Page 90 of Colt
“Neither of you were ready to talk about it. Cindy and I have talked about it. A lot. And we’ve been worried, but you can’t drag things out of your kids when they’re not ready to tell you.”
God, I really am so lucky. There have been some unlucky things. But not this. My family… I’m so lucky there. “You’re right. It’s complicated,” Jim said. “But in some ways, it doesn’t surprise me. I know she had a crush on you when she was a kid. Again, not as subtle as she probably would’ve liked. I know she wasn’t happy when Cindy and I got married. I thought it was about her mom, but I think it was a lot about you. You two have your own relationship. Just like Cindy and I have our own relationship. But you and I have our own relationship, Colt. And you will always be a son to me, no matter what. So when things weren’t good with the two of you, you were still my son.”
It’s that unconditional love. That love I still never expect. That love, I don’t know how to accept. But I’m trying. I’m learning. Because the inability to accept love is almost as bad as the inability to give it.
“Thanks,” I say. “I needed that. More than you can imagine. I… I really do love her. And I’m going to take care of her. And I’m not going to ask her to marry me right away, because I know she’s doing school, and I want her to feel like I’ve given all this thought, but…”
“Tell her you want to marry her,” Jim says. “One thing I can tell you for sure is that honesty is always the best thing. And also, don’t let time get away from you.”
He’s speaking with authority, as a man who has deeply loved twice. Who understands what a gift it is. And I realize that what a gift that is to me. Because if anybody was going to be accepting, and not judge, it’s someone who understands the weight and value of these feelings. “I have something for you. Why don’t you come inside?”
“What?”
“I have her mom’s ring. I’ve saved it. I want you to have it. So that you can give it to her.”
I really am an emotional wreck today. But if something was going to wreck me, I think it’s right that it’s this. “I’d love that.”
He puts his hand on my back, and we walk up the stairs into the house.
Allison and my mom are in the kitchen, and they walk through to us when we come in. My mom has tears in her eyes, and she hugs me. Tight. “I love you. I’m glad you’re happy.”
We stay for most of the afternoon, and the ring is burning a hole in my pocket. I was going to wait. But I don’t want to wait. Because I almost died. And it’s not missing the championship that would’ve been a tragedy. It’s not missing guts and glory or anything else. It would be missing this.
And so instead of driving back to the apartment, I start to head up toward Medicine Lake.
“What are we doing?”
“Something really important,” I say.
I parked the truck, and hold her hand as we walked to that same patch of grass where we made love and things changed between us. They really changed. This place knows us. It knows who we are and how deeply we feel for each other. And it feels right to get down on one knee right there in the grass. Here’s where I told her that if she got pregnant I’d take care of her. It was the deepest offer I could make at the time. This is better.
“Allison, will you marry me?”
She looks stunned. “Colt, we…”
“We’ve already been together for a lifetime, in one form or another. I’m ready to step into the next lifetime. We can wait and get married after you're done with school. Or we can get married tomorrow. Whatever you want, but –”
She doesn’t wait for me to finish. She wraps her arms around my neck and comes down to the ground with me, kissing mehard. I pull the ring out of my pocket and show her. “Your dad gave it to me.”
Tears are streaming down her face. And she puts the ring on her finger, looking down at it. “Oh, I remember this. I remember this ring on my mom’s hand.”
“They’ve all given us their blessing.”
She nods. “You know, I thought it was a mistake. When our parents first got married. Because I thought that I was supposed to be with you, and this was going to keep us away from each other. It wasn’t a mistake. But sometimes life is tricky, and difficult things happen. Like me losing my mom. But there’s beauty in it, and there’s still a path to joy. And I’d like to think that in some way, all these shattered pieces worked together to bring us this moment, the whole diamond.”
“I think so,” I say. Because it was the same with me. I had to be broken, really broken, before I could be put back together. And now here I am, no crowd, no stage. And I’ve never been happier.
Epilogue
Colt
It took two years for me to get back on the circuit.
Two long years for me to get back to the championships. But it’s funny, because I don’t need it anymore. It’s a strange thought, one that hits me hard just before I exit the chute.
I don’tneedthis. It would be nice. Hell, I’d love to have the money. To take care of Allison. To pay for a really amazing wedding. Get us set up for life. Go on a honeymoon. But it’s all about how it fits into my life now. It’s not my life anymore. After this, win or lose, I’m done. Because I’m ready to start forever with her.
We have been the talk of the town. That much is true. We’ve been debated, discussed, gossiped about.
