Page 85 of Hung Up
Why is it that we, as a society, tear women down for the same thing we build men up for?
It’s pathetic, really.
The door opens, and I turn, my hope ebbing away like the tide as Rylie walks through. She’s digging through her bag but stops when she glances up and sees me. The sympathetic smile on her face tells me all I need to know, but I find myself falling into step beside her, praying that she has some answers to my questions.
“How is she?”
She sighs, slinging her bag over her shoulder as we presumably head toward the media room. “About how you’d expect. Sad and pissed off one minute, resolute and sure the next. She’ll come around, it’s just going to take a while.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Has she replied to you?” I shake my head as we round the corner, entering the heart of the underground area of the arena. “Then not yet. There’s a lot she has to work through, and it’s something she has to do on her own.”
She stops in front of one of the doors, pulling a lanyard off her neck that has a key on the end behind her media badge. Sticking the key in the door, she turns the handle and steps inside, flicking on the lights before she heads toward the table and sets down her bag. She sighs, heading toward the couch against the wall and sits down, patting the spot next to her. I sit down without protest.
“Can you tell me what’s going through her head?” I know I sound desperate, but I can’t help it. I need to know where she’s at. If there’s even a slim chance of this media fiasco not ruining every bit of progress I’ve made, I need to hold onto that tightly and not let it slip away.
“If I’m being honest, very little of her dilemma has to do with you.” I raise an eyebrow at that. If it doesn’t have to do with me,then why isn’t she talking to me? “Can you promise not to tell her I’m telling you any of this? I’m only sharing this with you because I want you to have the best chance for her sake.” I nod. “Adam has been blowing up her phone, as has her father, and neither of them have anything good to say.” That knowledge has me seeing red, but she keeps speaking before I can comment. “She’s never been under this much scrutiny before, and she’s trying to separate what she knows to be true versus what everyone else is making her feel.” Okay, understandable—even if that makes my heart ache unbearably. “And the icing on the already fucked up cake is our boss. She’s… Well, she’s having a tough time trying to squash this and has debated taking her off the assignment and revoking her invite to come back next year.”
My brows raise at that piece of information. “She’s been invited to come back?”
“She doesn’t know that yet, but apparently they love having her here. Sounds like PBR viewership has almost doubled thanks to her.”
“That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest,” I say quietly, a smile toying on my lips despite the sadness and frustration threatening to swallow me whole. “I need to do something. I can’t keep sitting around like this doing nothing. I feel so worthless.”
She reaches for my hand that rests in my lap, giving it a squeeze. “Hey, listen to me. I am so grateful that she has someone like you who would bend over backward for her, how you would move the earth and the stars if she asked you to, but there’s nothing you can do right now except have a great ride that she can watch from home. It’s not like you can fly out there and see her or anything.”
“What if I did?” The words tumble out of me before I can stop them. But it’s not Rylie who responds.
“You are out of your mind,” Stetson states, walking into the room with Lee, Bryce, and Kai in tow. “You are in second place, dude. You’re three points shy of knocking Kai out of first place. Do you know what’s going to happen if you leave?”
Only last weekend, I told Faith that I refused to give up a ride due to my ribs. That the last thing I would or want to do is forfeit and ruin my rank in the standings. This has been my life, my dream, for as long as I can remember, and I never let anything get in the way of it. Not my health, not my family, nothing.
But thinking of Faith continuing to deal with this alone, to be secluded with nothing but her thoughts, with her job on the line, while I sit here and prepare to ride like nothing is happening, makes me feel sick to my stomach. She deserves to have someone to go through this with, to have someone put her first.
And the thought of forfeiting doesn’t cause a spike of anxiety—no, it feels right.
For a fleeting moment, I wonder if maybe I’ve found a new dream to chase.
I push myself off the couch, facing down the four of them. “Yeah, I do. And I don’t really care.”
“Listen,” Kai says, stepping past the other three to stand in front of me. “I understand that you care and worry about her, we all do. But you have a real shot at winning this whole thing. You’d really risk throwing that all away?”
“I would.” There’s not even a fraction of doubt in my tone, only pure resolution. “None of it matters if she’s not here to see it.”
Rylie stands, giving my forearm a squeeze. I look down at her to see a knowing smile on her face before she pushes herself up on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear, “I’ll text you her address. Go get her, Jesse.”
I give her a grateful smile, turning my attention to Kai. I put both my hands on his shoulders before I surprise him by pulling him in for a hug. He hesitates before patting my back gently. When I pull back from him, I nod, knowing if I’m going to give up this dream, he’s the one I’d want to take it home.
“I look forward to seeing how that buckle looks on you.”
“Are you sure about this?”
I nod. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“Then tell her I say hi.”
Slapping his shoulder, I turn to the other three and give them a nod before I rush past them and run down the hall, heading for the back door. Once I’m in my rental, I pull out my phone and book a flight, racing to the airport to make sure I catch it in time. I know she’ll probably be mad that I didn’t ride tonight, and flew out to see her on a whim like this, but I don’t care.
