Page 39 of Chasing Elliott
blush creeping into her cheeks.
“I guess we better give them what they want, don’t you think?”
Once the bar closed, the four of us made our way out to the parking lot a few blocks away where we had parked. I had my arm wrapped around her shoulders, hers looped around my waistwhile Kara and Benjamin walked ahead of us with their hands intertwined. I smiled to myself as I glanced down at her, suddenly debating whether or not I should say what was on my mind.
“What’s on your mind, Benny?” She suddenly asked as if reading my thoughts. Elliott had stopped walking a few feet away from the car and I glanced over to see Benjamin opening the car door for Kara.
“Nothing,” I said as I bit my lip and looked back down at her. “I’m just happy, that’s all.”
There was a small furrow to her brow that let me know she knew I wasn’t telling thewhole truth, but she was smiling,nonetheless. “Well good, because I am, too.”
I saw her studying me, looking up through her lashes as I smiled, but even I could tellthere was a tightness to my features. She pulled back slightly and I tried my hardest to swallow the nervousness, to get rid of that knot that had suddenly formed in my stomach.
“Are you alright?” Elliott questioned softly as she started rubbing one hand down my arm. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair before I stepped out of her grasp and reached forher hand, leading her to the car.
We stood by the passenger side, her back pressed against the door as she stared up at mewith prodding and concerned eyes. I rested a hand on the roof of the car beside her head, staring at her with the same intensity she was. She cocked a brow, silently trying to persuade me to speak.
“Can I ask you something?” I implored, biting my lip as my face flushed, heat flooding my face as the knot in my stomach tightened. She nodded, but I didn’t miss the nervous swallow that she tried to hide. “Do you ever wish things were different between us?”
“Different how?” Elliott asked, that furrow deepening.
I took a deep breath, trying to push past that voice in my head that was telling me to stop talking before I said something that freaked her out; but I wasn’t able to. I was too afraid of losing her, of losing the relationship that we had built even if I couldn’t put a label on what wewere. Who needed labels anyway, right? They didn’t change the feelings that we shared.
At least, that’s what I was going to keep telling myself. I just wanted her, even if that meant I couldn’t get everything that I wanted.
What she was giving me was enough. For now.
“I don’t actually know,” I lied, shaking my head as I lowered my hand to her shoulder. “All I know is that I’m happy with you, how things are, and that I’ve really enjoyed getting to know and spend time with you.”
“The sex is pretty great,” she replied, and I found my smile faltering for a moment. Iguess that really was all I was for her. Elliott’s own face fell as she studied me, and I heard her release a soft sigh before she reached out and carefully touched my arm. “I guess it’s time wehave that talk now, isn’t it?”
I knew exactly what she was referring to,but I chose to play dumb. “What talk?”
“God, I knew this was going to happen,” she mumbled, running a hand down her face. “Idon’t want to hurt you, Coop. Maybe it’s time we just go back to being strictly friends.”
“No,” I rushed out, cupping her face in my hands. I brushed my thumb across her cheek, looking into herblue eyes that showed a hurricane of emotions. “I made the decision four months ago that I was going to be with you in whatever shape and form you could handle. I don’t care what that means for me, because just being by your side and kissing you is enough.”
Not giving her a chance to respond, I pulled her firmly into my chest and wrapped my arms around her. She buried her head into my shoulder, her arms looping around my back as sheheld onto me tightly. We stood like that for a moment before she pulled back and rested her chin on my chest so she could look up at me.
“I don’t get how you can be okay with all of this,” she whispered, a confused expression covering her features.
“I’m not just doing this for myself, Elli,” I told her, fighting back the chuckle that threatened to escape as she grew even more confused. “I’m doing this for you, too.”
Elliott didn’t ask me to elaborate even though I could tell she had no idea what that meant. I reached around her and pulled the door open, pressing a kiss to her forehead before sheslid in.
“I don’t deserve any of this,” she said as she looked up at me from her seat before I closed the door.
“You do, though,” I reminded her. “I understand that this all goes way deeper than I may ever know and that’s okay. We have all the time in the world, Elli, so don’t fret. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
I closed the door before she could respond. As I walked around the front of the car, I couldn’t help but think about how much more difficult this was going to be - and if it was really something I could handle.
The car ride was quiet, only the soft hum of the radio filling the car. I glanced over at Cooper periodically, seeing a hardness in his features that put me on edge. This was my fear: feelings.
Now I felt like the responsibility of ending things was on my shoulders as he made it very clear he wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t want him getting his hopes up nor did I want to hurt him. He was one of the nicest and most considerate men I have ever met,and I couldn’t stomach the idea of being the one that broke that in him.
But more than that, I couldn’t admit that I just didn’t want to let him go for I had done the one thing I swore I would never do: I liked him.
It was so easy to pretend that the way I was acting around him was just because I was comfortable, that he put me at ease, but why was that? Was it because of who he was or becauseof the feelings I was starting to have for him?
