Page 60 of Take Me to Church
"So that's how it is,Tracker?" I hold his gaze, throwing his own nickname back in his face.
We all had them. They were bestowed by the man who pulled us from the gutters, claiming to offer a better life. Technically, he did. We had a place to live. Cars and bikes and as much food as we could eat. A family tied together by fate and suffering.
But he was using us. Manipulating me and my brothers for his own personal gain.
The day we decided to break away from him everything changed. Our lives. Our dreams. Our futures.
I don't like being taken back to the past.
Evan sighs, looking guilty. "I shouldn't have said that. It was out of line." He moves closer, reaching out to rest one hand on my shoulder. "We know you're not like you used to be, but we also know something's going on. And I think we deserve to hear the truth from you."
I rub my head, squeezing at the tension making it ache. He's right. Tate, Simon, and I kept what we were doing quiet because we were afraid our brothers wouldn't approve. That they would demand we stop.
And maybe that was wrong. But it would be just as wrong for me to spill the truth without Simon and Tate here.
"Let me get my shit together and we can talk about it tonight."
Butch scoffs, clearly unhappy with the timeline of my offer, but Evan nods. "We'll be back at eight."
I nod, even though it feels like the clock on life as I know it is ticking, counting down to a shift I'm not sure I want to face.
My brothers leave, heading down the stairs before dissipating in the direction of their homes. I watch them go for a second before closing the door and turning around to find Lydia standing right behind me, her dark eyes wide.
"Is everything okay?"
I don't want her to worry about me. She's got enough on her plate. But the concern on her face still hits me in a way I like a little too much.
I glance around, looking for any sign of her sister or Piper before pulling Lydia close. "Nothing's wrong. My brothers just came to see how I was."
This morning should have gone differently than it has. Hell, last night should have gone differently than it did. Lydia's first time shouldn't have been on the couch. She shouldn't have slept in my office, and she sure as hell shouldn't have been woken up the way she was.
"Is everything okay with you?" I can't stop myself from asking. Part of me is still worried she'll regret the decisions she made. Or, that I was simply nothing more than a Band-Aid she wanted to rip off before chucking in the trash.
Normally, fucking a woman and walking away wouldn't bother me. I've had my fair share of casual encounters both parties recognized would never go beyond the bedroom. But that's not what I'm looking for now. And that's sure as hell not what I'm looking for with Lydia. But she's young. She hasn't had the opportunity to experience sex, or anything else that comes with a relationship, in just about any capacity. Expecting her to give up the chance to explore all that was withheld from her would be unfair.
No matter how much I might want it.
Lydia wraps her arms around me, pressing the side of her face against my chest. "No. Everything’s not okay."
It takes everything I have not to react. Not to drag her back into my office and show her just how good it could be between us. "What's wrong?"
"Myra doesn't want to stay in Memphis. She says it's not far enough away from Mountain Oak. That she’ll always worry they'll be able to find her here."
I relax a little, relieved Lydia's not upset about last night, regretting what happened between us. "Where does she want to go?"
Lydia sighs, stepping out of my embrace. "That's part of the problem. She's all over the place right now. She's cutting her hair and wants to go buy a whole bunch of clothes." She leans in, lowering her voice. "Do you know she stole money from Matthias?" She shakes her head like she can't believe it. "She's been collecting it ever since my dad made her marry him."
I'm actually pretty impressed by this, but Lydia definitely wouldn't want to hear that right now. "It probably made her feel like she had a plan. It gave her a sense of control and a reason to keep going."
Lydia doesn't seem comforted by the possibility. Her brows pinch together, the line between them firming. "But what would've happened if he caught her? If he figured out what she was doing?"
"Something bad." I'm not going to argue with her on this, because she's right. "Situations like this are tricky, Lydia. So much can go wrong. That's why I have to be so careful."
Lydia studies my face for a second before looking toward the front porch. "Your brothers don't know you do this, do they?"
I was hoping she hadn't heard the full conversation, but obviously she was standing behind me for longer than I thought. "No. They don't."
"Why not?" She seems genuinely curious. Interested in knowing more about my life.
