Page 77 of The Back Forty
“No, I think you did,” he says carefully. “You wanna tell me what’s going on? The travel getting to you? You hit your head or something when you left the barn today? Because you've been mopey as hell.”
I drag a hand through my hair, yanking my cap off and fisting it in my hand before tapping my temples. “Because she’s in my head, okay? She’s in my blood and bones, and I don’t know how to shut it off because that's what she wants me to do.”
Cash’s eyes narrow, then widen as understanding dawns. “Oh,” he says. Then he smirks. “Oh...”
“Yeah,” I snap.
“Youloveher.”
“I think I somehow fucking do,” I growl. That’s the first time I've said those words out loud.
Cash nods slowly, like he’s trying not to smile too much. “Ah. I see.”
And just like that, the whiskey doesn’t feel like enough. I need something stronger.
“Took you long enough to figure it out,” Regan says, appearing like a ghost in the kitchen doorway. There’s a slight wobble in her step, one hand braced on the counter, the other resting protectively on the side of her swollen belly.
“Fuck, Regan, where the hell did you come from?”
“I might be carrying around a small watermelon, but I still know how to eavesdrop on my big brothers,” she says with a shrug. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Dani.”
“I’m not worried about that.”
Her brows shoot up, skeptical. “Wait… you already told her?”
“Not that I love her. But I told her I like her, yeah.” I drag a hand through my hair again. “Dammit, this is so fucking stupid. She shut it down. Said she wants to keep things professional. That we’re coworkers and that’s all we have in common. So, yeah, now you see why I’m losing my shit about her being here tonight. This isn’t a team meeting, it’s a family birthday party. It's way too familiar and personal.”
“Ah,” Cash says, nodding like he’s piecing together a complicated puzzle. “So now you’re trying to shove her back into the ‘employee’ box.”
“Yes.”
“Well, hate to break it to you,” Regan says, easing onto a barstool, “but she never really fit in that box to begin with. Dani’s family, Lawson. She’s one of my closest friends. She fits right in with me, Rae, Molly, Lydia and Georgia. She’s not just some name on payroll and she's going to be around for loads of family events going forward.”
“That’s… not helping,” I groan, gripping the counter like I might launch myself through it. “I need to stop looking at her like that. She doesn't want me to.”
“Like what?” Cash asks, clearly entertained.
I narrow my eyes.
“Okay, okay,” he holds his hands up. “I’ll rephrase. Have you guys done anything?”
I give him a sharp look, and his eyes widen with amusement.
“Damn. Well, that does complicate things.”
“No shit,” I mutter.
Regan eyes me carefully. “So… just out of curiosity, have you tried… not being a dick to her?”
I shoot her a flat look.
Cash snorts. “Yeah, I mean, you’re not exactly Mister Warmth, even on a good day and today you're scowling like an old man.”
“I’m not an idiot,” I say. “I know how to treat her right. We've become friends this past year.”
“You sure?” he lifts a brow. “Because tonight she said hi and you completely ignored her.”
I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “She said she doesn’t want me. So, I figured, fine. I’ll keep it all business going forward. Stick to the job. Make sure I don’t cross any more lines because lines have definitely fucking been crossed.”
