Page 109 of Before We're More Than Friends
The back of my neck prickled. I looked to see Hayden raise an eyebrow at me. He mouthed something, but I couldn’t decode it.
Arielle also glanced at us and exchanged a look with Hayden. Gosh, was I still on her radar?
I looked at Kami, who looked back at me with a steady expression.
“Um, why is everyone staring at Dallas?” Caleb asked, blinking in confusion. “Am I missing something?”
How many freaking people know what’s going on?“There’s probably something on my face,” I said, wiping away melted chocolate I knew wasn’t there.
“I think you got it,” Raina said.
Arielle still looked at her, but Raina only frowned before turning away and opening the back gate. Oliver lived in front of a lake, so there was an extra area of land with a small pathway.
We started with a short talk about how our week had been. She mentioned she and Arielle were going through a rough patch, and I told her about my improvements with Kami.
“Our situations have totally flipped,” Raina said, hands behind her back as she looked at the stars. “But I know that moving here from Dallas hasn’t been an easy transition for you guys, even though I’ve said it a million times.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed, my body shaking. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it through this part without throwing up my s’mores. “About that . . .”
Her head snapped toward me as if she’d been waiting for a subject change. “Yeah?”
I tried to find the words, but they were stuck in my throat. I cursed under my breath and kicked a rock.
“What’s wrong?” Raina asked. “Are you going to chicken out again?”
I never knew my mouth could dropso far, but I literally felt it hit the path below us, along with my heart, my stomach, and everything in between.
She knew.
She’d known the entire time we’d been here.
“W-when did you find out?” I stammered, my heart seconds away from falling out of my mouth. “D-did someone tell you or did you put it together yourself?”
“I would’ve connected the dots sooner if my mind hadn’t been wrecked.” Hurt was etched in her voice as she crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s like you used that to your advantage. You kept your little secret by being nice to me in real life but ghosting me online.”
She had every right to be upset, but her words still stabbed me in the heart. “I-It’s not like that!” I promised, my adrenaline rushing all over my body. “I wouldn’t take advantage of your pain. But I was being selfish because I didn’t want things to change with the Chloe I knew. I wanted to hold onto the last thing I had from Dallas.”
“So you ghosted me when I needed you the most?” The ice in her eyes expanded, chilling me more than the winter breeze. “You let me walk around for three weeks worrying about what I’d done wrong to my pen pal while I was becoming friends with you?”
“I’m sorry.” I rolled up my sleeve to show her my bracelet on my right wrist. “I know those words sound empty, but I mean them. I thought I was doing the right thing for myself, but I wasn’t.” I stood closer to her, our faces way too close for comfort. “Nothing is right if it means hurting you.”
“I don’t understand,” she whispered. “What made you hide from me? Was it all the intrusive thoughts and dark parts of my life I shared with you? Was I just weird? Did you even still like me the same after what happened at the Saturn Frenzy?” Thepain in her eyes intensified as tears trickled down her cheeks. “I want the truth.”
“I-I.” I swallowed. “I was scared to get too close to you, but it wasn’t because of anything you did. It wasn’t because you’re imperfect, both as Chloe and as Raina, because you mean the world to me, Raina Chloe Vermont. You’re my freaking moonlight.” A tear ran down my cheek, but I wiped it away. “I loved you too much to want things to change.”
“But loving someone is about taking risks,” she said with a sniffle. “And there would’ve been no risk with me. We’re . . . we were friends.”
The past tense sent pain rippling through my chest. “That’s the problem,” I said, speaking louder. “We’re . . . we werefriends. But that’s not what I mean when I say I loved you.”
She blinked, wiping the mascara that ran down her cheeks. “What do you mean?”
“When I said I loved you too much, I meant just that. Not just as a friend. Gosh, if it was just as a friend, meeting you in real life wouldn’t have shaken me as much as it did.”
She clutched her chest. “A-are you saying . . .”
“Yes, I am.” I scratched my forehead, knowing I couldn’t say the words right. “I hate facing change, but I also can’t lose you.”
“But can I trust you?” she said as more tears streamed down her cheeks. “How can you expect me to trust you after lying to me? How do you know that you”—she swallowed—“feel that way about me if you were doing things that only hurt me? I understand where you were coming from, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Regardless of my feelings, I wouldn’t have hurt you like this.” She wiped her nose with her sleeve. “You don’t hurt people you love the way you’ve hurt me.”
