Page 58 of Best Mistake Ever
‘I don’t think what I did is on a par with how Tessa treated you.’
He just snorts, still refusing to look at me.
A thread of frustration begins to unravel in my chest. This whole situation is so unfair. I was just trying to help. ‘You know what? I think you’re using this as an excuse to get out all your residual anger about Tessa and the way she treated you. To find an outlet for the rejection and loss of control you felt. You’re still hurting from that, which is totally understandable, but you’re taking it out on me and that’s not fair.’
He spins around, his face a mask of anger. ‘Don’t try to psychoanalyse me,’ he spits out.
‘I’m not. I’m just pointing out the obvious,’ I say, determined not to back down. I’m desperate to find a way back to how things were with us and it seems to me the only way to do that is to tackle our issues head on.
He stares up at the ceiling, shaking his head.
I take a tentative step towards him, my hands out in supplication.
‘Yes, I messed up, I admit that, but I’m not Tessa. I didn’t cheat on you and I didn’t walk away from you. In fact, I really wanted to stay, more than anything. I didn’t want Dee to come back to her job. I wanted to do it. I still want to do it.’
He looks at me now and I see a flash of something, a break in the fury.
I take another step towards him. We’re only a couple of feet apart now. I feel the air between us vibrate with an unspoken passion.
I have to be brave and tell him exactly how I’m feeling or I suspect he’s going to walk out of here and I’ll never see him again.
‘But mostly,’ I say, ‘I want to be with you. Because I really care about you. In fact… I’ve… I think… I think we’d be good together. Be goodforeach other.’
He shakes his head again, his eyes hard. ‘I don’t know about that.’
‘What? What don’t you know?’
‘That we’d be good for each other.’
‘Why not? Why wouldn’t we be?’
‘I’m too broken to have a relationship right now.’
I force back a sob of frustration. ‘You’re not!’
Again, he shakes his head at me. ‘You’re right. I am still angry with Tessa. I need to work my way past it before I can trust someone again.’
‘Okay. I understand. Well, I can wait for you. I will wait. For as long as it takes.’
‘Don’t bother. We can’t ever work now because I’ll never be able to trust you again.’
He starts to move towards the door and I run in front of him, blocking his way.
‘That’s not true! Please don’t go. Please. We can’t leave it like this.’
I reach out and curl my fingers around his tensed forearm in a desperate attempt to stop him from walking around me and out of my life.
And I can’t bear the thought of that.
I’m expecting him to shrug my hand off, but he doesn’t. Instead, he stands there, rooted to the spot, not looking at me, his whole upper torso radiating tension. I can feel the effort he’s expending to keep himself emotionally distant from me pouring off him.
Sensing I have a slim window here to persuade him to stay and talk to me some more, I side-step around in front of him till we’re face to face again. He’s refusing to look at me though.
‘Please give me another chance. I swear I’ll never lie to you again.’
I see his throat move as he swallows.
I have an intense urge to kiss him, to show him just how much he means to me. I want to give myself to him fully, make myself so vulnerable, he can see a way to trust me again.
