Page 97 of Before We're More Than Friends
“Well, you’re going to have to pick your poison.” He took a sip of his milkshake. “And has keeping this a secret really preserved things like you wanted them to? Because it seems like you’re just breaking your own heart for no reason.”
“It’s just . . .” This was getting old, I knew it. I kept racking my brain for excuses, but I knew that no matter what, I’d end up back in the same place.
I’d only been breaking my heart by trying to protect it.
“Just giving some tough love,” Hayden said. “I don’t want to see either one of you get hurt anymore. And while I understand your motives, Raina is my friend, and I don’t want you to keep hurting her.” He swallowed, his eyes drifting away from me.
“I’m going to tell the truth. I promise.” I didn’t know when I was going to do it, but I needed to before it destroyed me from the inside out.
I’d been in the crowd for too long, but it was time to finally step out on stage.
CHAPTER 24
Raina
Ididn’t gather the courage to read the letter from Dad until Thursday evening. Mom had reminded me it was on the counter while making dinner—which she had been keeping consistent every night—and I decided to take the letter to my room and wait until I was finished with my homework, my mind clearer from talking to Susanna earlier. She’d told me to take this step for my peace of mind, not for him.
This doesn’t mean I forgive you, I thought as I unfolded the letter.I’m doing this for my own sake.
Dear Rain,
I am sorry it has taken me so long to write to you. Adjusting to these changes has been challenging for me, and I am sure it has been for you, too. You have been on my mind every day. So far, I have been doing better than I had expected.
I do hope you, Arielle, and your mother visit me soon. It is lonely without you guys to come home to and have conversations with. I understand if you are not ready to see me yet after what I have done to our family, but I am hoping that forgiveness will come with time. You are still my little girl at the end of the day.
Sincerely,
Dad
My insides twisted as I bit on my lip. He started the letter with my nickname, but the rest of it sounded like he was emailing his coworkers and not writing to his own daughter. The lack of contractions made reading it almost as painful as the crime itself.
But then again, I shouldn’t have high expectations for someone who had taken himself away from his family and couldn’t even explain why.
I knew it wasn’t a good idea to rush to my laptop when the emotions were still fresh, but I needed someone to talk to. Someone who I assumed wasn’t surrounded by the media and the rumors about my family.
The someone who hadn’t talked to me in almost three weeks for me to know.
I opened Connections and sent a message before I lost my last nerve.
Chloe
My dad sent me a letter from prison, and I honestly feel sick. I need you right now.
I waited one, two, three minutes, staring at the time at the top of my screen. But nothing. I debated disabling my account and closing my laptop. It was no use.
But then it happened. A green dot lit up next to his profile picture for the first time since the night of the Saturn Frenzy. My heart lodged itself in my throat as I typed.
Chloe
Alex? I know you’re online.
After a minute of staring at the screen, waiting for the greendot to disappear, Alex started typing. I pressed my racing heart, trying to control my breathing. Penrose looked up at me with big eyes before resting her head again.
About two minutes later, his response finally came through.
Alex
I’m sorry.
