Page 55 of Chasing After You
My stomach flipped. “What do you mean I’m not subtle?”
“I mean,” he said slowly, “you make this little face when you see someone you like. It’s like a puppy looking at a treat andwagging its tail. Remember that ad that used to be on TV with that one soccer player where he’s like dripping in sweat and drinking Gatorade or something? I think he was from Spain? Anyway, it’s that face. Same face you make at Margaery Tyrell on Game of Thrones.”
“That wasn’t aface,” I protested weakly. “That was appreciation for his… endurance. And maybe I just appreciated her role?”
“Mhm, sure. You watched the ad three times.”
“Because the first two times, I didn’t catch what he was selling!”
Dorian smirked like he was tryingso hardnot to laugh at me. “Relax, big brother. I’m not making fun of you, just teasing. I’m actually proud of you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”
“For finally saying it out loud to me. I figured you would’ve said something back when I came out, but you weren’t ready, and that’s okay.” He let the silence settle for a beat before taking another sip of his drink. “You don’t have to be afraid of being yourself, especially not around me.”
I looked down at my glass. “I’m not afraid.”
“You are,” he said gently. “But that’s okay.”
My chest tightened. He wasn’t wrong. I was afraid. Not of being bi, really—but of what that meant for the version of myself I’d spent so long carefully constructing. The “normal” one. The one who knew how to smile on cue, flirt with girls, and blend in just enough not to seem like a weirdo. That version felt safe.
And then there was my fear of not being good enough for either side.
I didn’t feel gay enough to be active in the community, go to Pride events, or go to bars. But I also didn’t feel straight enough because I really, really, really wanted to make out with a hot guy.
Not having any experience with men didn’t help. IknewI was attracted to guys, but it felt like I couldn’t prove it. It felt like if I told someone I was bi, but then they found out that I’d never been with a guy, they’d think I was an impostor.
“Am I still bi if I haven’t fucked any guys?” I asked quietly.
Dorian spit out the sip he’d taken from his glass, laughing. “I like how blunt Drunk Josh is. But why is that even a question? I didn’t need to fuck a girl before figuring out I was gay.”
“Oh, I didn’t think about it like that.”
Dorian shrugged with a smile on his face, swirling his drink in the glass.
“Do you think I’m even attractive to guys?” I asked.
He glanced sideways at me. “Yeah. You’ve always been easy to want.”
I choked slightly. “What?”
“Relax,” he said smoothly, “I’m just saying you’ve got that… soft thing. The thing that makes people want to take care of you. Makes them want to hold you. Or at the very least, see what you’d look like moaning under—”
“Dorian!” I gasped, feeling scandalized.
He laughed, full and unbothered, resting his head back against the bench like he hadn’t just ended my life with a single sentence.
“I’m drunk,” I muttered, face hot as hell.
“You’re so fucking cute when you’re drunk,” he said.
“You’re going to give me a crisis,” I whined.
He leaned closer, elbow on the back of the bench, voice lowered just enough to make me shiver. “Is it really a crisis if you like it?”
I stared at him. He smiled. And the worst part was… I smiled back.
“Stop flirting with me,” I said, shaking my head, hoping he’d laugh it off like usual.
