Page 22 of Chasing After You
The timing had to be perfect. Controlled. Safe.
But I didn’t want to wait much longer. I’d already waited eight years.
Seeing him like that—broken and shaking—gutted me. I wanted to run in, to hold him, to tell him he didn’t have to be afraid anymore because I would take care of him. But I couldn’t. Not yet.
I wanted him to want to see me.
Still, part of me burned with desperation. Maybe I could write another letter. Or leave something familiar—something from when we were kids. Something only he would recognize, that would let him know he was safe and could finally stop running.
Something that said,I’m here. I’ve always been here.
I clenched my fist around the piece of shattered ceramic that had hung around my neck for the past seven years.
I didn’t have much from our time together. But the reminder of Daniel’s death that I cherished would probably only give Josh a heart attack, so that wouldn’t be a good move.
I groaned, wishing that the answer would come more easily to me. My approach so far hadn’t had the effect I thought it would on him. I was just scaring him.
How could I get him to understand that I’d done all of this for us, so that we could be together again?
“Should I just lock him up somewhere?” I mumbled to myself.
No, fuck. That would probably scare him, too.
Oh!
What if I went through those twins he was staying with? There was something off about them; I could feel it. Maybe they would know what to do?
It would be risky, though.
And I hated asking for help.
I decided to try on my own for another week. Then, and only if I hadn’t made progress, I’d reach out to them.
I leaned back in my chair, the soft creak swallowed by the low hum of the monitors in front of me.
My fingers tapped against the armrest.
He used to find comfort in me, in the time we spent together. But now it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me. That, even after eight years, he was still as terrified as the day he’d had to leave.
I had expected a little resistance from him at the start, but I thought he’d feel relieved that I’d found him and extend a warm welcome to me. Not this kind of fractured, trembling avoidance that made him look like he was seconds from vanishing into himself completely.
Why wasn’t he happy that I was here?
I’d put in so much effort to find him, to learn his habits.
Why couldn’t he understand that?
My eyes narrowed slightly at the thought of the twins again. There was something about them that made my skin crawl in a way I couldn’t quite place. People likethatdidn’t offer someone like Josh help out of pure kindness. There was a connection there—something deeper. I’d have to dig further.
Still, they were my last resort.
This next move had to be perfect. Quiet. Soft. Personal.
I had one week to get it right. One week to remind him what we were before everything fell apart.
After that… if I hadn’t gotten through to him by then—
I’d stop playing fair.
