Page 39 of Best Laid Plans
‘It was good knowing you, Indigo,’ he murmured into her ear, before pulling back and giving her a firm nod.
‘You too, Julien.’ She was amazed she’d been able to get the words past her throat.
He nodded once more before turning abruptly on the spot and striding away from her.
* * *
It felt empty on the boat after Indigo had gone.
Julien paced up and down the deck feeling unsettled about the way she’d left so suddenly.
When he’d woken up to find her watching him with that perplexed expression in her eyes he’d been worried that he’d made a huge mistake asking her to stay the night, that he’d hurt her more than helped her – and set himself up for more heartache too – and his first instinct had been to gently remind her that it had been a one-time-only thing for him.
He’d been relieved when she’d made the decision to go without him having to say anything, but he’d also been taken aback and a little perturbed by how vehement she’d been about it.
Something about the way she’d sprung out of bed didn’t sit well with him.
After that, he’d felt compelled to offer her a lift to Sorrento and had experienced a strange sting of hurt when she’d been almost cold in her refusal.
The memory of it disturbed him.
Perhaps she’d regretted what had happened between them after she’d fallen apart last night.
He didn’t though. He’d loved the feel of her in his arms and the softness of her pressed beneath him. She’d been so responsive to him, making it clear she’d enjoyed his touch as much as he’d enjoyed hers.
Maybe she was just distracted by the thought of what awaited her when she got home after talking to him about it last night.
It made him so angry to think about how badly her ex had treated her because her strength and tenacity had intimidated him. And he hated the idea that she had to face the threat of losing the business she’d worked so hard to build from nothing – all on her own.
She deserved better.
Needing a distraction from his thoughts, he went down into the galley kitchen and fixed himself some breakfast, raiding the ready-stocked cupboards and fridge, choosing sugar-free muesli and strong black coffee to satisfy his appetite. Not that he felt particularly hungry this morning.
After clearing away his crockery, he tried reading one of the books from a shelf in the living area, but he couldn’t seem to concentrate on it. He was restless and twitchy. Perhaps Indigo had had a point about not missing today’s walk. His body seemed attuned to doing that much exercise now and the lack of it today had left him with an abundance of energy.
Getting up, he went down to the bedroom and made the bed, pausing to skim his fingers over a small black smudge that the last of her eye make-up had left on one of the pillows.
It made him think of the way she’d looked at him through her thick black lashes when she wanted him to agree to something and a sudden, disorientating feeling of loss hit him straight in the solar plexus, taking his breath away.
Like the walking, he’d become so attuned to her presence he appeared to be missing her company.
Which finally brought him round to the real reason he’d felt troubled about her leaving so suddenly.
Waking up in the early hours of the morning to find her warm body snuggled up against his had comforted him. Lying there under the heavy blanket of night he’d felt such a sense of calm – for the first time in as long as he could remember. He’d rested there, with Indigo in his arms, exulting in the rush and pull of the ocean beneath them, enjoying the gentle melody of the waves against the hull of the boat as he drifted in and out of sleep.
In his half-wakeful state, he’d relived the feel of her long limbs wrapped around him, and the intoxicating scent of her as he dragged it deep into his lungs and the sweet taste of her in his mouth. He’d wanted her so badly, last night, he’d ached with it and had just taken what he wanted. Even though he’d known it was a bad idea. An insight that had been reinforced when he’d seen the wariness in her eyes the next morning.
It reminded him a little too keenly of all those gut-wrenching mornings, waking up next to Celine and seeing the shuttered look on her face. The cold, blank expression of a woman who despised him.
His failure to make things right between him and Celine still haunted him, even though they were divorced now, and she was no longer his responsibility. He’d always been able to fix things before he met her: by finally earning enough money to buy his mother the kind of house she deserved and provide her with a lifestyle that made her happy, by finding jobs for friends who found themselves adrift and in money trouble. But with Celine he’d not been able to find a way to satisfy her. He’d given her everything he could think of and it still hadn’t been enough.
It had eaten away at him.
And now he had a new regret.
He’d known, in his heart, that Indigo wasn’t the sort of person who would be satisfied with a one-night stand, but he’d pretended it was and gone ahead and let it happen anyway. To satisfy his greedy need.
Slumping down onto the bed, he rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, imagining the vast blue sky stretching out above him, feeling smaller and more helpless than he was comfortable with.
