Page 62 of Take Me to Church
Christian leads me into his office, closing the door and locking it before walking to his desk, dropping into his seat and pulling me into his lap. He nuzzles my neck, breathing deep as he holds me close.
"I'm sorry you couldn't be in the room. My brothers deserved to hear the truth from me and Tate and Simon without feeling like they had to temper their reactions."
I press my lips together, fighting the pleased smile trying to take over my expression at an inappropriate moment. "You would've wanted me there otherwise?"
Christian curves one hand around my head, tucking it against his shoulder. "Of course. But for purely selfish reasons."
I try to figure out what he's saying, but I can't really begin to guess. It’s another frustrating aspect of being so separated from the rest of the world my whole life. I'm not particularly great at reading between the lines of a conversation. But I want to understand, so I ask, “What does that mean?"
"It means I would've felt a hell of a lot better having that conversation with you right here." His other hand settles on the side of my ass, pulling me closer. "Like this."
A hint of the guilt I felt before creeps back. I've been so focused on how Christian makes me feel that I haven't once considered how I might make him feel. All I've thought about is myself. What he can do for me. What he could bring to my life. My own needs and wants and satisfaction.
And it feels dangerously close to how the men who used to control my life behaved. It was wrong of them and it’s wrong of me.
I shift around on his lap, straightening as I pull from his hold, ready to right the wrong I’ve accidentally allowed. The man holding me so tenderly deserves so much more than I’ve offered.
So I’m going to offer more.
Luckily, the thought of offering is much easier to handle than the thought of requesting. It’s something I might have been ashamed of before, but not now.
Not with Christian.
His brows pinch together in concern as I move away. "Where are you going?"
"Nowhere." I slide free, sinking to the floor between his knees, letting my hands trail down his chest before anchoring at the waistband of his blue jeans, making my intention pretty clear.
At least, I think it does.
"What are you doing, Lydia?" Christian’s voice is husky as he watches me.
"I don't know." I offer up the kind of honesty I’ve only felt comfortable giving him. Christian understands me. Knows what I’ve been through. He won’t judge me for knowing what I would like to do, but not being entirely sure how to go about it.
I fumble around with the button of his fly, shocked at how difficult it is to undo pants in the opposite direction. Somehow I manage to get it loose before raking the zipper down and spreading the fly open to reveal the reaching line of his cock.
The urge to feel embarrassed—to stop in my tracks—is strong. It's happened to me before. Over my hair. Over my clothes. Over makeup and just about everything else imaginable. I was scared of feeling ashamed. Of feeling like I was breaking the rules even though I am now the maker of the rules.
But I don't want to feel ashamed about what happens between me and Christian. I'm tired of letting my past define me.
So I reach for the waistband of his boxer briefs, stretching them as much as I can to free his dick without causing any sort of tension or discomfort.
I start to lean in, but Christian’s voice stops me.
"Lydia." One of his fingers presses against my chin, tipping my face up until my eyes meet his. "Are you planning to suck my cock?"
I lick my lips, already feeling a familiar ache building between my thighs. "Yes." I expect him to let me go. To be thrilled at this development.
But Christian’s finger stays firmly planted on my chin. "Why?"
My list of reasons is long. Too long to offer up right now without delaying my plans, so I settle on the simplest one. "Because I want to."
Christian stares at me, finger keeping me in place as his hazel gaze holds mine.
Last night he argued with me, seemed convinced I didn't know what I wanted. Made me work harder than I ever thought possible for an act I was led to believe men took at every opportunity.
Not this man. And that only makes me want this more.
Christian’s finger slowly slides, tracing up the line of my jaw. "Do you know how to suck a cock?"
