Page 154 of Before We're More Than Friends
“Listen, I’m sorry we were all so secretive about what was going on behind the scenes. I really am.” He studied his wall of band posters. I hadn’t heard of half of the bands on the wall, but it seemed like he drew inspiration from every genre he could. “The whole situation is beyond complicated, but I really thought we could work things out.”
“What about you and Arielle?” I asked. “What was going on with that?”
“She thinks I let her join the band so I could rub it in Eddie’s face. Which wasn’t true.” He bit his lip as if there were more to the statement. “You know, Oliver and Sienna weren’t sure about having her in the band as backup, but I didn’t want to let her down. I hate how much pain she’s been in.” He hugged his knees to his chest. “It rips my heart out.”
“Have you been honest with her about everything? Including that you want a second chance?”
His lashes fluttered. “How do you know I want a second chance?”
“Raina looks at me the same way you look at her.”
Hayden sighed. “It’s never going to happen. She thinks I’m selfish, just like Caleb does.” He grunted. “The audacity. I’ve put up with so much of his crap for years. Oliver and I have stayed even when Gracelynn and Rory left him.”
“I still have no idea who Rory is,” I said, trying to remember if Raina had mentioned him in any letters.
“He and Caleb were best friends since diapers. Until Gracelynn happened.” He scoffed. “Gosh, throw a girl in a mix, and everyone loses their minds.”
“Girls seem to do that to us.” I gave him a small smile. “Though I don’t think we’re any better for them.”
Hayden laughed. “True. Anyway, I wanted to support Caleb, but it turned into this big fight and . . .” He groaned. “The whole thing makes my head hurt.”
“I understand. But I still think you should’ve been more supportive of Caleb instead of stressing out.”
“I just want everything to turn out right,” Hayden said, a flicker of defense in his voice. “Why couldn’t everyone else see things from my perspective? Isn’t that making them the selfish ones?”
“I’m not taking sides,” I said, knowing where this conversation was going. “But I do think you should take time to think things through.”
“But I have thought this band through. Even back when I met you, I knew you were perfect for it. Perfect for?—”
“Wait.” My stomach dropped. “Did—You only wanted to be friends with me so I could be in the band?”
Hayden’s eyes widened. “W-What do you mean?”
Ice spread through my veins. “Did you only become my friend to get me in the band? To get you whatyouwant?” I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but had it been true? Was that the only reason he’d been so welcoming?
“That’s bullcrap.” He let out an awkward laugh but didn’t meet my eyes.
“Then whydidyou ask me to be in the band?”
“I already told you. You’re a good singer and my friendand . . .” He looked around the room as if he were lying. “I don’t know. I thought it’d be fun.”
“Hayden.”
“I’m telling the truth!” He shot up from his bed. “Why does nobody believe me?” He paced around the room while moving his hands at the speed of lightning. “For crying out loud, I wanted to succeed. Yes, I wanted to get back at Joker Avenue, to show up Lana when she said I couldn’t do it, to freaking achieve anything! But I also wanted to do it with people I care about. People I enjoy spending time with. Does that really make me a bad guy?”
“You can’t lash out about everything, Hayden,” I snapped. “And at the end of the day, it’s not just your band. There are six other people to consider.Six.And it doesn’t seem like you considered me at first.”
“What do you know?” he shot back. “Did all your letters to Raina make you think you suddenly know all about us? You don’t know anything, Dallas Friar. You don’t know anything about me, or my friends, or?—”
“You’re right.” I got up from his bed. “Because if I did know, I would’ve steered clear.” I swung open the door. “I was sad when the band broke up, but maybe it was a good thing. Maybe we all needed to face the music.”
Hayden flinched and crossed his arms. “You’re saying that because you’re mad.”
“Maybe you’re just saying what you’re saying because you’re mad, too. But it still hurts, Hayden.” I looked him in the eyes, trying to keep myself from shaking. “It freaking hurts.”
Before he could open his mouth, I slammed his door and ran out of the house, tears trickling down my cheeks. I wasn’t surprised that he didn’t chase after me. There wasn’t anything left to say.
CHAPTER 38
