Page 69 of Take Me to Church
So maybe my perceptions of good and bad need a little fine-tuning. Maybe I need to give myself a little more grace than I have been.
Hope leans into my side. "Tell me about your sister. What’s she like?"
I force my eyes away from Christian to where Myra is standing with the two loudest women in the group, smiling and laughing like she's known them her whole life. "She's brave."
At first it was jarring to see how ready Myra is to move forward. It made me question her. Question myself.
But now it gives me hope. Because if she’s brave—if she’s moving forward—then maybe I can be too.
* * *
"YOU LOOK LIKE you need a nap." Christian pulls me close the second the door closes behind our unexpected guests, breathing against my hair as one hand palms my ass through the shorts I slept in. "Maybe we should go lay down."
"I can't." I groan, dreading going into work for the first time ever. "I have to work." I would much rather partake in whatever he's proposing, but my shift at The Cellar won't wait.
"I guess we’re going to work then." Christian drapes one arm over my shoulders, walking with me to the stairs.
I peek at him from the corner of my eye. "I'm not sure you should come with me."
Christian’s expression turns serious. "We've talked about this, Lydia. I'm not leaving your side until—"
"I know, but I don't know if my boss will appreciate you sitting there my whole shift." I’ve worked hard to prove hiring me was a good decision and I don’t want to undo all that effort. Especially not when I’m close to getting bumped to a better schedule.
"Stella?" Christian grins, relaxing again at my side. "You don't have to worry about her. I'm allowed to sit in her bar all day every day if I want."
The cocky edge of his words makes me smile back. "Because you bring in so many customers when you play?"
Christian’s face hardens, smile gone completely. "No. Because I helped get her away from her abusive ex-husband."
I stop, standing halfway up the stairs as I stare at him. "You helped Stella?" The owner of The Cellar is not the kind of woman I would have ever expected to be trapped in a relationship. Abused. She’s so confident. So strong. So capable.
"I know what you're thinking." Christian’s voice is soft. "It can happen to anybody, Lydia."
I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. "I’m glad you helped her."
"Me too. She's done a lot with her life." Christian urges me to continue up the stairs, leading me into his bedroom. "So don't worry about what Stella thinks. And you can pretend I'm not even there."
Right. Like that will be simple to accomplish. I've never been good at ignoring Christian. Not as a little girl who was openly fascinated, and definitely not now that I'm a grown woman who knows exactly what he's capable of.
But Christian can't follow me to work forever. "What happens when you have to go back to your job?"
"When I have to go back to work we figure something else out." He says it like it's a simple solution. Like it's any solution at all.
"But—"
Christian presses one finger to my lips, cutting my argument off. "You will always be protected, Lydia. In case you didn't notice, my brothers’ wives have decided you’re part of the family, and we protect our family." His eyes fix on mine. "Always."
That's not what family has meant to me. My father was never interested in protecting me. I was simply a tool he could utilize for his own gain. Whether it was cooking, cleaning, or making connections by marrying me off, his motives were never about what was best for me. And they certainly weren't for my safety.
That makes it difficult to wrap my head around what he’s suggesting. "So if something happened to Carly, and her husband wasn't there, you would—" The words trail off as I imagine all Christian’s done to keep me safe.
"I would do whatever it took to protect her and I can promise Levi would do whatever it took to protect you." His hands move to my hair, stroking down the strands before he curves them against my face. He drops his forehead down to rest against mine, eyes closing. "I should have trusted them more. I should have told them what Simon, Tate, and I have been doing."
The vulnerability in his confession shocks me. I close my eyes, letting the moment sink in. Absorbing all the emotion it carries. Because in this moment, Christian is looking to me for support. Admitting what he perceives as a failure and treating me like what I think and what I say matters.
It's what I've longed for my whole life. The opportunity to be an equal. A partner. Respected. Appreciated. Cherished.
"You were afraid they would tell you it was wrong." I slide my hands along his arms, wanting to soothe the turmoil I know he's feeling.
