Page 36 of Offside and Off-Limits
“You’re being a drama queen again,” Martin replies.
“No, I’m being honest.You’rethe drama queen,” she rebuffs.
“Green. Nice,” Bernice replies, ignoring the bickering. Or is itaggressive flirting? I should probably ask Cade about that. He’s the king of flirtation, after all.
Wait. Why am I thinking about Cade Lennox again?
Bernice moves on. “Owen? What kind of day is it for you today?”
“I would say it's a yellow day because I'm managing basic things, but it's not exactly been easy for me,” he replies.
Bernice moves around the room, and we get a green day from Jason and Tasha, a yellow day from Martin, a red day from Carmen, who always goes with the worst color in the traffic light system no matter what, until finally, it's my turn.
I tell everyone it's a green day for me.
“You have a lot of green days, Clara,” Owen says, a note of envy in his voice. “How do you do it?”
“I'm further along my journey than you, Owen. I've learned what works for me, but it sure did take time,” I reply.
“Time. Yeah,” he says, a familiar tone of defeat in his voice.
“Today’s topic is energy management, which is something we revisit often,” Bernice says. “As we all know, it’s something fundamental to many of our daily lives.”
There’s a murmur of agreement in the group, every single person in the room knowing exactly what it’s like to have low energy reserves.
“We all know this isn't just about positive thinking, no matter what people may tell you,” she continues.
“Positive thinking is for idiots,” Martin sniffs.
Marianne immediately chirps, “You would say that.”
These two. Every single week.
Bernice ignores their bickering once more because, really, we’d never get anything done if she didn’t. “Although a positive mind frame is important, managing what limited energy reserves we have is a practical reality, which can differ every day. Owen has just pointed out that Clara is having a lot of green days, but we can’t all expect to have green days all the time. Not even you, Clara.”
“Oh, I know,” I reply. “I’m thankful every day for where I am right now. I’ve had so many low energy days in which I could barely get out of bed, let alone be a mom or work a job. I’m so grateful for what I have right now.”
Those were dark, dark days for me. Initially, early on in my journey, I had no clue why I suddenly couldn’t get out of bed, why I felt so sapped of energy, like someone had shot lead into my chest and legs, dragging me down. It was following a virus that had felt like any other. Everyday tasks became a monumental struggle for me. Dwayne was no help. He would get angry at me for not being able to function, not being able to be the stay-at-home mom I was meant to be to our two small children. And I hated myself for it. Why couldn’t I function the way normal people did, the way I used to function myself?
It wasn’t until I’d been suffering for weeks before Keira came home from college for the summer and insisted I go to the doctor. She made an appointment with Bernice and drove me to it. After much testing, Bernice diagnosed me with CFS.
The very next week, Dwayne left me, leaving me with two kids under four. And taking Izzy with him as well, the woman I thought was my best friend.
No points for him as a husbandora father, and I lost a friend to boot.
Along with Keira’s support, the ragtag Chronic Warriors Support Group has been a lifeline for me, and I will be forever grateful for Bernice and the rest of the gang.
“Let’s start with knowing our baselines. What’s a realistic energy level for you on an average day? Who would like to begin?” Bernice asks and immediately both Marianne and Martin’s hands fly into the air. “Martin, we started with you last week, so let’s make it Marianne’s turn today.”
Martin’s hand instantly drops to his lap as his features twist with annoyance.
“Well, as you all know I’ve been managing my fibromyalgia for over four years now, so I have a pretty good idea of what’snormal for me,” Marianne begins when the door to the Medical Center suddenly swings open and we all turn in surprise to see who’s interrupting.
It’s two tall men, their respective bulks filling the doorway, smiling as though they’ve just arrived at a party rather than a support group.
Everyone gawks at them and murmurs about who they are rolling through the room.
Me? I blink at the familiar figures. Not one but two Ice Breakers have crashed our little get together. And one of them is none other than Cade Lennox.
