Page 68 of Take Me to Church
The blonde nods. "If it makes you feel any better, you do sort of get used to it." She reaches one hand out. "I'm Hope. Niko's my husband. We live next door to the old firehouse."
I take her hand, glad when she doesn't squeeze it to death. "I'm Lydia."
The woman on my left lowers her voice as she leans in. "I'm Carly. I'm with Levi, the one with all the colorful tattoos on his arms.” Her lips curve in a little smile. “He looks scary but he's really a teddy bear."
I return her smile like I know who she's talking about, but I don't know if I could identify a single one of the brothers in a lineup outside of Christian, Simon, and Tate who I already knew. Maybe Damien since he scared the shit out of me and then sat at one of my tables for three hours.
I’ve seen all of them a couple of times, but the first involved an attempted abduction and a dead body, and the second was last night as they quickly filed into Christian’s office. I definitely don’t remember tattoo or attitude specifics.
Carly turns to the group in front of us and motions at the older woman in the room. "That's Jill. She was married to the asshole who brought all of the brothers together." Her smile slips for just a second as an unidentifiable emotion passes over her pretty features. It’s gone just as quickly and she goes back to her task, pointing finger moving to the younger woman standing at Jill’s side. "That’s Kerri. She's Jill's daughter and my half-sister. She's married to Evan, the guy with the uncolored full tattoos."
I turn toward Carly, my brain struggling to do the genetic math. “Half-sister? Does that mean your father—”
Carly’s lips flatten. “My father was a piece of shit who abused my mother, cheated on his wife, and took advantage of broken little boys.” Her nostrils flare. “Luckily he’s where he belongs.”
My brain scrambles through everything Christian told me about the man who called himself King and I suddenly understand why I’m sitting where I am. My eyes drift to where Christian stands in the kitchen, looking over the man who never seems to stop looking out for me.
Carly continues down the line of women, pointing out Shelly, who's married to the enormous man named Shaun. Felicity’s married to the long-haired guy named Cody who runs the warehouse we brought Rodney and his car to. The final woman in the trio joining me on Christian’s couch is Josie. She's married to Damien, my friendly, neighborhood stalker.
"We'll leave it at that.” Carly drops her hand, blowing out a breath. “I can introduce you to everybody's kids later. If I do that now your head will explode."
"I think my head is already exploding." I take another sip of my mimosa, swallowing it down in the hopes it might help me relax a little.
I’m used to being around large groups of people. My family was decently sized. Besides Myra and Jeremiah, I have three additional older brothers. We did a huge amount within the church since my father was the pastor, but all those gatherings looked entirely different from this one. Those, just like everything else, were focused on the men. Feeding them. Listening to them talk.
Then the women cleaned up the mess.
Right now I’m seeing the complete opposite. Christian is doing his best to control the fallout dropping around him, wiping up spills, taking out the trash when one can fills, and juggling dirty dishes. The craziest part of it is he doesn't seem bothered by it at all. If anything he seems almost—
Happy.
Hope gives me a little bump, pulling my gaze away from where Christian is forearm deep in a sink full of soapy water, scrubbing through glasses as he jokes with Kerri. "So you and Christian, huh?"
As if he hears her words, Christian turns, giving me a heated glance that curls my toes and makes my thighs press together as thoughts of his desk hijack my brain.
Carly leans into my ear, eyes on Christian. "Are you on the pill? Because if not, he might have just gotten you pregnant."
My face is suddenly very hot. A little bit because I'm embarrassed I’ve never even considered birth control, and a little bit because now I'm imagining what it would take for Christian to actually get me pregnant. After only two penetrative interactions with him, I'm already jonesing for a third. One that’s mutually fulfilling.
"We just—" I don't know how to explain the situation I'm in, so I stop there.
But Carly doesn't seem bothered by my inability to sum up what Christian and I are. She waves my hesitation off. "Don't worry about explaining it to us. We know exactly how these guys work. One minute you're out living your life—doing your thing, following your plans and dreams—and the next you've been wifed-up by a gorgeous man with a snake tattooed on his dick."
My head snaps her way in surprise. "A what?"
Carly nods. "A snake." Her eyes are wide as she leans in. "And I was practically a virgin when we got together, so you can imagine my surprise when that's what jumped out at me."
I rub my lips together, more interested in the other part of what she's saying than whatever's tattooed on her husband's privates. "You were a virgin?"
"Not technically, but about as close as you could get without actually being one." Her expression turns sad. "I was raised to believe good girls didn’t have sex and that being good was the most important thing, so I had a lot of baggage as far as physical intimacy was concerned."
I hang on her every word, suddenly feeling like maybe I will fit in here. Like maybe I can be understood. "How did you get past it?"
"Finding a man who is very, very good at it got me over the initial hump." She smiles, lifting one shoulder and letting it drop. "But the shame still tries to linger. I'm not sure it's something you ever completely forget, so I just keep reminding myself having sex doesn't make me bad. Nothing really makes a person bad, as long as their motives are good."
The way she says the last part is different, and it sits with me. I’ve worked so hard to move forward, scared of judgment even though I didn’t dish out any of my own. Piper’s brought men home before, spent one night with them and never saw them again. I never thought she was bad or wrong.
I witnessed Christian do something most people would consider the ultimate sin, but he did it to protect me. To save me from a man who was going to do horrific things to me. My eyes once again find where he stands at the sink, smiling at Jill as she pats him on the back, whatever made her glare at him earlier already forgotten. I would never consider him bad.
