. The time I ignored my body for too long and ended up in the hospital not remembering how I got there at just twenty-seven because I'd run myself ragged, hitched myself to a man who didn't know the wordnoor vacation and tried way too hard to become a millionaire before thirty for god knows what reason because it all feels so completely pointless and like a different lifetime now.
But not tonight. That version of me doesn’t belong here. Not in this room alone with him or in Whitewood Creek. That version of me wouldn't attract the friendship or respect of a man like Lawson Marshall.
“Okay,” I whisper back, more breath than sound.
He shifts his weight on the couch then slowly drops to his knees on the ground before settling right between my legs like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“Uh…” My voice catches. “What’s happening?”
“You told me to prove my stance on orgasms.”
I laugh—nervously. “Yeah, but I didn’t think…” I trail off.
I didn’t think you’d actually do it.
