Page 116 of Breakaway Goals
“Yep.” But Morganhadn’tcalled it a date. Hadn’t said anything about what it was, only that it was happening.
Maybe he’d just go over to Morgan’s soulless rental house or he’d come back over to Hayes’ and then they’d what? Hayes tried not to panic and failed. They’d only ever done sex and hockey. He imagined them putting a game on and breaking down the play like the Sentinels were facing off against one of the teams next week.
“You’re freaking out, now,” Zach said knowingly.
“Shut up, no, I am not,” Hayes argued, even though he totally was.
They couldn’t even Netflix and chill, because the chill part was officially off the table.
“A little,” Zach insisted. “At least admit that.”
“Fine, a little. What are we even going to do?”
“Guess he’s going to have to figure that out.”
“Guess so,” Hayes said.
He supposed Morgan could take him out, but Hayes was out of the closet and Morgan was not—and he couldn’t imagine him wanting to do that anytime soon. Hayes couldn’t even be mad about it. He got it. Legacy was everything to Morgan, and while he’d been ready to tell the truth—hadn’t wanted to continue living a lie, anyway—would Morgan want that asterisk next to his name, forever? Hayes wasn’t sure.
So they wouldn’t be going out.
Maybe with anyone else, Hayes wouldn’t have liked that, might have even resented it, but maybe Zach was right, and hewaseasy for Morgan. Always had been, really.
“Keep me updated,” Zach said. “And Monty?”
“Yeah?” Hayes pushed the rest of his eggs around his plate, appetite dwindling. He didn’t want to text Morgan—he’djustleft—and demand to know what they were doing tomorrow night, but it was the first test, wasn’t it? And he was suddenly afraid, like before, that they wouldn’t even pass this one. Wouldn’t even make it out of the gate.
“I’m really happy for you. And you know what else?” Zach’s voice was soft.
“What?”
“You should be happy for you, too. Don’t freak out. Don’t flush this down the drain before it even starts.”
“I wasn’t—”
“You were freaking out.”
“It’s kind of a lot,” Hayes argued.
“Yeah, it is. But it’s agoodkind of a lot. Maybe it’s not perfect, right away. But you said it yourself, you love him, and he loves you. I think that kind of love deserves a little patience and understanding, don’t you?”
Hayes hadn’t thought about it that way. Had been so uber-focused on getting it right, immediately. But maybe Zach was right.
“Did you and Gavin?”
Zach laughed. “Fuck no. We’re still figuring it out. As long as you don’t shut down or shut him out, you will too.”
Chapter 18
Morgancouldn’trememberthelast time he was nervous.
If he’deverbeen nervous.
Even before games, even beforeimportantgames, he was filled with a sense of edgy anticipation, but it had never felt like he was going to be sick and puke all over the shoes that Finn had declared to be “better than that crap you normally wear, Dad.”
He pulled up in Hayes’ driveway. Took a deep breath and then another. He was going to do this right, butrightfelt like a particularly narrow balancing act.
If he fucked up again—if he was too earnest, or not earnest enough—Morgan wasn’t stupid enough to think Hayes would give him another chance.
