Page 84 of Chasing After You
“I feel things differently from you,” I went on. “I don’t always know what I want right away, but Idoknow what I don’t want.And I didn’t want that choice taken away from me, Dorian. No matter if I like… doingstuffwith you. I consented to everything, I-I loved it, I loved how in control you were. But I didn’t consent to the drugs.”
He looked down at the table. “I know.”
“And I get that in your mind, it probably didn’t—maybe still doesn’t—seem like a huge deal. Like, if the outcome is that we both feel good at the end of it, then what’s the harm?”
He didn’t answer.
“It’s okay that you’re intense,” I said. “But if we’re going to keep doing this—whateverthisis—I need you to accept that I’ll have boundaries. That sometimes I’ll say no, that you don’t get to decide what’s good for me without me, that you don’t suddenly get to take my safe word away.”
He was quiet for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was in a low, measured tone. “And if I mess up again?”
I met his gaze. “Same as what I said before. I’ll leave or I’ll call the police. And I mean that, Dorian. I care about you so much, more than anything, but if I can’t trust you, Ican’tstay.”
He nodded once. No argument. No defense. Just a quiet, “Okay.”
I picked up my fork again, chewing slowly, then gave him a crooked smile. “If you wanted to do what you did and you’d just asked me beforehand, I would’ve probably said yes—no need for drugs. I’m learning that I’m a lot kinkier than I thought.”
That startled a laugh out of him—real and unguarded.
“I didn’t think you’d say yes,” he admitted.
“I’d say yes to most things you want to do to me,” I said, nudging the plate forward. “Pass the syrup, please. And sityour butt down. It’s really weird having you standing there just watching me eat.”
* * *
The air had begun to shift between us again. It felt charged. Maybe it was the growing sexual tension between us. For the next couple of days after our… problematic… first time, we stuck to kissing, maybe a little over-the-clothes grinding.
I could tell it was wearing on Dorian.
And I understood why. I’d basically been edging both of us for the better part of a week. I just… just wanted to test his restraint. But by the fifth day, it felt like my seams were pulling apart.
We still hadn’t talked about the future. About what this thing between us really was. Maybe that was on me. I wasn’t sure I was ready for those words yet.
But I was starting to imagine what it would be like if this were permanent. If I stopped saying, “just until I find a new place,” and started saying, “I’m home.”
Paul’s name lit up my phone just after noon, and I stepped outside on the back porch to take it, smiling already.
“Hey, kid,” his voice rasped through the speaker, warm and familiar.
I leaned against the railing. “Hey, old man. What’s up?”
“Well, I wanted to run an idea past you. The guys and I have a stop in Yakima for a couple of days—a fundraiser run and a swap meet. I thought I’d see if you’d like to come down and say hello. Haven’t seen you in a while, y’know?”
I straightened, excitement leaking into my voice. “That’s only like two hours from me. Of course I’ll come! I miss you.”
Paul chuckled fondly. “I miss you, too, kid. It’d be cool to have you meet the guys. They sure hear a lot about you. I think they may think I’m making you up, so we gotta prove them wrong.”
“I’d love to meet them! Um… but what exactly do they know? Am I your son, your nephew, a friend? I wouldn’t want to mess things up.”
He scoffed jokingly, “Hell, they wouldn’t care even if you were my husband. The club is chill like that. But yeah, they know you as my nephew. I kept up the father-son shtick for like the first two weeks, then learned there’s no use keeping secrets from the other members. Figured it wouldn’t hurt anything. You still good on that front? Anyone bothering you?”
A reel of Dorian rolled through my mind.
“No, no, all good here.”Just that I think I have feelings for my probably insane brother.“But uh… I’ve been… getting close to someone. Would it… maybe be okay to bring them with me and introduce them to you?”
He hesitated for a beat, then said, “You trying to tell me something with that tone?”
I flushed, laughing a little. “No. I mean—yes? I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
