Page 57 of About Last Night
‘When my dad got married again and I let myself love my new stepmother I felt as though I was being disloyal to my mum.’
He glanced at her and she nodded again, the empathy in her eyes telling him she understood.
‘Then my stepmother left and I felt stupid for being so quick to let myself care about her. I missed my mum so much, and I’d wanted someone to fill the gaping hole she’d left, so I threw myself into caring for the first person that came along to bridge it. After it happenedagain,I started disengaging my emotions from my stepmothers altogether.’
‘I can understand why you’d react like that.’
He squeezed her leg, knowing she reallydidget where he was coming from and loving her for it. ‘The worst thing, I realise now, was that I started to do it with my girlfriends too. It was a bad habit that I didn’t realise I had until you came along and pointed it out to me. Marcy hadn’t been able to penetrate my wall of emotional iron and gave up on me, but you made me think about how things were affectingyou, first of all by forcing me to work hard to get you to take your job back. Then as soon as I’d begun to think about you as a real person, instead of just a faceless employee, you worked your way under my skin. As I got to know and like you, I fell for you more and more and it scared the crap out of me.’
‘I can’t imagine you being afraid of anything. You’re so self-possessed.’
He raised a brow. ‘Not so much. Hence all the controlling behaviour recently. I was trying to find a way to get on top of thisfearyou’d triggered.’
Her eyes were wide. ‘I never meant to make you feel like that. I know I can be a bit challenging.’
‘I needed you to challenge me. Thing is, I’ve always cushioned my life with money, which gave me a sense of protection and safety, but it never made me happy. In fact, it only made me more protective and less open to taking risks, especially with my relationships. I’ve spent most of my life using money to smooth my way through things, but you’re the one thing I couldn’t buy and that totally messed with my head. In a good way.’
She snorted and looked down at where his hand still lay hot and heavy on her leg. ‘I thought I’d scared you off for good by practically demanding we get married.’
‘It wasn’t the marriage thing that scared me – that was an excuse; it was the sentiment behind it – the act of giving myself completely to someone else that I struggled with. Because when I promise something, I don’t go back on my word. It’s forever, and forever is a long time to be with someone if you’re not sure about them, especially if you have children relying on you to get it right. I don’t want my kids to go through the hell of losing parent after parent like I did. It’s not fair.’
‘My thoughts exactly.’ She was nodding hard, her eyes lit up with hope.
He knew he had to be with her, even if it meant giving up his tight control on life. In fact, hewantedto let go for her. To experience new things that both scared and excited him – as long as she was along for the ride. He wanted to do it all with her.
He’d never been able to picture himself with Marcy long-term,but he realised he couldn’t imagine himselfwithoutLula now. Just the thought of it made his chest contract painfully.
‘To answer your question, I’m not in love with Marcy. But Iamin love with you.’
Her gaze slid away from his and he could feel her trembling under his touch.
He balked as he realised she wasn’t giving him the joyful response he was hoping for.
‘Lula? What’s wrong?’
Her eyes were full of fear when she looked back at him. ‘I’m scared that you don’t really know me, Tristan. You only know the Tallulah I’ve been showing you and when you get to know the real me, you’ll be disappointed.’
He frowned hard and moved closer to her, to reassure her that wasn’t the case. Couldn’t be. ‘What you’ve shown meisyou, Lula. I know you think you’ve been pretending to be something youthinkeveryone wants, but you couldn’t have been that person if it wasn’t in you to begin with – the sparky, funny, quirkyyouthat you keep hidden until you trust someone.’
He put a hand on her cheek and tipped her face so she had to keep looking him in the eye. ‘That’s one of the things I love about you – that you have a secret side that you only let certain people see. I think, without you realising, you’ve already let me be one of those people. When we first met,Louisewas the mask that let you be yourself. You showed me the truth when you were pretending to be her because you could blame any shortcoming on her. You could hide behind her faults, rather than your own. It’s a classic deflection technique. I’ve seen every side of you, Lula, and I love them all. I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Really?’ she said, clearly trying not to cry.
‘Yes, really.’ He smiled and brushed a rogue tear away from under her eye. ‘You know, I think I’m finally beginning tounderstand my father’s addiction to falling in love. The first flush is like the most intense happiness drug. But, unlike my father, it’s not the be-all and end-all for me. I want to grow to love you in all the ways possible, even when we’re angry with each other. I can’t imagine ever wanting to be without you.’
She took a deep shaky breath. ‘Me neither, because I love you too.’ She was telling the truth; he could see the certainty in her eyes.
The great weight of fear lifted as he heard her say those words.
‘Then don’t go to Australia. Stay here and marry me. Flash will beourstation. I’ll make you a shareholder. We’ll hire the candidate you liked to manage it day to day but we’ll both have an equal say in how it’s run.’
She stared at him in shock. ‘You’re asking me to marry you?’
‘Yes.’
She frowned. ‘But we’ve only known each other for a month.’
‘Doesn’t matter. It’s what I want. You’re what I want.’
