‘Well, congratulations,’ he murmured. Leaning forwards, he put a hand to her chin and tipped her face towards him. Quickly closing the gap between them, he kissed her gently on the lips. ‘It just takes a bit of patience. I’m guessing the men you’ve slept with in the past were more interested in their own pleasure than yours.’
She thought back to the last guy she’d slept with. She hadn’t liked the way he’d touched her, all urgent and hard, as if he wanted to get her pleasure out of the way quickly so he could focus on his own.
‘You could say that,’ she said. ‘The last sexual relationship I had started off as uninspiring and went downhill from there. I ended up faking my orgasms just to get it over with so he’d leave me alone.’ Pulling her legs towards her chest, she wrapped her arms around her knees and hugged her legs tightly against her body.
It had been easier to lie to the guy, but she’d felt disappointed and angry with herself afterwards. She knew it was a psychological block she had about relaxing enough to let her body respond how it should, and she’d reconciled herself to the belief that she’d never be able to let herself go enough.
Until Xander came along with his dogged determination.
How completely and utterly bizarre the whole situation was. It was as if she’d just tumbled down the rabbit hole and found herself in a new, completely baffling world.
Her expression must have reflected some of her bewilderment because Xander frowned and put a hand onto her shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’
His show of concern made her chest constrict. He seemed to be genuinely worried about how she was handling it all.
She gave him a smile, which she hoped transmitted more poise than she felt right at that moment. ‘I’m fine. Thanks.’
He grinned. ‘So, it is possible for you to orgasm with someone else in the room.’
She snorted and shook her head in amusement at his awe-inspiring cockiness. ‘Yeah, okay, you were right, apparently you are a sex magician.’
‘A sex magician.’ He smiled. ‘I like the way your mind works, Jess.’
She felt lightheaded and discombobulated by it all – and suddenly, overwhelmingly tired. A yawn pushed against the back of her throat and she tried in vain to suppress it.
Xander grinned in amusement. ‘Okay, I’m going to let you sleep now.’
Before she could say anything, he rolled away from her, off the bed and onto his feet in one fluid movement.
‘See you in the morning, Jess.’ He blew her a kiss. ‘Sweet dreams.’
She watched his retreating figure until he’d pulled open the door and disappeared through it, letting it click closed behind him.
She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.
Her whole world had been tipped upside down and she felt suddenly very lost and alone and horrifically guilty about not giving him any pleasure back.
No wonder he’d got up and left.
And she didn’t know what to do next.
Now she’d allowed her hard-clung-to control to slip, she was in some kind of crazy limbo, not sure which way to turn.
Xander had made it pretty clear he was all about the here and now and that tonight was just a bit of fun for him and she didn’t know what to think about that. On the one hand she didn’t want that to be it for them; now she’d toppled over the line she wanted more time to explore this brave new world with him, but on the other, she had a horrible feeling she wouldn’t be able to be as casual about sex with Xander as he apparently could be with her.
Could she risk it?
If she decided to walk away now and keep her sanity – and quite possibly her heart – intact, she’d need to go first thing in the morning, before things became awkward and uncomfortable for them both.
But could she bring herself to do that?
Based on his reputation she’d be a fool to think anything long-term could come out of this, but dammit, she couldn’t just walk away now, leaving things hanging between them.
She wanted more.
Flopping back onto the pillows, she rubbed a hand over her drowsy eyes.
Sleep, that’s what she needed right now. The crazy whirl of emotions had exhausted her, and she could barely think straight any more.