Page 59 of Chasing Elliott
"Let me help," Benjamin said as he came up behind me and grabbed one of the bags before opening the door. Not able to muster a reply, I stepped outside and made my way toward the back of the building with him on my heels.
Heading over to the alley, the cool night air whipped at my hair as I walked over to thedumpsters. Benjamin put a hand on my shoulder as he threw one of the garbage bags in beforegrabbing the other two from me and doing the same.
"Now really isn't the time, Benji," I told him as I saw the look that he was giving me. Hesighed and ran a hand through his hair as I folded my arms over my chest.
"When is the time, El? When Coop or Kay sees you with your mother? When everything goes to shit? You need to tell someone, and the time is now."
I groaned in defeat, knowing he was right. I swallowed the lump in my throat as tears sprung to my eyes, turning around to lean against the brick of the building.
"When I was young, my father had cheated on my mom and my mother threatened to take me and my brother away. All hell broke loose and that night he dragged me out of the house. After a messy divorce, I was living with my father while my brother, Everett, was with our mom.
"On nights when my father couldn't get a girl to come home with him, he used me instead. So, after a while, when I got a little older, I finally ran away to my mothers. It was then that I realized she had shipped my brother away and to this day, I still don't know where he is or why she did it."
My voice cracked as the tears finally escaped my eyes. I brought the back of my hand up to wipe them away as Benjamin put a calming hand on my forearm.
"Anyway, one night I was up late when she came home, and I hid in the closet because Ididn't want to deal with her, but she wasn't alone. She was with Kara's dad.
"I confronted her immediately because she was my best friend and Kay's parents werestill married but she threatened to send me back to my father if I said anything. I couldn't go through that again.
"This went on for about a year before her father wanted to end it. Said he felt horrible and didn't want to keep hurting his wife and daughter anymore and wanted to come clean. Then my mom dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant."
Benjamin inhaled sharply and I saw his eyes widen. I squeezed my eyes tightly together as his grip on my arm faltered, my stomach turning into knots as the tears continued to pour down my face.
"Kara's father was devastated and he started drinking again; he had been sober for about three years up until this point. I saw what it was doing to him, and Kay cried on my shouldermore times than I can remember, fearful of losing her father.
"Her mother was a mess, she was scared, and I just sat there with my mouth shut and my tail tucked between my legs when I could've stopped all their suffering."
"It's not your fault," Benjamin told me sternly as he put both of his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look up at him. "You were put in a really tough spot, anyone can understand that."
"You don't get it, Benji," I sobbed now as my face contorted in pain and sadness. "I was there the day he died. He was at my mother’s house, wasted, and going on and on about how hehad failed his family, and do you want to know what I said to him?
"Not a damn thing. I could've stopped him from leaving and getting into that car, but Ididn't. I let him get behind the wheel, I let my mother scare me into silence, I let my best friend down."
I broke into hysterics and couldn't stand anymore. I slid down the wall, my butt hitting the pavement harshly as I rested my elbows on my knees and put my face in my hands.
Benjamin kneeled down and wrapped me firmly in his arms, pulling me into his chest. Igripped his shirt tightly as I let all the tears, pain, and anger out that I had been holding in for the last fourteen years. He cupped the back of my head with one hand while the other was rubbing circles on my back, trying to soothe me.
I don't know how much time passed before no more tears could leave my eyes. Benjamin pulled back slightly and cupped my face in his hands and used his thumb to wipe the tears away.
"Don't you dare blame yourself, El," he started to say as he looked at me with a pain in his eyes that mimicked my own. "You did what anyone would've done in your position and there's no one to blame except your mother. You can't keep carrying this burden with you."
"I can't tell her," I breathed out sadly as I averted my eyes back down to the ground."She'd never forgive me, and I can't lose her."
"You could never lose her," Benjamin said confidently as he cupped my chin to bring my eyes back up to his. "She may be upset for a while, but I promise you, El, she'd forgive you."
Nodding, wanting to put an end to this conversation, Benjamin gave me a weak smile as he grabbed my hands and pulled me up to my feet. Sighing, I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist.
"Thank you," I mumbled quietly as I realized I actually did feel a little better.
"Of course," he responded as he hugged me back, resting his head on top of mine. "I'm always here if you need me."
Pulling back, I wiped at my face one last time and gave him a small smile. Taking a deep breath, I smoothed down my dress and wrapped my jacket a little tighter around my body beforeattempting to tame my hair.
"How horrible do I look?" I questioned since I didn't have my phone with me for acamera.
"You look fine, Elliott," Benjamin said with a smile. "You always do."
"Benji, if my eyes are puffy Cooper is going to ask questions," I informed him as I folded my arms over my chest. "I can't tell him, not yet."
